A Pirates Way: Rum Drinker

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, just the plots. I don't own the ship(s) just the breezes that move 'em. I hereby state that I am just borrowing such said objects until I feel at such time that I should return them. --;;


Act Two- Rum Drinker

--

Jack sighed as he leaned against the helm, his callused hands skillfully guiding the ship. Barbossa had been disposed of and the Black Pearl was once again under the command of Captain Jack Sparrow and things were relatively quiet- or at least he thought.

From his spot he could hear the high pitched squabbling of his quartermaster and another sailor. He turned his gaze to where the commotion was and rolled his eyes. Gibbs and Cotton's parrot were once again going at it- something which had became a daily occurrence. He strained to hear what the argument was about today and sighed to realize it was about the same thing it was yesterday!

Cotton's parrot was loudly accusing Gibbs of drinking the last bottle of the crew's rum and Gibb's, the daft fool, was arguing back, protesting he hadn't drank it despite the fact that everyone knew he had.

"Drank all the rum," the parrot was screeching.

Gibbs shook a fist at him, "Ye mangy bird, go bother sum'one else!"

"Fatso drank all the rum," the bird mocked and Jack had to fight to keep his laughter in.

The quartermaster scowled at the statement as he muttered, "Blasted bird."

"Drank all the rum."

Gibbs frowned. "Did not."

"Did too!"

"Did not," Gibbs retorted.

"Did!"

Gibbs growled as he pointed his sword at the bird hovering above his head, "Not"

"Did."

"Come down 'ere an' say thet t' me face, ye blasted mangy sea cur," the quartermaster challenged. "I oughta take ye and chop ye up into lil' bloody parrot treats and then feed ye t' them shar-"

"GIBBS!"

Gibbs dropped his sword and spun around to see Jack frowning at him. "Stop antagonizing Cotton's parrot," Jack ordered. "It's bloody annoying and getting on me nerves."

"Sorry sir, but-"

Jack quirked an eyebrow as he cut him off, "But nothing Mr. Gibbs. He's a bloody bird for crying out loud! Ignore it!"

Gibbs nodded uncertainly before mumbling, "Aye captain" as he scurried below deck, the parrot quickly following.

--

"Anamaria!"

Jack bellowed her name for the hundredth time that day, a smile coming to his lips. He enjoyed getting her good and mad, even if they did share the same bed. He'd piss her off enough to warrant a slap, or the cold shoulder but usually by the time he crawled into bed, she had forgotten his crimes and actually allowed him to sleep in his own cabin.

And for the sake of that tradition, Jack was constantly nagging her out of the goodness of his heart.

He had already put her in charge of several tasks, one being to rearrange the cargo hold which he had her do every week, simply because she absolutely hated doing it! Now as he stood sailing his ship, humming to himself, the thought of having a bottle of rum to drink struck him. He couldn't very well leave the helm of his ship with no one guiding it, and he sure as hell wasn't going to ask any of his crew to watch it for him. He was the captain for goodness sakes!

So he'd have Anamaria fetch the rum for him! It was perfect- a bloody brilliant plan- pure genius, at least until he finally got her attention.

The dark skinned woman appeared from behind a couple of crates, a rope in her hands. She had been securing the rigging like Jack had moments ago told her to do, after she was done bringing the extra crates topside to be scuttled and thrown over and before she was to rearrange the cargo hold, which need she mention, had done just last week!

"What the hell do you want now?" She asked irritably. She took note of the grin that twisted his lips upwards and she pointed at him menacingly. "If you dare ask me to fetch you another bottle of rum, I swear by all that is holy Jack Sparrow that I'll throw your lazy, no good for nothing ass overboard myself!"

Jack's grin suddenly faded as he sputtered, "B-but love! I can't just bloody up and leave me Pearl with no one to guide her!"

Ana shrugged and turned back to tying the rigging, "Well then I guess you best sober up real quick like, 'cause I ain't doing it."

The pirate captain frowned deeply as he leaned against the helm some more, Bloody woman!

--

He took a long swig of the rum and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Sighing contently, he used the helm for support, a smile on his face. Yes, life was good for Jack Sparrow; he had his Pearl, his rum and amazingly, all his teeth still intact, if you didn't already count the gold capped ones.

It had taken some persistence on his part, but he finally got his rum. He had learned some time ago that if he kept pestering Ana, she'd eventually do whatever it was he asked just to get him to shut-up. He rubbed his cheek where a dull throb now remained as he thought, Even if the slap I usually get is not a part of the deal!

From behind him, Gibbs stood close by, Cotton's parrot perched on his shoulder as the quartermaster rambled on about how it was best they stop somewhere soon to restock the holds and the pirate captain just waved him off.

"But captain, we really should stop for supplies," Gibbs protested.

Jack looked at him cross-eyed, "My good man, or men," he added, pointing at them for emphasis, "As long as I have me rum, we needn't be stopping for anything!"

"Fatso drank all the ru-"

Gibbs poked the bird, "Shut yur trap."

Jack stared at them, "Don't start that again."

"Sorry sir, it's jus-"

"Fatso drank al-"

"I said shut it, bird!" Gibbs growled as he went to poke him again but suddenly stopped as the parrot pecked him. "Why ye mangy feathered fiend!" Gibbs gawked as he poked the bird again only to have the bird peck him in return.

Jack watched the exchange of poking and pecking until he began to feel dizzy. "That's enough, from the both of you!" he wagged a finger at the quartermaster, "Gibbs stop poking the bird," he then turned to the parrot and said, "and you stop bloody pecking him!"

Gibbs faltered, "But Cap'n! He started it!"

The pirate captain cringed; how many times had he heard that one! "I don't care who bloody started it, I'm going to finish it if you two don't stop!"

The old sailor grumbled something before stalking off the deck leaving Jack alone. The pirate captain began to hum to himself now that he had some peace and quiet, his head bobbing with the tune. He brought the rum bottle to his lips only to find it empty and he tossed it over board. Guess I'll have to get me another one- now where's Anamaria?

--

A/N: Ok, this one is not as funny, but still humorous in it's own way. I was going to add another part here, but I figured it was nice to end it on a good note. I'm still open for suggestions, I've only gotten one! But oh well, guess one's better than none.