Suicide

She ran into her room, slamming the door behind her. She threw herself on the bed crying, tears streaming down her face and sobs coming from her throat. She cried, ignoring the knock on the door. Once it went away, she sat up and got out her diary and began writing:

Dear Diary,
I’m sorry! I did it again. Why do they make me feel this way? Why do I always react this way?

Tears splattered to the page, making some spots on the page hard to write on. She wiped away the tears and calmed down a little. Sitting her diary aside, she took out a note pad and started to write a letter. It took her a little while. She heard the knock again but ignored it. She started crying again as she wrote the letter. Once she finished it she put it in an envelope and addressed it. Then she went into the bathroom and washed her face.

She made her way downtown and posted the letter. Once she had finished, she went to the cemetery and sat talking to her loved one, “I love you. I miss you so much. Why did you have to leave me suddenly?” She said, softly crying again. After a minute she wiped the tears away and stood.

Once back home she pretended to be happy and sat through dinner, joining in. She smiled, even though she felt like crying, thinking. They don’t know and don’t understand. She stood and said “I’m going to have a bath.” She went into her room and gathered her clothing and items, picking up her diary too. She grabbed her favourite cd and put it in the player in the bathroom.

She ran the bathwater and watched as it filled up. She then undressed, entering the bathtub, she settled in and picked up the diary and started writing:

Dear Dairy
I have decided, today is the day. Today is when it all goes away. I forgave them all and now is time to forgive me.

She finished this entry and closed the diary, setting it down on the table just beside the bathtub. She picked up the knife and held it over her wrist and let it slide along, cutting the skin. She winced as it hurt. Switching hands, she cut the other one and then set the knife down. She lay back, watching as the water turned red, from her blood. She closed her eyes, refusing to let the tears fall. After a while she felt the water starting to go cool. She could barely focus now, she felt so tired. Closing her eyes for the last time, she finally felt at peace.

A day after her discovery, the family received a letter which read as below:

Dear my loved ones,
By now I have done it. I have finally forgiven myself. I don’t want you to feel sad, or hurt but I know this won’t happen. I want you to know what I did is in no way your fault. I did what I did because I needed to end the pain, that no one else could ever understand. What I have been through is more then a 19 year old should go through. I felt this is the best way. I just hope you will in turn forgive me for taking the easy way out.

With love,

Jenny.

P.S. I’m sorry for all the trouble I have caused you.


Jenny was buried three days later, with her family surrounding her grave, tears in their eyes.