My life so far Part 7

I spent the summer mostly with my best friend at her house. We spent it doing a whole lot of nothing really. Laying by the pool, listening to music, and eating junk food was what our days consisted of. It was a good time. I was actually not able to talk to my boyfriend much. He went to church and had youth activities there, and had baseball camps throughout the summer. We talked on the phone every once in a while but it was clear we weren't on each others minds much.

Unfortunately, my home life became a train wreck again. Towards the end of spring and beginning of summer, my mom and boyfriend split up again. She was pushing him to marry her and he admitted he didn't know if he ever wanted to do that. It wasn't the answer she was looking for and was furious. They fought constantly; taking each others belongings, damaging each others belongings, yelling, screaming, all the usual. I was so tired of it. They decided to split but still live together and see other people. I don't know how they thought that would work, because they quickly began sleeping with each other again. My mom got another boyfriend who was very young. He still lived at home. I don't know why she ever thought that would work out, he was still a kid himself, it was obvious he wouldn't want 3 kids. He was nice enough, and treated us like we were a younger brother or sister. I felt bad for my brother and sister. I at least had a father; every man she dated they became attached to, so when her ex finally moved out and got his own place, they took it hard. She continued to date the young guy, but would try to keep us away as much as possible; so I babysat a lot. She took a cruise with him and I stayed at my dad's and my siblings went to their grandma's. After that, she didn't date him very long and they split amicably, he wasn't ready for all the responsibility. Once again we cost her another relationship. She quickly got back with her ex, which I didn't understand. He already told her he wouldn't marry her; yet she was determined to talk him into it. Instead of him moving back home, we moved to his place, which was a long ways away and a trailer. He had bought it, so he was stuck there for a while. It was ridiculous; there were only 2 rooms, so we were once again stuck sharing one room. My brother slept on the couch and my sister and I slept in the room on a mattress in the floor. We weren't allowed to move or touch anything. He had turned it into a weight room and had them all over the place, so we literally didn't have any space. We had put all of our things in storage from home, we just had clothes there. Our dog went to a family members house because we weren't allowed to have pets there. I missed her terribly.

Towards the end of the summer, I met a boy. He was two years older than me. His sister and my mom had become friends from work. We all had dinner together while he was in town visiting her. He and his parents lived in Texas. I was very smitten. He was handsome; he had brown hair with reddish streaks in the sunlight, and blue eyes. He was very sweet and funny. We only met twice, once at dinner and exchanged phone numbers, he called me that night and we talked for a bit. His sister had called back later and talked to my mom; she said he had been calling to ask me to spend the day with him the next day but never got up the nerve. My mom asked me and I of course said yes. I felt guilty because I did have a boyfriend, but he hadn't made an effort to stay in touch and I was mad at him for that. I also rationalized that he was leaving soon and it wasn't like we were going to have a relationship. So I spent the next day with him and had a great time. I think the extent of our time together was him putting his arm around me and holding hands and hugging. It was a summer fling, but I still enjoyed the diversion. I was sad when he left, although we did write each other a bit. Coincidentally the next day my boyfriend had a friend call me and break up with me. I knew he was listening and was extra bitchy for his benefit about not being a man and telling me himself. I was angry, but I didn't really care we had broken up; we were due for a break and hadn't talked much anyhow.

A week before school started I spent more time with my best friend and while walking on the train tracks encountered my other ex, my class clown riding his bike and flirting shamelessly. I told him what happened with his friend and he said he was stupid to break up with me, but had been around him that summer and noticed he was interested in someone else, which could have been the reason he wanted to break up. I admitted my own fling. He left and got me thinking. I talked to him a few times on the phone and found out my ex had started dating the girl and realized they would be starting school as a couple, she would be in our school this time, she was 2 years younger then us. I was not thrilled about that fact. It may have been devious, but I didn't like I had a fling that was gone and he would have a relationship. So I eventually flirted enough and my class clown asked me out again. I happily accepted, so we started school as a couple, which I knew irritated my ex.

Not soon after school started, my ex's girlfriend dumped him. I was overjoyed; it served him right I thought. Eventually my class clown and I lost interest in each other as we always did and always managed to stay friends. He ended up having to transfer to a private school, he got into trouble and was kicked out of public school. I missed him, and we lost touch for a little while. My ex and I began to be civil again, although I did make him sweat for a while by being interested in other guys. By now it was just a habit for us to break up and go out, although no one wanted to be the in between because they always knew we would get back together. I am not really sure what the strong connection was, or maybe it was just difficult for us to let go of each other because we were safe. We made more of an effort this time though; we talked more, did more things outside of school. We dated off and on the whole year, although the last couple of break ups were hard on me and I came home a lot crying.

I made a closer group of friends that year, one in particular. She was in band with me, and was actually one of the popular girls in my elementary school. She was always nice to me though and we had managed to stay friends even when her best friend (the one who was always mean to me and teased me about my clothes) was around. When middle school had come, their friendship evaporated, they went into 2 different directions, the mean girl became a cheerleader and hung with the popular group, and my friend dropped cheerleading, started wearing grungier clothes, and cut her hair so no scrunchies were needed. :) I liked this version of her better and just liked the whole group, whom most I had been friends with in elementary school anyhow, guys and girls. We hung out a lot and again my best friend had a problem with it. We always fought about it. She never became friends with her, but I managed to separate the two.

I did go though a dark time, I don't know if it was from hanging out with edgier people, or my home life, or my break up, or just all of it, but I was angry and sad all the time. I ended up being offered speed pills and took them. They made me feel awesome and took my mind away from everything. The feeling didn't last long; a lot of people got caught with them and in trouble to where the police were involved. I was scared to death that my dad would find out and the new pills I had gotten weren't the same as the others, they made me sick. I spent one night throwing them up and being worried about getting in trouble. Finally, I thought I should tell someone and woke my mom up and told her. She had no idea. It wasn't as big as I made it out to be, no one said anything about me and while people got in trouble, I was spared. I never told my dad and was scared straight from doing anything stupid for a long time! My mom was very understanding though.

That Christmas, my dad asked his girlfriend to marry him. I wasn't surprised, he did that with everyone, but this was the first time I ever felt it was close enough to actually happen. She stayed over all the time and I felt my dad was really needing someone to take care of him because my grandma was gone. She seemed to do that for him; but there were always little glimpses that she wasn't what she seemed, at least for me. We ended up moving out of my mom's boyfriends, and into our own place. It was tiny, it was a basement apartment, and had one room and my mom slept on the couch in the living room, but we were away from him and had our stuff back, including our dog, so we were happy. They remained a couple, but said they couldn't live together.

I dated and talked to different guys while my ex and I were on the rocks, but I didn't seem to want anyone as much as I wanted to be with him. I think it was the same for him too. We got back together for the last time in the spring of that year. We went to out eighth grade dance together, which was like a send off before high school. We all dressed up and had it in the gym. I wore a blue dress. My friends, my boyfriend and I had a great time. I was sad the year was ending, and nervous about going to high school.

A couple of weeks before school ended my boyfriend and I split for the last time. He wanted to go out with someone else and I was just tired of dealing with him. I didn't understand his choice; she only wanted to go out with him because he had a girlfriend, that was kind of her thing, and wasn't his type at all. She immediately dumped him in a couple of days. I thought it served him right and I think he new not to come back to me. I was done. He transfered to a private school after that and I didn't see him for a couple of years. It hurt not to see him or talk to him after being such apart of his life for such a long time, but I was ready for change.

I spent the summer like the one before, with my best friend. My dad signed me up to be a counselor at a camp run by police officers. I wasn't thrilled about it; I wasn't very sociable and wouldn't know anyone there. My parents thought it would be good for me to prepare for high school and meet new people. I didn't agree. Still nervous around new people, the day I had to go I had a stomach full of butterflies. My dad's friend was the head organizer and made me feel somewhat better, but I was still shy and didn't talk to anyone really. Thankfully, I had a couple of counselors go out of their way to talk to me and make me feel welcome. Turns out, there had been 2 other sessions and everyone had already knew each other, except for me. So everyone already had their friends, but these two were extra nice to me.

I quickly became enamored with a boy who was a counselor in a group with me. He was in my grade, but went to a different school. He was also kinda on the shy side, but in typical boy fashion, became all talkative and playful around his friends. He began to make an effort to talk to me and we began to crush on each other... it was nice to feel something for someone who wasn't my ex or even new him. A fresh start. He had black hair, blue eyes and a soft southern drawl. He was also a twin. His brother was more outgoing and very handsome, but quite a jerk. Our first major encounter was a bike ride when I wiped out on the gravel. Embarrassed and hurt as well, I tried not to look at him. He wasn't laughing, but came over to see if I was ok, and helped me up. I was officially smitten after that. We were pretty much inseparable after that day. He helped me get to know the rest of the group and make me feel comfortable. By the end of the week at the closing awards program, my parents were both surprised at the change. I wasn't scared and quiet anymore, I was surrounded by guy friends who thought I was the greatest thing, because I could take a joke and liked to laugh at myself. I was also one of the only girls there, which I don't think thrilled my dad. I pleasantly told him I made friends just like he told me to...

I was going to miss my crush very much, we had a 2 week break before the next session and I was going to the beach with my dad's fiance for a week. She was going with her family and wanted my dad and me to go, but he had to work, so she thought it would be nice for her and I to go and spend some time together. I never turned down the beach and had never been to Florida, so I went. We had a good time, but I was anxious to get home and get back to my crush. I really wanted my best friend to meet him and the others there, I was able to get her admitted as a counselor for the next session. She agreed, she loved everyone there. She developed a crush on my crush's twin. Unfortunately for her, all the guys liked her because she was so athletic, but just saw her as one of the guys. Our first day back, my crush asked me out and I accepted. We spent every moment we could together after that. He was very different from anyone I had ever met. He was really southern, but he was so thoughtful, quiet and polite. He seemed to really adore me. The week went by quickly and we were having to say goodbye... I was heartbroken. I knew long distance relationships were hard, and I didn't want anything to happen to us. He assured me we would make it work, even though we were going to different schools. I was still sad when we left camp. We did talk on the phone every day and learned more about each other and went out together a few times. I wanted more, but I was grateful for the time we did have. In the fall, we started high school...