The Elf and the Wizard

The Elf and the Wizard



Now I know you are going to think this is just some fanciful tale told by some old curmudgeon. With regard to the curmudgeon you would be correct, but for the rest I can assure you I don’t drink, hallucinate, or stray from the truth. Still, I won’t fault your skepticism because in your place, I would have to reserve a bit of doubt myself. Anyway, whether you believe it or not, this is exactly what happened.

I was getting my rucksack out of the back of my pick-up in Vogel State Park in Georgia. It was one of those parking areas with access to the Appalachian Trail. I was about to embark on my half-day adventure when I heard a rustle.

“Ahem. Ahem,” I heard a voice behind me. Turning I saw a beautiful young girl dressed in woodland colors of green and brown. She had a hat with a pointed brim that looked to be made of felt. Seeing her gave me quite a start!

“Is this some kind of joke?” I inquired. You see my first thought was that this was some kind of practical joke. Like being photographed on Candid Camera.

“I beg you pardon?“ she replied.

“The next thing you’re going to tell me,” I chuckled, “is that you're a real elf.”

"I am."

Well maybe" I thought further, she might be part of a sorority initiation.

“What the heck do you think I am?" she continued, exhasperated.

“OK, I’ll bite," I said trying to be a good sport, "what can I do for you Ms…?”

“Willow. That’s my name and I need some help. A friend of mine has his leg pinned under a tree.”

“Dear me!”, I said, wondering if I was about to be lured into the woods and murdered. "Let me call 911 and get the Paramedics."

“Whatever you can do I’d appreciate,“ she answered, “but whatever it is, it needs to be done quickly. Radagast is in a bad way.”

Now, whether it was the battery, the mountains or a coverage issue, my cell phone didn’t work.

“How far from here?” I asked.

“About half a mile.”

“How large is the tree?”

She made a diameter with her hands. “About three feet.”

Opening my Rhino Box I grabbed a first aid kit, chainsaw, come-along and a couple pieces of chain. That’s when I noticed the girl's ears. They were pointed. I took a deep breath and a chance.

“You grab the chain and I’ll follow,” I told her.

She took off at a trot and It was all I could do to keep up. I was breathing hard when we got to the spot and sure enough there was a big oak down and a guy underneath in a grey robe. He looked like a Fryer Tuck character out of a Robin Hood movie. He was wearing a monk’s attire and was laying there with his leg pinned under the trunk.

“I’m going to try and get you out,” I told him. “But first I’ll try and stabilize the trunk so it won’t be moving on you.”

“Go ahead.” he answered, and I could see he was in some pain.

I secured the chain to a big branch and the come-along to a nearby tree and applied some tension. Then I cut the trunk to get most of the weight off. Finally I started cranking on the lever and the stump end started rotating up to where we could slide his leg out. His leg was bruised and twisted but there was nothing sticking out the skin. I felt for a break and couldn’t find one but splinted it anyway. Once we had him out, we each got under an arm and hobbled him back to the parking lot. My truck was still the only one there. We lifted him into the cab and managed to get the door closed.

“Thank you so much Willow,” he told the girl. “I won’t be forgetting you saved my life….now you run along and tell everyone I’m going to be just fine.”

Willow kissed his forehead and trotted off into the forest.

“There’s a hospital in Dahlonega.” I told him. “How are you doing?”

“Better than I was,” he answered.

I eased the truck out of the access road and onto the highway.

“Who was the girl?” I asked.

“Her names Willow, she’s a friend of mine.”

“What was she doing way out here in the boondocks?”

“She’s a forest Elf. She lives way out here in the boondocks.”

“You mean she’s for real?”

“Are you walking around with your eyes open?“

“Yeah, but…”

“Did you see her ears?”

“Yes…”

“Perhaps something unusual about her dress?”

“You mean her costume?”

“Costume indeed,” he snorted, shaking his head.

“By the way, my Name is Daryl Tibbs.”

“People call me Radagast,” he said extending his hand, “and it’s a pleasure to meet you Daryl.”

“Mind telling me how you got stuck under that tree?”

“That tree was struck by lighting two days ago….it was suffering in a most painful and protracted sort of way. It asked me to be put it out of it's misery.”

“You talked to the tree?”

Yes, Daryl, I talked to the tree. I talk to them all the time. As a matter of fact I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember. Anyway I wrapped an arm around the trunk, did an incantation with my wand and shattered the core inside. Well as soon as I did that, wouldn’t you know? It fell right down on top of me. It sent my wand skittering out of my hand.”

“You killed the tree with your wand?“

“Yes, this thing here,” he continued drawing out a piece of polished ebony with a silver cap on either side. "This is called a wand," he said sarchastically, pointing it under my nose.

“I see,” I replied, not knowing exactly how to respond, and feeling a little nervous as he waved it back and forth.

“So you and Willow are some kind of mystical wood creatures?”

“That we are. She’s an Elf and I’m a Wizard.”

“You don’t say?”

“Actually, you’re most fortunate to have gotten an opportunity to see us. Most people go a lifetime without ever suspecting we are anything more than characters in a fairy tale.”

“Fancy that,” I answered him.

At this point we arrived in town and I drove up the hill and into the Ambulance Entrance.

“I hope you have insurance.” I said.

“Doesn’t everyone?” he replied.

I jumped out and grabbed a wheel chair and pushed it to the passenger door. Then I helped him out and wheeled him inside. At the desk the Admissions Clerk looked up and smiled.

“Who might you be?” she asked the Wizard.

“Radagast,” he answered.

“Last four?”

“Five-seven-six-eight.”

“Forrest Glen?” she responded, looking at the computer screen.

“That’s Me.”

“Ninety-four-hundred, Blue Ridge Parkway?”

“Yup.”

“Insured with Blue Cross/Blue Shield…. Co-pay, Fidelity Mutual?”

“Yes indeed.”

“Fill out this admission form and we’ll get you back to see the doctor.”

Looking over at me she inquired in a loud voice.

“Is that your truck blocking the Ambulance Access?”

“Yes Ma’am,” I replied.

“Then you need to move it.”

I went outside and moved my truck into a visitor’s space. Then I returned and asked the same girl at the desk.

“Is Radagast going to be OK?”

“Who?” she asked quizzically, looking up.

“You know the guy I just brought in here…. “

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

“What the heck do you mean?” I said, raising my voice…. “You just admitted him… I saw you wheel him back into the treatment room….come here I’ll show you.”

“I’m sorry sir!” she said standing up, “You’re not allowed back behind the yellow stripe.”

I walked back anyway looking in the treatment rooms. They were full of people, but no Radagast. I grabbed a Nurse by the arm….

“I just brought a guy in, possible leg fracture, wearing a monk's habit, name was Radagast. Have you seen him?"

The Nurse raised her hands and backed off. At that moment the Admissions Clerk walked up with two Security Guards.

“That’s him, she said pointing….”The Nut Case.”

The guards escorted me outside.

“Any more trouble out of you and you’ll be talking to a deputy."

I went back to my truck and returned to the National Forest, parking where I had that morning. Then I went back into the woods and recovered my gear. It was exactly where I left it. Then I called the Hospital on my cell phone and asked the Admissions Desk if a Forrest Glen Radagast had been treated or admitted. She told me there was no record of anyone by that name… maybe I should call Northeast Georgia Medical Center.