The Balance

I find myself trying to balance two different things, in order to salvage something that I consider dear: Friends. On one hand, I say little. Make myself a forgettable,only able to be remembered until I disappear from the picture. But the problem is that no one is ever friends with someone that they don't remember. On the other hand, I reveal myself. Show bits and pieces of true self to the person, in hopes of them seeing that the person that they see everyday is a character; an illusion painted upon a blank mask by a distrusting soul. In my mind, when they see the true me, then they will realize that there is more to me than what I let on. But, as soon as I take off my mask, they go fleeing into the shadows and the corners of the world. What is it about me that drives them away? No matter how hard I try, I am no closer to reaching friendship with someone as I am to the ends of the universe. And the harder I may try to bring people closer to me, the more they pull away. I thought college was supposed to be this amazing place, where you made bonds that lasted a lifetime with people that are different from yourself. So why is it that now that I'm finally here, the image of college life's grandeurs is replaced with one that is more bleak? What part of me is it that drives the people i want to keep close to me so far away? And, since all this is so, what is it about friends that make them so worth having in the first place?