Feeling in poetry

Am I really here or did you make me up

When you see me

That is when I vanish

When you hold me

I turn to sand in your arms

When you think about me

You cannot remember

I did not exist before

Why do I exist now?



         I started to breath and I choked which meant tears were about to come too soon for me to react. I don’t know if all the lights were dimmed or just turned off all together. It did not matter either way because it was like she fading away into the darkness anyway. The cigarette she was smoking was burnt all the way to the filter but yet she never put it out or stopped hitting it. I could feel my heart imploding inside. She looked into my eyes for the longest time. Her eyes were so red her eyes were so distant.

         I have no idea why the first emotion that came to me was anger. I have no idea why I lost all patience at that moment. Everything she said to me in the past rushed to me at “that” moment and she was right about me, right about everything. I couldn’t control myself, I didn’t listen.  It became all about me at that moment and after that moment she was gone forever.



It’s a wonderful feeling

Being trapped inside

Beautiful colors everywhere

I look in the mirror and I stare

What a horrible feeling

Being trapped inside

I start to breathe and I choke

         My mother used to tell me that Love was a choice not a feeling.  I didn’t listen to anything my mother ever told in my life but for some reason that one thing she told me I believed. It pissed me off the more and more I thought about it. The more I grew these words just made more and more sense. I hate that she told me those words because it made my heart so hard. I questioned myself forever because of those words. Why should I choose to love? Why should I choose to feel such pain? Why should I try to feel anything for anyone if it was my choice?

         My mother also used to tell me that God is love.  I never understood her logic when she told me that she could feel God.



Read this if you want to know Him.

He goes through life

Not fully understanding what he is here for

He is good at everything, great at nothing

Yeah, he is fully functional, he works

Just enough to get by.



He wishes he was something fantastic

He lives as like his life was a movie

He does not think he is smarter than his friends

He thinks he is not as stupid as his friends

And if you understand that, he thinks highly of you.



People like him, He does not understand why, but they do

He secretly hates everything about himself

He would kill himself, but does not want the unwanted attention

So he is very cynical,

He believes in God just in case.



He really is in love with her

When it comes to life, himself does not matter only her

When he says he understands

He does understand

Her pain he feels, you do not have to understand



He does not hide his pain

He feels

He just feels your pain is more important

He offers you a smile, he offers you a tear, and he offers an embrace

He does it for you, he would only for you.



He can only be himself

Please allow him to be.



         Years ago I was in love and out of everything anyone has ever said to me I remember these words the most. She said "John, you know what love is"? I honestly said no. "I take care of you and you take care of me...that’s what love is “she said. Those words were a gift to me and it’s honestly how I live my life...