everything that can go wrong |
the endless fights about how we fought how I never listened to your complaints I never cared about your feelings you were always whining about something what kind of man prattles on about his feelings the ones where I hurt you because I could because you let me I played with them I stayed instead of leaving you pretending to believe he was only a friend of a friend my boss our neighbor your cousin you said don’t you see I am crying because of you I laughed when I should have apologized daring you to leave me if you could if you were going to you would have long ago I reapplied my makeup carefully smoky eyes and dark lips foundation covering the hickeys of the night before over my shoulder in the mirror you stared hopelessness pitiable but not moving you said you have no respect for me as a person I thought you were different you were the only one I told so many things to by now I had plenty of experience in tuning you out I let the cadence of your complaints guide the sweep of the mascara brush forward back forward back you’re breaking my heart why won’t you talk to me I don’t know what I did wrong how can we fix this until I was all done looking foxy hoping I could tempt tonight’s date into think the same and you cried then real tears hands covering the shame of ugly splotchy heartache didn’t I warn you long ago not to fall in love with me that I only knew how to break and not create and I didn’t really want to change it was you laughing then at my relentless negativity in the most defeated tone I had ever heard you use you did the warning if you leave tonight we are done there is no going back I dismissed you and left It was morning when I got home the sky nowhere near lightening on a cold November the seventeenth a Friday somewhere between five and six I wasn’t worried about being late when it was my boss I was out with last night I went to the bathroom to wash the night from my face smoky makeup running like bruises from sweating and dancing I looked like I’ve been crying I almost went to wake you to say something nasty about how you’d finally gotten me to open up but decided against it since I ached truth be told these late nights were taking a toll flipping on the light switch I thought I had knocked over my lipstick nail polish the red streaks dark and shimmering like my lips or fingertips except no I had painted my nails two days ago I was wearing chocolate passion tonight so what they tell me I screamed I don’t remember that wouldn’t it please you now I am the one crying because didn’t you know I was damaged I told you my stories same as you told me yours how could you leave that on my conscience walls I hate that you have the satisfaction of seeing me taking you seriously |