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Leigh is confused by her feelings. She isn't sure if they're love or what. |
There once was a young girl named Leigh who was very good friends with a young boy whom of which she had never met before in real life. His name was Jace. Jace was one year older than small Leigh. She talked to him a great deal; they were very good friends. But one rainy summer day Leigh realized that she liked Jace more than a friend. But she didn’t want to call it love. Or a crush. She didn’t know what to make of the feeling. Leigh began to dream of Jace and her making music and kissing in the snow. These dreams began plague Leigh’s subconscious and still she could not think of a word to accurately describe her feelings for this boy who was called Jace. And so one day Leigh went over to her friend Megan’s house to ask for her help. Leigh explained her situation. She told Megan of her troubles and her dreams; she also told Megan of what happened with her parents. Leigh explained that her parents were angry with her for swearing. They were also angry with her for being friends with Jace because he swore. She was confused. Leigh didn’t know whether to confess her love to her parents as an explanation or to just keep it a secret and accept her punishment. But if she chose the first, she wouldn’t have a word to use. Megan didn’t know what to tell her friend, either. Megan knew that Leigh liked this boy, but she didn’t know if he liked her back. She didn’t want to be dishonest to her friend, but she didn’t want to disappoint her, either. They were both stumped. “Well, Leigh, I dunno. I just--I dunno.” Megan stuttered. She was unsure of herself. No answer to Leigh’s questions yet. “Well…” Leigh began, “why don’t we start by defining whether or not I love Jace?” Megan thought this was a good idea. “Okay. Well, do you or do you not love him?” she asked and laid down on her bed. Leigh thought about this for a moment. “Well, I wouldn’t call it love…” she sighed. “So, is it more than love or less?” “I--less. I don‘t know if it‘s brother love; like I love him like a brother, or if it‘s a crush or, I don‘t know what to call it.” Leigh sighed again. “Okay then.” Megan reached for her bookshelf. She pulled off a small pocket thesaurus. “What is that for?” Leigh asked. “Oh, this? It’s a thesaurus. I’m looking up love.” Megan flipped through the pages of the synonym lexicon until she found the entry she was looking for. “Aha!” she spoke suddenly. “Well, would you describe it as…affection?” “No.” Leigh replied, “Too strong of a word.” “What about uh, fondness?” Megan suggested. “Closer.” said Leigh, “Sort of.” “Zeal?” “What the hell does zeal mean?!” Leigh laughed, sounding a bit like she was about to cry. “Uh…let’s move on. Well, what about he’s just appealing to you?” Megan asked. “Uh...” “Well,” Megan began. “Does he appeal to you? Or, is it something more than that?” “Well I also find Jace to be intriguing. Sort of like a good book. Not that I can read him or anything…” “Okay, so do you find him to be just ‘intriguing’ or do you also find him attractive?” Leigh reached for the thesaurus in Megan’s hand and began reading the sea of synonyms; scanning the page for the proper word to describe her feelings. “Well,” she said, moving the dusty book into her lap in a quick, fluid motion, “I guess it’s kind of like admiration but not like I look up to him. Here,” and she handed the book back to Megan. “Look up admiration.” Megan flipped towards the beginning of the book until she saw the entry for ‘admiration’. “Um, what about adoration?” Megan asked. “No.” Replied Leigh “Delight?” Megan asked again, still thinking that zeal would be the best word choice. “Or…wonder, maybe?” “I dunno. Probably not.” Sighed Leigh. “What about just ‘feeling’?” Megan suggested. Leigh looked puzzled so she explained further, “Like, you just have ‘feeling’ for Jace. It’s kind of vague, but it would work, maybe.” “Well…no.” Leigh sighed. She grabbed the book from Megan’s hands again and began researching on her own. “Well, infatuation is too strong of a word so…what about, uh, passion, maybe?” Megan wondered why Leigh was even asking for her opinion. “I still think either zeal or adoration would be your best bet.” “I don’t know what to say to the former because I have no idea what it means.” said Leigh with a turn of the head. “Here, I’ll look it up in the dictionary this time.” Megan said, trying to comfort her friend. “It means to eagerly want to be with someone or something but not like, a fangirlship or anything like all hyper, but warmly. Do you think that describes it, Leigh?” “Actually, now that I know that I know what it means, I guess maybe. I just don’t know what Jace would think if I told him about…about this zeal I have for him.” Leigh wasn’t feeling very good about any of it. Jace wouldn’t be able to understand. He had gone through some rough relationships before and didn’t want to take the chance again. “Leigh, you’re a great girl. Jace, I’m sure, would be honored to know you have these feelings. Even if you can’t define them without my help.” Megan reassured her friend with a comforting smile. “You know what, Megan?” asked Leigh, sitting up to look at her friend. “What?” “You’re my best friend. Thank you.” |