"The Greatest Adventure Ever"

Awesome, I’m getting yelled at again. I wonder what I did this time. Probably something stupid, which no one but my owner would care about. Oh, wait, he’s got some burnt cat toys… darn it. I thought I got rid of those. Oh well, he shouldn’t get that mad at me. He doesn’t even know or care that I can’t help it. I’m glad I learned how to sleep with my eyes open, now I can skip this stupid lecture I’ve heard a million times. I want to think about happier times right now, I don’t want to deal with my jerk of an owner. Maybe I should just tell you about this one amazing adventure I had. A few weeks ago I had an epic battle with a huge dragon, and I won. It made me feel like a superhero. Maybe I should just run away from this horrible home so I won’t have to care about hiding being a superhero from everyone.

Anyway, back to my awesome adventure. It all started on a day very similar today. Then again, I’m trapped in a boring routine so every day between the hours of 7 am and 9 pm seems the same. I was sleeping, and being yelled at, again. All over some stupid cat toys. I wished my owner would have just accepted me for my flaws. I just wanted to start yelling back, but I knew I couldn’t do that. He didn’t know that I could talk, and he will never know. He also didn’t know that I could breathe fire. If only I could tell him, maybe then he wouldn’t have continued to yell at me. It wasn’t my fault that I was having so much fun with that squeaky mouse that I accidently torched it. I did try to fix it, but you can’t really fix anything like that. So I decided to throw it away. He found it though, and rubbed it in my face. He always says, “Why can’t you play with a cat toy without burning it?!” I could have answered that, but then I might have gotten taken away. You may think that sounds like a good thing, but it wouldn’t be. I would’ve been carted away by the government or something like that. And worst of all, I’d have to leave my best, and only, friend behind. So I just kept my mouth shut, and slept under some clothes in a laundry basket for the rest of the day.

It was about eight or nine at night when I woke up. I decided to get out of the house, so I went to my secret headquarters. About five minutes after I got there, my phone rang. It was the Mayor.

“Philip, I need your help! There’s a horrible dragon blowing bubbles all over my yard. You need to get down here and get rid of him,” the Mayor said frantically.

I replied, “Don’t worry, I’ll be right there!”

I hurried down to his yard as fast as I could, considering I couldn’t fly and I wasn’t in very good physical shape. I got there as the dragon seemed like he was going to attack, and the Mayor was hiding behind a tree.

“Mayor, Mayor! Are you okay?” I shouted.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just get this dragon out of here!” he called back.

I ran up behind the dragon, but then I took a break, because all of that running was tiring me out. I started punching, clawing, and kicking at the dragon, but that wasn’t doing anything, it was still spewing bubbles all over the lawn. I ran around to the front of the beast, and tried to talk him into leaving. That jerk didn’t reply to anything I said to it, so I got mad. Then I remembered my fire-breathing ability. I melted that dragon down to a puddle, and scooped it up and brought it home, like a trophy. I left it in my secret hideout, and decided to get some more sleep.

About ten minutes later, I awoke to two children standing in my hideout. They were talking about their pet dragon they lost. Uh oh. I think that’s when they saw the melted pile on the floor next to me, and decided to blame me. I think that that’s unfair, considering I did that to save the Mayor’s life, but they didn’t seem to care. They threw me out of MY secret hideout, and I went home. The door was locked though, so I spent the morning sleeping on the welcome mat.

Apparently those stupid mean kids called my owner about their stupid pet, and I got an earful from him too. I wish my life as a secret super hero wasn’t so difficult.
Okay, confession time. I have an overactive imagination, and a lot of those things I told you about my adventure didn’t really happen. Well, they did happen, but maybe a little less dramatically.

First off, the Mayor was actually never involved in my story. It was really my best friend, who happens to be called Mayor. Mayor is a hobo who lives in the park down the street, so consider that his yard, and that’s technically where I had some sort of battle. Anyway, I don’t really know why people call him Mayor, they just do. He’s my best friend, and the only person in my life that knows about my ability to talk and breathe fire. Yeah, that part of my story was 100% true. But I have to admit that I am not a real superhero. That secret hide out I keep visiting on the night of my adventure? Yeah, that was just the neighbor’s tree house. And they are the owner of the dragon toy, not a pet dragon. So that means that the part about the dragon wasn’t completely true either. The big, huge, bubble blowing dragon was just a children’s toy that was also a bubble machine. It didn’t want to hurt anyone or anything like that. I guess it really couldn’t hurt anyone, unless a bubble popped in your eye, or maybe you tripped over it or something… Oops, sorry, got a little off topic. Anyway, Mayor set up this really cool telephone for me, with two cans and a piece of string. It was him who called me to come get rid of the dragon. The children left it at the park earlier, and he said that maybe if I brought it home for them, they wouldn’t be as mad at me when they throw me out of their tree house every morning. So I went there, and battled the dragon! But my “battle” with the dragon wasn’t really a battle at all. The “battle” was me just trying to figure out how to carry it. You see, it was very heavy, and I not being able to fly made getting it home pretty difficult. I tried pulling it, but I only made it a couple of feet. Then I started trying to push it. It worked at first, but the scraping noise it made when it went across the sidewalk hurt my ears. I sat down and tried to figure out a way to get this dumb dragon home. Eventually I came up with the idea to melt it. Then I’d have less to carry, and it wouldn’t be so bulky. I thought the idea was brilliant at first. I melted it down, and almost forgot to let it cool before I tried carrying it again. I though ten minutes was enough, so I started trying to get it home again. I was right about one thing; it was a lot easier to get that toy home.

I eventually did get the dragon toy home. It took me about twenty more minutes to get the toy into my yard. I tried the door, but it was locked. Then I decided to try the neighbor’s yard, and leave the toy in the tree house, thinking that the children would find it when they came to kick me out in the morning. But I thought they might not kick me out, considering I brought home that dragon for them. It took me forever to try and get the toy up into the tree house. I took it one step at a time, but sometimes I missed a step and had to start over again at the bottom. My system was to push the dragon up onto the step above me, than try to climb up and repeat. I knocked it down the first couple times I tried it, but I eventually got it up onto the tree house floor. I realized how exhausted that whole journey from the park, to their yard, and up into the tree house made me. I thought about going back home where I would be more comfortable, but I fell asleep instantly.

I woke up to the sound of the neighbor’s kids yelling about something. When I heard what they were saying, I realized that melting the dragon toy may not have been such a good idea.

“Hey, what’s this pile of plastic?” he said.

“Oh my god, I think that’s our dragon toy that blows bubbles! But we just got it!” she yelled.

“Are you kidding me? Oh look, there’s that stupid cat. Wait, doesn’t he always manage to burn toys? I bet this was all his fault!” he exclaimed.

I figured I should leave then, or I’d probably be thrown from the window or something like that. I don’t know how I escaped, being so tired, but I did. Then I curled up on the mat in front of the still locked door.

That’s my true story. Sure, I wish my life was a little bit more like my first version, but maybe it’s good that it isn’t like that. Sure, I get yelled at by my owner and those snotty children next door, but I realized that I don’t really care anymore. I am the way I am, and I’m not going to mind what they say to me anymore. Yeah, I screw up sometimes, but there’s no need to yell at me every single time. I’ve learned from all my mistakes, and they’re just telling me what I already figured out. I don’t need to listen to their inputs anymore; I’m going to be my own person. I am a cat, and I’m going to be myself.