FOR MY DAD ON FATHER'S DAY

IN LOVING MEMORY

OF DAD WHOSE LOVE FOR US

AND FOR ALL AROUND

CAN NEVER BE
COMPENSATED BY ANYONE ON EARTH.

WHO WALKED AWAY INTO OBLIVION
NEVER TO RETURN BACK


TODAY JANUARY 2011 WAS A BUSY DAY FOR ME. HEAVY RUSH IN THE BRANCH, A COURT CASE TO BE ATTENDED SO ON AND SO FORTH. I RETURNED BACK HOME EXHAUSTED TO HAVE A GOOD SLEEP. I DID NOT TAKE THE BANK KEYS WITH ME AS CASH WAS NOT CLOSED AT THE TIME I LEFT BRANCH.

BY 9.00 P.M. A CALL CAME FROM MALLIKA. “LATIKA , DAD IS NOT WELL. YOU AND CHANDRETTAN START IMMEDIATELY. HE VOMITTED BLOOD AND WE ARE TAKING HIM IN A AMBULANCE TO ASWINI HOSPITAL UNDER DR.THAMBI’S ADVICE. “ BLOOD? BUT DAD WAS ONLY DIABETIC? MY HEART SKIPPED A BEAT. THAT MESSAGE DID NOT SOUND OK. I WANTED TO LEAVE HOME IMMEDIATELY. BUT NO TICKETS WERE AVAILABLE FROM CHENNAI TO SHORNUR. NO TRAINS AND FLIGHTS. I CALLED MOM AND HER CRY MADE ME FEAR THE WORST. THEY WERE ALREADY PROCEEDING IN A AMBULANCE TO THRISSUR. IN BETWEEN I COULD HEAR DAD’S FEEBLE VOICE TELLING ‘NOTHING IS WRONG.WHY YOU ARE TAKING ME TO THE HOSPITAL? CAN’T YOU LEAVE ME TO SLEEP?’

ASH MY SON MANAGED TO GET FLIGHT TICKETS TO COIMBATORE EARLY THE NEXT MORNING. I REMEMBER DUMPING FEW CLOTHES INTO THE BAG. COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT. ALL THE POSSIBLE THOUGHTS ENTERED MY MIND. LATER THAT NIGHT A CALL HAD COME FROM MALLIKA THAT DAD IS ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL. NO OTHER NEWS.

FROM HERE MY STORY BEGINS. A STORY WHICH WILL HAUNT ME ALWAYS. ADDED TO IT IS THE REALISATION ON ONE ONE IMPORTANT ASPECT OF LIFE. SOMETHING I THINK IGNORED.

DAD IS GONE ,WALKED ONE FINE DAY INTO OBLIVION, LEAVING ME BACK WONDERING , THIS IS IT?




PAREKAT BALAKRISHNAN NAIR, OUR DAD, LOVINGLY CALLED PBK BY THOSE CLOSE TO HIM WAS BORN IN A REMOTE VILLAGE IN PALGHAT DISTRICT. CHETHALLUR. A VILLAGE WHERE NATURE HAS BEEN GENEROUS. GREEN PADDY FIELDS, HILLS ON ALL FOUR SIDES.THE KUNTHI PUZHA RUNNING ACROSS. ATHIPATTA MANA STOOD IN A CORNER UNDER THE NARAYANATHU PIRAANTHAN MALA(HILL). IT WAS HERE THAT NARAYANATHU PIRAANTHAN ROLLED THE STONES FROM THE TOP OF THE HILL AFTER CARRYING IT ALL THE WAY UP ALL BY HIMSELF? WHAT WAS THE INTELLECT TRYING TO TELL US? WE CAN ALL GUESS.
DAD WAS THE ELDEST IN THE FAMILY OF FOUR BROTHERS AND TWO SISTERS. A VERY POOR FAMILY WITH A SICK FATHER AND A HARDWORKING MOTHER SLOGGING ALL DAY DOING HOUSEHOLD JOBS FOR THE FAMILIES IN THE BIG THARAVADS NEARBY. SHE USED TO GO GRIND THE PADDY TO TAKE OUT THE RICE GRAINS AND RETURN BACK HOME WITH THE SMALL COINS GIVEN FROM THE HOUSEHOLDS. BUT THE LADY WAS STRONG. SHE FACED THE ODDS BRAVELY. FROM WHAT I HEARD FROM DAD AND MOM THE CHILDREN GREW ALL BY THEMSELVES WITH NO ONE TO GUIDE THEM, NO ONE TO TEACH THEM,NO ONE TO ADVICE THEM. THEY GREW BY THEMSELVES IN BETWEEN POVERTY AND GRIEF WITH NO COMPLAINS. SOME GOT LUCKY AS THEY GREW AND RESCUED THE FAMILY. SOME LEFT BACK LOITERING IN THE VILLAGE WITH NO AIM IN LIFE. THE KUNTHI PUZHA FLOWED AS USUAL A SILENT WITNESS TO ALL THE HAPPENINGS IN THE HOUSEHOLDS.

STILL THE PEOPLE THERE WERE HAPPY. THE CHILDREN LOVED THE VILLAGE. ENJOYED THE NATURE AND GREW UP INTO NAUGHTY TEENAGERS AND FROM THERE TO STRONG MEN FOR LIFE TAUGHT THEM A LOT OF LESSONS. PATHAYAPURAYIL ,THE HOUSE DAD GREW UP STILL STANDS THERE BEAUTIFUL AND NOBLE , NOW OCCUPIED BY AMMINI DAD’S YOUNGER SISTER. WE CALL HER AMMINI CHECHI. FOR US ,ALL WERE CHECHI’S AND CHETAN’S WHEN WE WERE KIDS AND AS WE GREW UP IT WAS DIFFICULT TO ADDRESS ALL OF THEM AS MEMA, MAAMA ETC.ETC.THE BOYS IN DAD’S HOUSE WHO WERE THE MAJORITY GREW TO HANDSOME MEN INCLUDING DAD AND PROTECTED AND LOVED THEIR TWO ONLY SISTERS. ACHAMMA(DAD’S MOTHER) RAN THE HOUSE EFFICIENTLY WITH EFFECTIVE DECISION MAKING. SHE USED TO BE ALWAYS IN WHITE.

DAD STUDIED ALONGWITH HIS BROTHERS IN CHETHALLUR HIGH SCHOOL TILL THE EIGHTH STANDARD. HE COULD NOT CONTINUE AFTER THAT . HE LEFT FOR WYANAD TO WORK IN A TEA SHOP RUN BY HIS UNCLE. THEN IN TEA ESTATES. EARNING A MEAGRE SUM WHICH HE USED TO SEND TO TREAT HIS BED RIDDEN FATHER AND FOR THE WELL BEING OF HIS FAMILY. ONE FINE DAY DAD GOT A JOB AS LD CLERK IN THE LABOUR DEPARTMENT UNDER THE TAMINADU GOVERNMENT. ALL WERE HAPPY TO HEAR THE NEWS FOR A GOVERNMENT JOB THAT TIME NOT ONLY BROUGHT IN A STATUS IN LIFE BUT ALSO A PERMANENT SALARY. THUS DAD LEFT CHETHALLUR HIS LOVELY VILLAGE TO THE NILGIRI HILLS IN TAMILNADU. HE WAS POSTED IN COONOOR A SMALL TOWN IN THE NILGRIS. HE WAS AROUND 25 BY THEN.
HE DECIDED TO MARRY MY MOTHER, AS PER HIS FATHER’S WISH. A YOUNG GIRL IN THE THARAVAD OPPOSITE TO HIS HOUSE IN CHETHALLUR. THE GIRL WAS VERY INTELLIGENT, HAD BEEN TO DO HER PRE-DEGREE IN GURUVAYOOR. THE FIRST WOMAN TO LEAVE THE VILLAGE TO STUDY OUTSIDE! PADINCHARAKKARA KALAM HOUSE WAS THE NAME OF THE THARVAD MOM WAS BORN. THEY WERE EIGHT OF THEM SIX GIRLS AND TWO MEN! GRANDPA WAS A HEADMASTER IN VELLINEZHI HIGH SCHOOL IN VELLINEZHI, A VILLAGE OPPOSITE TO CHETHALLUR. THE KUNTHI PUZHA DIVIDED BOTH THE VILLAGES. MOM HAD TO STOP HER STUDIES IN BETWEEN TO ENABLE GRANDPA TO GIVE THE REQUIRED EDUCATION TO THE ELDEST SON AND MOM’S YOUNGER SIBLINGS.GRANDPA MARRIED GRANDMA WHO WAS FIFTEEN THEN. A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ADMIRED BY ALL IN THE VILLAGE. SHE LIVED UNDER THE PROTECTIVE UMBRELLA OF GRANDPA INNOCENT AND HELPLESS.
MOM DISCONTINUED HER STUDIES AND WAS SOON MARRIED OFF TO DAD. SHE ALSO LEFT THE QUIET VILLAGE OF CHETHALLUR TO COONOOR AND THUS STARTED LIFE IN COONOOR. STRUGGLES, MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS, NO ONE TO HELP EXCEPT SOME NICE FRIENDS.BUT DAD TOOK HER TO ALL THE MOVIES AND TRIED HIS BEST TO MAKE EVERYTHING COMFORTABLE FOR MOM WITH THE SALARY HE GOT.











CHAPTER II

OUR FLIGHT TO COIMBATORE LANDED BY 7.30 A.M ON THE 28TH OF JANUARY 2011. WE DECIDED TO HIRE A TAXI STRAIGHT TO THE HOSPITAL IN THRISSUR. OUR ONLY AIM WAS TO REACH THERE AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE. ASH, ETTAN AND MYSELF REACHED THE HOSPITAL BY 9.30 A.M. THE LOUNGE AT THE HOSPITAL LOOKED CROWDED AND AS WE MOVED INSIDE I SAW ALL THE BROTHERS OF DAD ALONGWITH THEIR WIVES AND CHILDREN, WAITING PATIENTLY DOWN FOR THE VISITOR’S TIME TO START IN THE AFTERNOON. ALL LOOKED TIRED AND WORN OUT BUT STILL STOOD BY THE SIDE TO SEE THIER BROTHER A LOOK OF CONCERN AND SADNESS ON THEIR FACES. I COULD ONLY GIVE THEM ALL A FAINT SMILE. WE RAN UP THE STAIRS AND SOMEHOW MANAGED TO REACH THE INTENSIVE CARE UNIT WHERE DAD WAS AT PRESENT ADMITTED. HE LAY WAITING IN THE OBSERVATION ROOM FOR ALL THE TESTS TO BE CONDUCTED. MOM COULD NOT BE SEEN ANYWHERE. I RUSHED INSIDE TO REACH DAD. ARAVIND , MALLIKA’S ELDEST SON STOOD THERE TIRED AND SAD. DAD LAY IN THE HOSPITAL BED TIRED BUT CHEERFUL. HE WAS SURPRISED TO SEE ALL HIS BROTHERS, AND NOW I STOOD THERE. HE ASKED ME AS USUAL IN HIS SERIOUS TONE “WHY DID YOU TAKE LEAVE AND COME HERE? WHY ARE YOU NOT GOING TO OFFICE PUNCTUALLY? AM QUIET OK AND NOTHING IS WRONG.” I COULD ONLY NOD MY HEAD FOR I KNEW DAD WAS A PERFECTIONIST AND ALWAYS ADVISED US TO AVOID TAKING LEAVE AND WORK HARD FOR THE ORGANISATION WHICH GAVE US OUR SALARY.
I LEFT THE ROOM WONDERING HOW TO MAKE DAD UNDERSTAND THAT HE LANDED IN HOSPITAL NOT BECAUSE HE MERELY VOMITTED, OR BECAUSE HIS SUGAR LEVEL INCREASED. IT WAS BECAUSE HE VOMITTED BLOOD AT HOME AND WAS RUSHED TO HOSPITAL. THEN I DECIDED WITHIN ME TO LET HIM ASSUME THAT HE WAS THERE FOR A MERE CHECK UP. MALLIKA AND HER ETTAN STOOD BY THE SIDE ALL TIRED AFTER THE PREVIOUS DAY’S INCIDENTS AND LOOKED SHOCKED. IN FACT ALL OF US STOOD SURPRISED AND SHOCKED BY THE TURN OF EVENTS. HOW LIFE CAN GO TOPSY-TURVY WITHIN A MATTER OF SECONDS.
WANTED TO BE NEAR MOM. SHE FACED THE ENTIRE INCIDENT , CONFUSED NOT KNOWING HOW TO REACT. A PRAYING MOM , THE PREVIOUS DAY,SOON WAS RUNNING TO CALL MALLIKA AND ETTAN SEEING DAD IN A HELPLESS POSITION NOT ABLE TO GET UP FROM THE BATHROOM FLOOR. THEN A DAD VOMITTING BUCKETS OF BLOOD PLEADING ALL TO LEAVE HIM ALONE, ALLOW HIM TO SLEEP. A PROTESTING DAD WHO NEVER LIKED TO BE TAKEN TO A HOSPITAL AND WAS FORCED TO, THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE. SHE SAT NEXT TO DAD IN THE SPEEDING AMBULANCE HOLDING HIS HEAD AND WHISPERING TO HIM IN HIS EARS THAT NOTHING IS WRONG.




CHAPTER III

LIFE IN COONOOR, WAS LIKE HEAVEN. THE SCENIC BEAUTY AROUND, THE INNOCENT PEOPLE, THE TODAS,THE BADAGAS WHO BELONG TO THE PLACE THE ENDLESS TEA GARDENS, THE SCENT FROM THE EUCALYPTUS LEAVES AS THEY SWAYED TO THE COOL BREEZE. THE QUEEN OF THE HILLS STOOD WATCHING WITH SERENITY AND PRIDE.

MY ELDER SISTER MALLIKA WAS BORN IN THE LAWLEY HOSPITAL . AN OXYGEN BABY, WITH A BLOOD GROUP NOT SUITING MOM’S. A- NEGATIVE. SHE COULD NOT BE BREAST-FED AS MOM’S MILK DID NOT SUIT HER. MAY BE IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE DIFFERENCE IN THE BLOOD GROUP. SHE GREW UP WEAK AND ALWAYS CRYING. TO ADD TO HER GRIEF I CAME THE VERY NEXT YEAR DIVERTING EVERYONE’S ATTENTION TO MYSELF. FROM THEN STARTED OUR SMALL QUARRELS AND WHICH CONTINUES EVEN NOW!

MOM BROUGHT US UP LIKE TWINS AND WE ALMOST LOOKED ALIKE. WE WORE THE SAME DRESS, THE SAME JEWELLERY. WE WALKED TO THE SAME SCHOOL AND GREW UP TOGETHER. FROM THE SMALL RENTED HOUSE IN ALWARPET WE MOVED TO THE POSH REILLY’S COMPOUND TO OUR OWN SMALL COZY HOUSE. ON THE VACANT AREA IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE MOM USED TO GROW VEGETABLES LIKE CABBAGES, CARROTS ON ONE SIDE AND BEAUTIFUL FLOWER GARDEN ON THE OTHER SIDE WITH ROSES, HUGE DAHLIAS, CRYSANTHAMUMS . THERE WAS ALSO A PEAR TREE AND A PEACH TREE WHICH GAVE SWEET PEARS AND PEACHES DURING THE SEASON.WE GREW UP MOULDED WITH NATURE. MOM MANAGED THE HOUSE EFFICIENTLY WITH THE MONEY DAD GAVE HER. SHE JOINED VARIOUS CHITS TO BUY STEEL VESSELS AND SUBSTITUTED THEM FOR THE OLD ALUMINIUM VESSELS WE HAD. SHE BOUGHT DRESSES FOR US FOR ALL FESTIVALS REPAYING THE COST IN INSTALMENTS. SHE STOOD IN LONG QUEUES IN THE RATION SHOP TO BUY THE MONTHLY PROVISIONS AND AS MALLIKA AND MYSELF GREW UP WE WE HELPED HER IN THE TASK. SHE SHOWED HER HAPPINESS TO US BY PREPARING SNACKS HOT AND TASTY AS WE RETURNED FROM THE RATION SHOP.

DAD USED TO HELP AT HOME INCLUDING MANUALLY GRINDING THE DOUGH FOR MAKING IDLIS. HE USED TO CARRY US AROUND ON HIS STRONG SHOULDERS DANCING, TELL US NICE STORIES PICTURING ANIMALS, BIRDS, WITCHES, EVERYTHING AROUND. THE DESCRIPTION WAS SO BEAUTIFUL THAT IT ALWAYS APPEARED REAL IN THE FRONT OF US. WE LISTENED WITH MOUTH WIDE OPEN WHILE DAD CONTINUED ENJOYING OUR EXPRESSIONS.

MOM TAUGHT US THE HARD REALITIES OF LIFE, MADE US RELIGIOUS AND UNDERSTAND THE FEAR OF GOD TO MOVE AWAY FROM SINS AND WRONG DOINGS. DAD TAUGHT US TO BE PRACTICAL IN LIFE AND AT TIMES MADE US SEE LIFE AS A BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE. BOTH NEVER SPOKE OF THE HARDSHIPS THEY WERE GOING THROUGH TO LIVE A DECENT LIFE BUT WE WATCHED THEM WORK HARD TO ACHIEVE THE GOALS THEY SET. A LESSON WHICH TAUGHT US TO FOLLOW IN OUR OWN LIVES THOUGH WE COULD NOT REACH UP TO THEIR LEVEL OF ACHIEVEMENT.

WE WERE PUT IN THE BEST ENGLISH MEDIUM SCHOOLS, INSPITE OF THE HIGH FEES. AN EDUCATION WHICH MOULDED US TO FACE THE PRESENT WORLD. TRAINED YEARS BEFORE I, NCLUDING GOOD MANNERISMS, A GOOD ACCENT IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, CONFIDENCE TO FACE ANY SITUATIONS IN TODAY’S COPORATE WORLD. OUR TEACHERS WERE MOSTLY ANGO-INDIANS AS COONOOR WAS ONCE A PLACE WHERE THE BIRITISHERS LIVED AND DEVELOPED DURING THEIR RULE IN INDIA. THE SMALL COTTAGES WITH THE FIRE PLACE IN THE DRAWING ROOMS LIT DURING THE COLD WINTERS, THE RAILWAY STATION WITH THE TRAIN RUNNING ON CHARCOAL PLYING FROM METTUPALAYAM UP THE HILL TO COONOOR AND ENDING AT OOTACAMUND. THE STRONG ROADS WITH THE NUMEROUS HAIR PIN BENDS CONNECTING THE QUEEN OF THE HILLS TO THE SMALL TOWN OF METTUPALAYAM AND FROM THERE TO THE INDUSTRIAL CITY OF COIMBATORE. THE PREDECENTS OF THE BRITISHERS STILL CONTINUE TO LIVE HERE REMINDING US OF THE GOOD THINGS DONE BY THE BRITISH FOR THEIR OWN CONVENIENCE, WHICH PROVED TO BE AN ADVANTAGE TO THE FUTURE GENERATIONS.






Chapter IV

JAI OUR ONLY YOUNGER BROTHER WAS INFORMED OF THE DEVELOPMENTS HERE IN HOSPITAL TIME AND AGAIN AS HE WAS FAR AWAY IN SINGAPORE. AS WE WAITED OUTSIDE THE ICU WONDERING WHAT WILL BE THE NEXT MOVE OF THE DOCTORS, WE WERE INFORMED DAD WILL HAVE TO TAKE A CT SCAN AND A ENDOSCOPY. HE WAS BROUGHT OUT OF THE ICU IN A STRETCHER AND AS HE PASSED US HE SMILED WAVING TO MOM SAYING HE WILL COME BACK SOON. A DAD FULL OF CONFIDENCE AND WILL-POWER AT THIS AGE OF 83. I LOOKED AT HIM WITH ADMIRATION. HE WENT FOR THE SCAN SAYING IN A THUNDEROUS VOICE WHICH MADE HEADS TURN ‘I DONT CARE. I WILL FIGHT THIS TILL THE END”.

NEXT HE WENT IN FOR A ENDOSCOPY . HIS LIVER WAS BLEEDING AND NEED TO BE CLIPPED TO STOP THE BLEEDING. IT WAS DONE SUCCESSFULLY BUT WE HEARD WITH SHOCK THAT WAS DAD WAS SUFFERING FROM LIVERSIROSIS AND HAS LIVER CANCER AT ITS ADVANCED STAGE. FROM HERE THE NIGHTMARE FOR BOTH DAD AND ALL OF US STARTED.AN ACTIVE DAD WHO WALKED JUST TWO DAYS BEFORE HALE AND HEALTHY NOW LAY IN BED WEAK AND SAD. MEDICINES WERE INJECTED. TUBES WERE FITTED AND DAD LAY ALONE IN THE ICU, SOMETHING HE DESCRIBED MONTHS BEFORE HUMOUROUSLY COMMENTING WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO A HUMAN BEING ONCE ADMITTED IN A HOPITAL.

LYING IN THE ICU IS A TRAUMA FOR THE PATIENT AND FAMILY, FOR THE DAD WHO WAS TEMPORARILY SHIFTED TO THE OBSERVATION ROOM WAS A COMPLETELY CHANGED MAN. HALLUCINATIONS, LOSS OF MEMORY, FEAR OF ALL AROUND HIM, ANGER, SADNESS. ALL WILL-POWER , COURAGE GONE. BY EVENING DAD STARTED VOMITTING BLOOD AGAIN AND HE DISAPPEARED INTO THE ICU ALONE AND LONELY AGAIN.

MY FRUSTRATION MADE ME CURSE EVERYTHING. I THOUGHT WITHIN MYSELF WE SHOULD HAVE LET HIM DIE OR SLEEP AS DAD HINTED AT HOME. MODERN MEDICINES AND TREATMENTS ARE THEY HELPING THE PATIENT ALWAYS OR CAUSING HAVOC TO HIM AND ALL AROUND HIM? THIS WILL REMAIN A QUESTION WITHIN ME. DID WE HELP DAD OR MADE HIM SUFFER AT THIS AGE OF 83?







CHAPTER V

AFTER SEVEN YEARS I WAS BORN DAD AND MOM HAD A BOY. HE WAS NAMED JAYAKUMAR. A DREAM FOR ALL PARENTS. TO HAVE A SON!

JAI WAS A NAUGHTY BRAT UNLIKE BOTH OF US. HE KEPT MOM ON HER HEELS. BUT A CUTE BOY DOING NAUGHTY ACTS WHICH MAKE US LAUGH EVEN NOW. HIS WORLD APPEARED DIFFERENT AND HIS ACTS MADE US GAPE WITH OPEN MOUTHS. HE LEARNT CYCLING ALL BY HIMSELF. WAS ALWAYS PLAYING CRICKET EVEN THE DAY BEFORE THE EXAMS, WHILST MOM USED TO STUDY FOR HIM DURING THE EXAMS! NOTHING WORRIED THE BOY AND ALL THE NEIGHBOURS JUST LOVED HIM. AS HE GREW UP HIS WORLD WAS FULL OF FRIENDS, VEHICLES AND A LOT OF ACTIVITY.AT HOME HIS USUAL MISCHIEFS WERE DONE MIXING THE URAD DAL WITH THE SAMBAR DAL, FLOODING THE KITCHEN WITH WATER, TYING THE PLAITS OF HIS SISTERS WITHOUT THEY BEING AWARE UNLESS THEY MOVE IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS!

DAD IN THE MEANWHILE WAS TRANSFERRED TO CHENNAI ON PROMOTION. HIS VISITS FROM CHENNAI WAS MEMORABLE HANDS FULL OF SWEETS, DRESSES, TOYS. WHAT A LOVING DAD HE WAS! YEARS FLEW AND ONE DAY DAD GOT MANAGED TO GET A TRANSFER TO COIMBATORE WHICH WAS NEARER TO US. WE NOW DECIDED TO SHIFT TO COIMBATORE LEAVING OUR SMALL HOUSE UNDER THE CARE OF PADMAN UNCLE (MOM’S BROTHER) WHO WAS THEN WORKING IN UPASI(UNITED PLANTERS ASSOCIATION OF SOUTH INDIA). DAD MANAGED TO GET THE JOB FOR UNCLE SO THAT HE CAN SETTLE IN LIFE. DAD WAS POSTED IN COIMBATORE AS INSPECTOR OF LABOUR(WEIGHTS AND MEASURES). HE HAD TO VISIT THE VARIOUS TEXTILE MILLS IN COIMBATORE AS HE WAS IN CHARGE OF LABOUR PROBLEMS TOO. INSPITE OF HIS HIGH OFFICE POSITION HE RIDED A BICYCLE TO OFFICE IN THE HOT SUN. ALL THREE OF US WERE PUT IN A GOOD SCHOOL IN COIMBATORE – ST.FRANCIS CONVENT.

WE WERE JOINED IN COMBATORE BY DAD’S YOUNGER BROTHER GOPI MAAMA WHO WORKED IN THE SURVEY DEPARTMENT. A QUIET PERSON WHO WAS THE NEXT PERSON SLOGGING IN HIS FAMILY TO STAY DECENT IN SOCIETY. A LOVING CHERIACHAN SO ATTACHED TO DAD AND ALL OF US.HE IS NO MORE WHICH WAS A GREAT SHOCK FOR DAD. THE DENT HE CREATED IN DAD’S LIFE MADE DAD A SAD LONELY PERSON. ONE REASON WHY DAD FORGOT TO SMILE IN THE DAYS AFTER THE TRAGIC DEATH. THEY WERE SO ATTACHED TO EACH OTHER THAN THE OTHER BROTHERS.

COIMBATORE THOUGH FULL OF ACTIVITIES, THEATRES, LOT OF SHOPPING, DID NOT COMPENSATE THE SERENE HAPPY LIFE AT COONOOR. BUT STILL DAD TOOK US TO ALL THE BIG THEATRES TO WATCH GOOD MOVIES, BROUGHT US NICE DRESSES AND FOR THE FIRST TIME WE WORE GOLD JEWELLERY. MOM COULD WEAR A FEW GOLD BANGLES IN HER SLIM HANDS AND A CHAIN. SHE GOT A SILK SARI FIRST TIME IN LIFE. THREE YEARS FLEW HAPPILY

DAD GOT A PROMOTION PLUS A TRANSFER TO COONOOR AND ONCE MORE WE WERE BACK IN THE SAME SMALL COZY HOUSE IN REILLY’S COMPOUND. HE BECAME AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF THE COONOOR KERALA SAMAJAM, ESTABLISHED A GOOD LIBRARY , A CLUB FOR THE YOUNGSTERS TO WHILE AWAY THEIR TIME WHICH HAD ACTIVITIES LIKE TABLE TENNIS, CARROMS. HE WROTE THE SCRIPT FOR DRAMAS AND SMALL SKITS WHICH WERE ON STAGE DURING ONAM CELEBRATIONS. I REALISED THIS OTHER SIDE OF DAD THAT DAY, THE AMOUNT OF INVOLVEMENT HE SHOWED TO GET THE ACTORS IN THE PLAY RIGHT AND AT TIMES HE HIMSELF ACTED IN SOME. I USED TO GLANCE THE PAGES IN HIS DIARY WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE AND READ WHAT THINGS PASSED DEEPLY IN HIS MIND.

DAD USED TO TAKE ME TO VARIOUS TEA ESTATES WHEN HE WENT FOR INSPECTION AND I LEARNT HOW TEA WAS BEING MANUFACTURED IN THE FACTORIES. HE USED TO PATIENTLY EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THE LEAVES WHICH WERE MANUALLY PLUCKED BY THE LABOURERS FROM THE ESTATES WERE CONVERTED INTO DRY LEAVES, PACKED AND SOLD. THOSE WERE VALUABLE MOMENTS IN MY LIFE WHICH CANNOT BE FORGOTTEN AND I CONTINUE TO HOLD. EVEN AS TYPE THESE SENTENCES I WEEP AS I NOW REALISE HOW I MISS HIM, HOW MUCH OF PLACE HE HAD IN MY LIFE, HOW MUCH HE TRIED TO MOULD ME TO WHAT I AM TODAY.

DAD MANAGED TO CONSTRUCT A BIGGER HOUSE IN THE VACANT AREA NEXT TO OUR CUTE LITTLE HOUSE AND WE SHIFTED TO THE SAME WITH A NICE HOUSE WARMING PARTY GIVEN TO ALL DAD’S AND MOM’S FRIENDS. THE CUTE LITTLE HOUSE WAS GIVEN FOR RENT.

MALLIKA AND MYSELF COMPLETED OUR GRADUATION IN PROVIDENCE COLLEGE FOR WOMEN IN KOTAGIRI. JAI COMPLETED HIS COURSE IN ENGINEERING IN ERODE. BOTH MALLI AND MYSELF WERE MARRIED OFF TO KERALA WHILST JAI MANAGED TO GET A GOOD JOB IN PUNE. MOM AND DAD WERE NOW ALL ALONE IN COONOOR. DAD RETIRED FROM SERVICE AND THEIR LONELY LIFE CONTINUED WITH WE CHILDREN BUSY IN OUR OWN WORLD.




CHAPTER VI

DAYS IN FRONT OF THE ICU WAS TOTALLY A PUNISHMENT BOTH FOR DAD AND FOR US SITTING OUTSIDE. SINCE DAD WAS SHOWING SIGNS OF MEMORY LOSS WE ASKED JAI CAME FROM SINGAPORE TO BE WITH DAD FOR A FEW DAYS. HE CAME ALONG WITH HIS WIFE AND KIDS. AMMU MY DAUGHTER ALSO CAME TO SEE HER MUTHASSAN. THUS DAD COULD SEE ALL HIS NEAR AND DEAR ONES.

BUT HE WAS NOT HAPPY. HE JUST WANTED TO GO HOME. A LOT OF INJECTIONS, MEDICINES, SHUT IN A ROOM WITH NO SUNLIGHT, NO KNOWEDGE OF TIME, NO KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND HIM. HE LAY THERE HELPLESS TOTALLY DEPENDANT ON THE DECISION OF OTHERS. THE MOST FRUSTRATING TIME A PERSON CAN HAVE IN HIS LIFE. WE COULD FEEL THE SUFFERING OF THAT NOBLE MIND BUT WE SAT OUTSIDE HELPLESS WAITING FOR SOME MIRACLE TO HAPPEN. ONE FINE DAY DOCTOR DECIDED TO SHIFT DAD TO THE ROOM. WE WERE ALL THEN, I THINK THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. SOMEHOW WE FELT THE WHOLE NIGHTMARE IS GOING TO END AND WE ARE ALL GOING HOME WITH A HEALTHY DAD.

DAD GOT SHIFTED TO THE ROOM IN THE MORNING BY 10. HIS FIRST REACTION WAS LOOKING AROUND HIM AS IF HE WAS TRYING TO GET A FEEL OF THE ATMOSPHERE OUTSIDE THE ICU. ON ENTERING THE ROOM DAD WHO WAS ALWAYS ONE WITH NATURE ASKED US TO OPEN THE WINDOWS. HE SAW THE WORLD OUTSIDE AND SIGHED A BREATH OF RELIEF . THERE WAS A VIEW OF A SWIMMING POOL FROM WHERE HE LAY WITH CHILDREN JUMPING INTO THE WATER, LAUGHING, SHOUTING, SPLASHING WATER ALL OVER. DAD WATCHED THEM PLAY AND SMILED TO HIMSELF. I WATCHED HIM SLEEP PEACEUFLLY LIKE A BABY. SAFE AND HAPPY.
HIS NEPHEW PRADEEP CAME TO VISIT HIM. DAD WAS SO HAPPY AND EXCITED TO SEE HIM. HE EVEN HINTED ON PURCHASING AN OLD HOUSE IN CHETHALLUR WHICH MADE ME WONDER HOW MUCH HE WAS MISSING THE VILLAGE HE WAS BORN AND THE PEOPLE THERE.

TO OUR SURPRISE THE NEXT MINUTE PRADEEP LEFT DAD’S CONDITION CHANGED. HIS FACE BECAME DARK, HE FACED TERRIBLE BREATHING PROBLEMS AND SLOWLY HE LOST HIS SPEECH. HE COULD ONLY SHOW ACTIONS. NURSES STARTED RUNNING HELTER SKELTER AND OXYGEN CYLINDER WAS ROLLED IN, SOME INJECTIONS PUT. DAD’S TEMPERATURE RAISED AND HE WAS SHIVERING. WE COULD ONLY WATCH HELPLESSLY AND WEEP, NOTHING ELSE. DAD WAS ROLLED IN A STRETCHER BACK TO THE ICU. SOMEHOW I FELT HE VISITED US COMING OUT OF THE ICU AND SPEND SOME TIME WITH HIS WIFE, CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN.

WE WERE ONCE MORE BACK TO THE USUAL ROUTINE WAITING IN FRONT OF THE ICU, GETTING MEDICINES, FOOD FOR DAD AND SEEING JUST FIFTEEN MINUTES EVERYDAY.
NOW WHEN I THINK IT WAS ALL A HELL. AM LEFT WITH THE QUESTION, WHILST DAD WAITED AT HOME MONTHS BEFORE WAITING TO SPEAK TO ME AND WHILST I WAS BUSY WITH MY SCHEDULES ,GIVING HIM ONLY A SMILE AS I PASSED HIM, GOD WOULD HAVE DECIDED LET SHE NOW WAIT FOR HIM, NOT ABLE TO SEE HIM, SERVE HIM, FOR A CHANGE BEFORE HE LEAVES HER.


CHAPTER VII

DAD ONE DAY LANDED BACK TO THE ROOM. BUT HE LOOKED HEALTHIER AND HAPPY. DOCTOR HAD ALSO SAID HE WILL BE DISCHARGED HOME SOON. OF COURSE THE USUAL INJECTIONS AND MEDICINES CONTINUED. JAI WAS FORCED TO GO BACK AS HIS BUSINESS IN SINGAPORE NEEDED HIM URGENTLY. BINDU AND KIDS HAD LEFT FOR SINGAPORE A FEW DAYS BACK. THE DAY HE LEFT I COULD SEE THE AMOUNT OF TENSION, SADNESS AND A LOT OF MIXED FEELINGS HE WAS CARRYING WITH HIM. I FELT SAD AND HELPLESS. HE LEFT DAD WITH A FORCEFUL SMILE ON HIS FACE. DAD TOO BADE HIM GOODBYE. I DECIDED TO CONTINUE STAYING WITH DAD NOT BOTHERED ABOUT MY CAREER NOTHING. NOTHING MATTERED TO ME. MALLI WAS TENSED WITH HER YOUNGER SON WHOSE EXAMS STARTED NEXT MONTH. HE WAS IN THE TENTH. BUT BOTH OF US STOOD BY MOM AND DAD AND TRIED TO COMPENSATE FOR JAI WHO WAS FAR AWAY. WE GAVE DAD A NICE SHAVE AND A BATH. HE FELT RELIEVED TO AT LEAST GET A BATH. NOW HE WANTED TO GO HOME. WE MADE HIM WALK IN THE CORRIDOR OF THE HOSPITAL. I REMEMBER WITH WHAT ENTHUSIASM HE TOOK HIS STEPS AS IF TRYING TO PROVE ALL THAT HE IS FINE. HE HAD HIS USUAL FOOD AND HIS TABLETS WITH NO COMPLAIN. I KNEW HE WAS SUFFERING BADLY.BUT WAS SMILING TO KEEP ALL HAPPY.

WE AT LAST GOT THE PERMISSION FOR DOCTOR TO TAKE HOME DAD. THE HAPPIEST DAY IN MY LIFE. I PROMISED WITHIN MYSELF. “DAD FROM NOW I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. NOTHING MATTERS TO ME ANYMORE. BUT CARING FOR YOU. I WILL SOMEHOW GET A TRANSFER TO SOMEWHERE NEAR HOME AND BE WITH YOU AND MOM. WILL GO OUT FOR THOSE WALKS WITH YOU. WILL CARRY PURE WELL WATER FROM THE WELL TO UPSTAIRS. I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO DO THAT AGAIN. I WILL TALK A LOT TO YOU. I WILL ENCOURAGE YOU WITH YOUR NOVELS. WILL SEE FOOD IS READY IN TIME FOR YOU!!!!!”

WITH ALL THOSE DREAMS WE WERE BACK HOME. DAD LAY IN THE COT OUTSIDE THE HOUSE GAZING AT THE STARS A LOOK OF PEACE IN HIS FACE. MALLI AND MYSELF TOOK TURNS TO SIT NEAR HIM. DAD WAS RESTING A SLIGHT SMILE ON HIS FACE. I THANKED GOD FOR BRINGING BACK DAD HOME. I THANKED GOT FOR HAVING ALLOWED ME TO FEED HIM, BATHE HIM, DRESS HIM. I TOOK ALL CHANCES TO CARESS AND PRESS HIS FEET. MASSAGE HIS FOREHEAD TO PUT HIM TO SLEEP. HE JUST LOVED THAT. HE WAS LIKE A BABY TO ME. I CARED FOR HIM AS MY BABY AND HE ALLOWED ME TO LIKE A INNOCENT BABY.
THE HAPPINES DID NOT LAST LONG. DAD’S SUGAR LEVEL CAME DOWN THE NEXT DAY EVENING. HE WAS RESTLESS WAS WE WATCHED HELPLESS. HE STOPPED HAVING HIS MEDICINES. HIS FOOD. HE DID NOT WANT ANYONE NEAR HIM AND SLOWLY HE WAS A CHANGED PERSON WITHIN ONE DAY. AS IF HE HAD LOST HOPE IN EVERYTHING. ALL HAT ENTHUSIASM GONE. THE SMILE HAS DISAPPEARED.THE NEXT DAY WE LIFTED DAD DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE CAR TO TAKE HIM BACK TO THE HOSPITAL. THERE WERE NO PROTESTS NOTHING FROM HIM. AS IF HE HAS BEEN DEFEATED. WE KNEW HE IS GOING BACK TO THE ICU. DAD SAT IN THE FRONT SEAT WHICH WAS LEANED BACK WHILST IS FITTED MYSELF BEHIND HIM SUPPORTING HIM. AS WE DROVE TO THE HOSPITAL ALL SILENT AND TENSED DAD SLEPT TIRED AND HELPLESS. ON REACHING BACK TO THE HOSPITAL HE WAS BACK IN ICU.

ONE WEEK PASSED AWAY. BUT DAD WAS NOT RESPONDING TO THE MEDICINES. HE WAS NOT EATING. NO REACTIONS NOTHING. AS IF HE WAS FED UP. AS IF HE WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE. IN PEACE. FOR ME I THINK THE TRUTH OF DAD LEAVING ALL OF US HAS REGISTERED WITHIN ME. BUT UNWILLING TO ACCEPT. HOW CAN DAD GO? NOT LIKE THIS. I EXPECTED A HEART ATTACK. BUT LIKE THIS. WITH ALL THE SUFFERING?


CHAPTER IX

23RD OF FEBRUARY WAS THE DAY THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET. JAI WAS COMING TO SEE DAD. AS USUAL OUR DAY BEGAN IN FRONT OF THE ICU. I WAITED FOR THAT CALL TO GET DAD HIS CUP OF TEA. FULLY AWARE OF THE FACT THAT HE WAS NOT DRINKING THE SAME. TOWARDS THE LAST FEW DAYS I WAS ASKING THE CANTEEN STAFF TO PUT LITTLE SUGAR IN DAD’S TEA. LET HIM HAVE NICE TASTY TEA FOR SOME TIME.
BUT INSTEAD OF THE CALL FOR BRINGING TEA I WAS TOLD. DAD IS FINDING DIFFICULTY TO BREATHE AND SHOULD BE PUT IN VENTILATOR! I DIDN’T EXPECT THAT. ANOTHER TUBE DOWN HIS THROAT? THE PREVIOUS DAY HE HAD REMOVED THE TUBE FITTED FOR NASAL FEEDING. NOW FORCIBLY PUTTING A TUBE DOWN HIS THROAT AND MAKE HIM ARTIFICIALLY BREATHE?

I DECIDED WITHIN MYSELF. LET GO. LET GO OF DAD TO GOD. NO MORE SUFFERING FOR MY 83 YEAR OLD DAD. BUT I WAITED FOR THE REST TO DECIDE. DAD’S CONDITION WORSENED AND WE WERE ASKED TO GIVE HIM WATER. I WANTED JAI TO COME QUICKLY TO SEE DAD. I PRAYED HARD AND THERE HE STOOD WHEN I OPENED MY EYES. WE WENT TO SEE DAD AND JAI GAVE HIM WATER. WE WAITED OUTSIDE AND DAD LAY INSIDE WAITING FOR THE GOD OF DEATH TO TAKE HIM. AT 12 AM. ON THE 25 TH OF FEBRUARY HE WAS GONE. I COULD NOT EVEN CRY. MECHANICALLY WE LEFT THE HOSPITAL BY CAR BACK HOME. TO A HOME WHERE DAD WILL NOT BE WAITING OUTSIDE. TO A HOME WHICH WILL WITNESS DAD COMING BACK LIFELESS.

HE CAME BACK ONCE MORE. IN PEACE. NO PAIN. NO SUFFERING. YES HE IS GONE INTO OBLIVION NEVER TO COME BACK.

I WATCH THE STARS ABOVE SHINE AND IMAGINE DAD IS ONE AMONG THEM. THEN I FEEL THAT COMFORT. THAT HE IS NOT GONE. THOUGH PHYSICALLY. BUT NEVER HIS SOUL. I ONCE MORE LOOK UP TO THE DARK SKY AND WHISPER TO MYSELF

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
HOW I WONDER WHAT U ARE?
UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH
LIKE A DIAMOND IN THE SKY!!!!!!!

{/justify}