Assignment 2

Hello This is a review from Marcia~I'm Home :) after reading your story.

I have the following comments to offer:

Hello my name is Marcia. I am a student from the rockin review academy. I have been asked to review your story. I hope you don't mind.

First Impression:

I enjoyed reading your story. I had to read it a couple of times, but once I did understood the plot and how excited Arok was to be a part of this job.

Suggestions:

I suggest that you leave a space between each paragraph. I can see that you were excited when you were writing this piece. We all get that way at times. When I do it I make sure I go back and read over my work because when I am in a rush to write everything down. I tend to make many mistakes, so for my own good as well as my readers I make sure I go back over my work. My brain works a lot quicker then my hands do at times.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:

Here are spelling and grammar mistakes that I noticed.

1. spell the word you out. don't just use the letter u.
2 cud muster anyways spell cud could
3 there should not be an s on anyway. or with as much grace as I cud muster anyways
4 id should be I would or I'd

Punctuation

1 My attention was divided_ in unequal parts _ between all that and that little envelope in lady Noellas hands.
I believe here you should use the comma instead of the underscore. Like this

My attention was divided, in unequal parts, between all that and that little envelope in lady Noellas hands.

2 I noticed that you started quite a few sentences with the word but. It is my suggestion that your story will flow better if you use the comma instead of starting another sentence with the word but or maybe try to eliminate the but if you can in some cases.

Please be know that I am here only to make suggestions and help. Your story is yours to do with it what you like. I would be more then happy to come again and look over more of your work if you would like me too. Take care. Write On! May God Bless! Marcia

What I Like:

I like how excited Arok was about receiving his assignment. I also like the excitement I could feel that was coming from the writer.

Marcia~I'm Home :)

Discussion 2
I have had really good reviews and ones that have helped me make some changes so my writing looks and sounds better reviews. I don't want to call them bad because they weren't bad. They helped me to see what I needed to improve on. When I received my first 'bad' review it hurt my pride a little. I can't lie but, then I realized that my writing had to improve somehow. Why not let all these new friends I met help me? They have to be better at this then me right? after all I struggled with English in high school. It feels awesome when someone encourages your writing. It makes you want to write more but, the question is what if you are not writing it right? I know my dream is to someday have my life story published "Invalid Item"  but, if it is not written right what is the point? That is why we review with honesty and truth on writing.com. Marcia
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