monologue 1

im suppose to just play with my dolls and prance around in flowers. and ignore the neglect me and my brother have to take from my parents. im not stupid, neither is anyone else, everyone knows how skinny and sickly my brother and i are. my father is a sleeze, always had a different woman in the bedroom when my mother isnt home. she was no better though, there was always a man and a woman in the house, hardly ever was it my parents though. the odd time it is my mother and father, or Janice and Richard, they dont qualify as parents, all they do is fight. im not suppose to understand what i do, but when you spend your short 8 years exposed to these things, you learn pretty fast. ill admit there is things i dont fully understand, and thats why i feel bad for my brother. he cries a lot, i can hear him through the thin walls separating our rooms. hes twice my age, so hes seen twice as much as me. that thought scares me. what will i see by the time im 16? will i even have both my parents? then i have to ask, would i even care if something happened to them? i often wonder if we wouldnt be better off in foster care. the screaming is unbearable, it drives me crazy. all my toys are broken out of fustration. i hear my mother yell, and i snap the arm off my barbie, like i wish i could do to her. just shut them up for a minute. i broke my arm once, it ended up getting my father arrested. it happened at school, an accident, a fall off the slide, could of happned to anyone. they drove me to the hospital in an ambulance, i was there two nights because my parents wouldnt come get me. they didnt answer the calls from the school, or from the hospital, or even the police. i was gone for two days, and they never noticed. my brother on the other hand was worried sick, he eventually found where i was. the way it got my dad in trouble was a police man had to drive me home, because we live too far away to walk. he knocked on the door, no answer, so i reach up and turn the knob, unlocked as usual, all the keys are lost. when the door opens, a huge cloud of smoke billowed out. the officer coughed histerically, but i didnt, im used to it. im not sure what it was, some sort of drugs. i dont really know much about that, i didnt even know it was wrong until the officer handcuffed Richard and took him away in the same car he drove me home in. within an hour the house was full of police men and wemon, taking bags of different substances from our house. these were all things ive seen before, but thought noting of, i thought everyone had that in their house, i didnt think it was illegal, or harmful. i didnt know it was bad, i just know it makes you feel really weird. one night, my dad had a bunch of friends over and he called me into the room, he gave me these blue candies, or i thought they were candies. i didnt feel right for hours, and i felt terrible the next day. i just thought maybe i was allergic. why would you give something dangerous to your child? because he doesnt love me, he never has, he sees me and my brother as pets. he was probably happy when the police man took him away. the next few days were scary, as soon as the police left, so did my mom, and my brother. i didnt see my mom for a week, and my brother for a few days. he only came home because he knew i was hurt, i think hes the only one that even noticed my arm was broken. being alone a few days is how i learned to use the stove though. i also learned that i wasnt going to be seeing my dad for a long time. he only got home a few months ago, he was gone two years. janice didnt think that he was going to come home, i think she was hoping he never would. when he was gone, my mom had a baby, a little girl. i dont even know her name, i neevr even got to hold my baby sister, see her laugh, play with her, nothing. i never seen her once. i only know she was a girl because i found adoption papers on the kitchen table. i didnt know what adoption was, so i asked my brother. the hole he punched in the wall is still there. the govnerment owns our house, so nobody really cared to fix it. thats not the only damage our house has taken, for some reason were the only house on the street with no shutters on our windows. a boy on my school bus pointed that out one day, to everyone. i used a couple of the words i hear my parents say on him, and that shut him up, but got me in a lot of trouble when i was at school. i didnt think they were bad, my parents always yell them. none of the kids in my class really like me, i think theyre scared of me. i dont really like them much eaither. ill hear them complain about how they didnt get a new toy, or had to go to bed early. do you know what id do to even go to a store with my mom? how much i would love to have a bedtime. to just have someone care enough about me to make sure i get enough sleep? they dont understand what they have. im only 8, and i already know the world is a hard, messed up unfair place.