Living a Lie

I'm sure we all have had the thought once in a while about the futility of what we're doing.. to abandon it all..leave the old, boring, only too familiar self behind, and start afresh, begin anew. But how? And more importantly, do what differently?

There's a difference between these thoughts and wishful thinking. Here, you know that it's something within your grasp, you just have to do something right; as opposed to wishful thinking, which is usually too good to be true.
Here, you know your limits, and try to search for that perfect place within these confines.

This is usually the kind of thought process that ends with - “Whose life have I been living all these years? In the process of pleasing everyone by following convention, what have I done to myself?”
How are these 'everyones' qualified to judge what I do?

I just hope it isn't too late to change. I've thought about freedom often, but am still scared to break away. The rules of convention have instilled a deep fear within me, which has been growing all these years..it won't be easy to fight it. Where do I get the strength and means to get rid of trepidation? And even worse, how do I overcome the guilt that arises out of doing something that's so opposite to what I've been used to do?

Until then, and perhaps forever, here I am – living a lie!