Alone

As I walk down the pedestrian road, I am surrounded by a chaotic army of people, walking hurriedly in all directions as if fleeing from a surrounding enemy.  I walk steadily in a straight line, letting people avoid me as I go.  With every conscious step, I scan the crowd for familiar faces, for a sign of recognition, but wave after wave there is none.

I come to a series of benches which suddenly emerge to block my path.  For a second I stare at them in stillness, as I consider climbing on top of one and shouting as loud as I can.  Nothing more than an amusing thought, and as I start circling the benches I push it aside as inconspicuously as it emerged.

Somehow having people around makes me feel better, I feel less oppressed.  However, I can still feel the claw of solitude tight around my chest.  Hands in my pockets, my fingers scan through an assortment of hidden objects.  I can feel my phone which has dozens of saved numbers.  Dozens of numbers and no one to call.

I wonder how many people have I walked past and where they are all going.  As it is just after normal working business hours, I assume that they are rushing home to contemplate the faces of loved ones.  To bathe in each others comfort and laughter as they share tales of a rubbish day at work.

No one waits for me at home. 

There once was a loved one. I stop walking…  A loved one who was stolen from me.  I look around once more in search of someone…  Stolen.  I can feel my heart trying to jump out of my chest as crimson anger darkens my face…  Stolen.  I turn back and run towards the benches… Stolen.  I climb on top of a bench...  Stolen.  I shut my eyes as I shout at the top of my lungs…

…

I close the front door as I walk into my flat.  I lock it behind me and lean against the door as I stare into nothingness.  The lightswitch is just there, within my reach, but I let myself stand still in the dark. 

I am alone.  I was always alone, I just did not know it.