one, two

"wow, you look so much different" She says with a smile, I paint one on to match hers.

"yeah, just thought i needed a style change" I say with a slight laugh.

Style change? A lifestyle change. More than my hairstyle, my clothing, my music. I changed myself, to who, I'm still working on that part. I dont know who I am any more, I know that I'm not the same girl as two years ago, but I also know I'm not the same girl I was this time last year. I'm a totally new person. On the outside at least, I'm still trying to sort out what's going on inside. My face is made up, but my mind never seems to be.

It was a long run for a kid my age. Thats the problem, we were only kids. We didnt know what we were doing, or maybe he did, but I could never figure it out. It all happened so fast, but what I went through will change my life. I grew up so much from the time I was 13, to the time I was 16. More than just three years, some days it felt like thirty.

The thing about being involved with someone so deep at that age, is that you dont know what you're getting yourself into. You dont know the world yet, you havent learned to read people. and If you're anything like me, you're weak. But thats how you should be, venerable, you should still be able to run to your mom for help, a hug. But, theres some things mom just doesnt know, and probably never will.

I find her still there, smiling up at me. Sometimes I lose myself in moments like that. My train of thought goes on a track of its on.

"well, it was nice seeing you again!" She says, so fake. I just wave, turn, and walk away. Something thats been getting easier to do these days.

Chapter one


I look out my bedroom window, to be greeted by a thick white blanket, unlike the warm one hugging me in bed, this one is cold and unwelcoming. The sun reflects off, and I squint, close the blind and roll back over for another ten minutes. I figure if i dont blow dry my hair, I can have a few extra minutes of sleep.

That dream is cut short though. As usual, my early bird father walks in my room. Happy to tell me everything thats happened since he woke up at 5, Even the shortest story sounds like a novel when you're half awake.

"I checked the school website, looks like you still get to go!" He says as he opens my blinds. I burry myself deeper into my bed, and try my best to ignore him. Thats impossible though, i know its time for me to start the day. So i wake up, feeling as if im still in a dream, and start my morning routine.

I like to think that my outfits reflect who I am. Bright, colourful, loud and bubbly. Sometimes what i chose to wear might not be what you would call "fashionable" but oh well, I dont have anyone to impress. So off I go, bright young eyes painted with equally as bright eye shadow.







chapter 2

It started out perfect, Just like any puppy love teenage relationship should. He was all i could ask for, he made me laugh, he made me smile. We could stay up all night talking about nothing, and always have something left to say. We had the same taste in music, we were both a little different. Not what most people would find 'attractive'. But to me, he was the best looking guy i have ever seen.

light blond hair, swooping just above his eyes, a little longer than most girls would prefer. to me, it was perfect. He was slim, and tall, not built like a gym goer, because he wasnt. He stayed home, played guitar and video games. He wore dark clothes, black Old Navy jeans, and a black band shirt that you couldnt read, unless you knew who they were. Thats all he ever wore, besides boxers when he was sleeping, no matter what, he was always cute. Perfect in my eyes.

He made me feel the same. Like i was perfect, like I was the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen. That meant a lot to me, I have always had low self esteem. But he brought that up, made me feel like a prize, and shine like gold. I was his treasure, that he had been searching to find through his own dark days.

We met at school, he was a year older, and i liked that. My friends, and people that I didnt know too well all warned me about him, saying that he was on drugs, that he sold them. I never believed it. He was too much of a sweetheart to do anything like that, So, he smoked, but he promised he would quit, so there was no problems.

I admired him for a while,referring to him as "the cute blond' because i didnt know his name. One night, the curiosity got too much, and I had an idea, I grabbed my old school yearbook and started flipping through the pictures. I laugh, and stop for a minute when i pass my own picture. But I have a mission: to find his.

After scanning the pages of the book, I find it. Printed in black letters under that smiling face was printed "kyle walker" as fast as i read it, I grabbed my computer, I would add him on facebook, and maybe, some day, I might get the courage to message him. I type in his name, Praying that I wont see a "in a relationship" status on his profile. I click add as friend.

Almost instantly I have a notification saying that he accepted my friend request. I get giddy, probably a bit more than I should of.