A Dove in the Thicket

I push myself past the point of no return.
With hopes that you'll be there, waiting.
Turning me around, saying its okay.
I've lost my mind.
I've lost my love.
I've lost my way.
My breadcrumbs became ash.
And now, I can't find my way back.

I feel like we're meant to be.
I feel it in my gut.
My mind.
My soul.
My heart.
It's not an obsession.
It's not even a fantasy.
It's in the way you look at me.

But now, I'm hurt.
And I can't find you.
So I stumble on this path.
With twigs pulling at my hair.
Like cold, bony fingers.
No love in those touches.
No love in those moments.

With branches, strong as rock.
And twigs that swing at their ends.
Hitting me everywhere all at once.
Branches that pull and push.
That hurt and twist.
That bend just on the brink of break.
That leave invisible bruises only you can see.

With roots that reach out to grab me.
Like iron shackles.
They pull me down, and then it's all over.
Rocks, stones, like solid fists.
A place like this just shouldn't exists.

I'm still down, I just can't get up.
You get up, you get pushed back down.
But harder, and then you can't hide it.
So the stones like fists, and the rocks like feet, beat and kick at me.
The wind, like screams, in my ears.

All leaving invisible bruises.
That no one can see.
That no one can heal.
I stand, and dawn my mask again.
The painted on smile hiding the screams.

I know someday, you'll be there.
And I'll go to you.
You'll see the bruises.
You'll heal the pain.
But you won't love, you won't need.
Not like broken, sad me.

You live in the sun.
With family and loved ones. 
I live in the darkest shadows of night.
Where death walks, where pain stalks.
I need you, like air.
But someone beat me there.

I pray someday, you'll pull me into the sun.
And let it's warmth and your love fix me.
But you're already there.
With someone at your side.
I'm just a silly girl.
Who walks alone in the night.

Tears, that are never seen.
Fears, that always become.
Love, that is never returned.

No, I live in the darkest shadows of night.
Where death awaits my wrong turn.
And pain is giving me directions.