Fighting the Unkown

Fighting the Unknown

A personal reflection, my thoughts and feelings about my experience with depression.

Battling with depression
Hiding behind it using it as an excuse for failure and missed opportunities
The sadness and frustration but using it as a shield even though it hurts it can become a protector, in conversations and provide false reasoning or even a dangerous sense of comfort, to rationalize personal issues, failures and lack of personal growth and development.


Taking shelter in movies just to escape the painful task of looking at my own problems
They movies become a tool for avoidance instead of relaxation
They provide a brief period of solitude but not solution

Looking to blame and aggressively engaging people that have nurtured and loved you

Delving into the past searching for events, actions to dwell on and relive, seeking misery and regret

Must break the cycle
Today is a new day
Morning the loss of loved ones and been unpleased with the pieces of the past is normal but constant reliving those events especially ones that deep down are of little significance to your life today as you are here and have survived, soldiered on to the point at which you stand today.
So reminiscing about the past is a healthy past time with friends and loved ones but searching ones mind of hurtful memories and visions and thoughts of loved ones letting you down is cruel to yourself and more so to those around you.

Blaming the people closet to you begging for help but repeating volatile conversations in which loved ones are in a sense been tortured and guilt ridden for reasons unknown to them or ones they cannot change or even remember as significant

Pushing guilt and pain on to the very people that would willing take the pain away if humanly possible

Must break the cycle
Today is a new day
Take inventory of what’s good in your life and enjoy and appreciate the family and friends around you.
Develop personal goals and take pride in your accomplishments.
Keep moving forward creating good memories new meaningful relationships and strengthening the relationships that helped pull you from the grip of depression