Trapped

Have you ever felt down and didn't know why? That's how I feel when I get depressed. I feel trapped in sadness and don't know how to get out of it. That's how I feel right now. It seems like every stress in life makes me sad. For example simple things such as paying bills makes me depressed because I hate spending money I don't really have. I'm struggling a lot financially right now and want to keep what I do have coming in.

Being depressed is affecting my personal life as well. I have a wonderful finace who I love with all my heart. She makes me so happy but the last time we got together I wasn't myself. I was spacey and down, not talking much and being distracted with other things going through my mind. I felt so bad because she is the love of my life, my soul mate. But for some reason I could not get over being depressed.

As well as being depressed I have been dealing with anxiety attacks as well. I get a sharp pain in my chest and start shaking. It feels as if I am having a heart attack. I get so overwhelmed with work and my home life I just can't take it anymore.

My homelife is ridiculous. I share a house with my sister and nephew. Which is a joke because my sister and I don't get along at all. Even though I pay half the rent and pay my half of the bills I don't even feel it's partly my house. She has taken over everything. I'm stuck in my room with my wonderful cat, Cameron. I feel like I am paying for a room not the house. Doesn't seem fair does it? I can't wait till my lease is up in August.

Dealing with depression and anxiety is hard but I know it will make me stronger in the long run. But going through it is hard. I have to learn that in the long run things will all work out and live in the present. Focus on what's going on at the moment.