Insomnia

Insomnia


The sky never looks the same way twice, always the clouds, sun, moon and stars are moving. Like when someone walks past you, and they don't seem to be in taking the world around them because they're too focused on what they're doing. And you think to stop them and say something like "hi, I'm Freya" but in the few seconds it takes to consider it the more absurd it seems and than they walk away and the moment has gone. I know that one day I'm going to be dead and a few decades' years after that so will my memory, I should be exploring the world, learning, creating, but I can't. Everything moves except me. Lying here now, in bed, is when things really get bad. It seems during the day your mind is always taken up with the smallest segment of the world which you inhabit, and everything small that happens, like Jacob getting caught smoking behind the school gym with his stupid high school friends, seems like such a big thing and our bored nae minds feed on it. Than at night when you lie in bed by yourself everything is still, and reality sinks in that in fact nothing really matters at all.

In the morning I can still feel my dreams, even if I'm awake. They are with me all day. Sometimes I remember them so precisely and vividly in colour I could take up sheets and sheets of paper just describing a single object in my dream. And sometimes its just a feeling inside you, like something intense has happened to you and changed everything, even though nothing has changed at all and you can't actually figure out what it is, but its definitely there. Everyone says that the characters in your dreams are just images of people that you've seen, like someone on T.V that you don't really pay attention to or a substitute teacher who came in once in year 5, but they're wrong, I know that now.