ATTENTION

Is it so hard to get a little bit taste of ATTENTION? A single word worth a thousand feelings. Humongous profound thing that often denied by some people, yet others will die for it. Does anyone could resist anyone's solicitude for the right reason? Or even a brilliant argument?
I ain't a girl who seek for anyone's recognition, barely even try to be the eye-catching chick when I walked into the room. In the other hand, in life there's one person who will make you feel the hunger savour of being attentive. The one that made you believe that you were no good despite of the confident you constructed, how independent and brave you thought, and how much you put your faith on how nothing can conquer all obstacles you face. Well, I just met one.
A used to lovable man called an on and off again EX. And I'm being his former one since six months ago. Longest time for us being tear apart without a youth dating status; an astonishing number of how long I've been being a single struggler in the relationship holy book. I refused to mention myself as a fighter because there's a difference between the two of it. A struggler willing to do everything they could to stay in the line to get whatever they eager as goals. While just like a battle, a fighter got odds of winning and losing. And when they lose, they got nothing. Thus I don't wanna lose, especially for situation reason. CLICHE. I believe that there are no winning and losing, all you got is what God wants you to get or to be after all the prayers you spelled & efforts you pursued that certainly will fits and best for you. For the record this struggle phase has been ongoing for two and a half year, for the last half year I had to deal it by myself indeed.
Solitude is a bliss. That's what my mind told me to. But it seems like everybody's rushing me in this so-called cultural society that women normally start a family around my age. Twenty five and three month old, I don't count it as old. I couldn't refused that half of my friends are already put somebody's last name behind theirs, I just wondered is it my fault that I haven't doing that normal stuffs while the fact is simply because I haven't found a guy that would marry me like how much I desire to marry him? Is it so hard for people to accept that I've been struggling for so long in terms of marrying the right person or at least someone I really love?
Someone I really love doesn't even pay for any attention, furthermore he doesn't need mine. Yes, reality bites. I kept on striving for being seen by him, yet lately it started to feel like I am invisible to him. Its ike, I never exist and things never occur in both lifes. Do I finally feel exhausted? Wasted? Pointless? Purposeless? Frankly speaking, God. I need those feelings. I need to be my old me. Logic beyond the heart. Short saying, SANITY. Bittersweet of it, in any kind. And this never-ending drama thingy ends with a SIGH.
At some point, you just got to stop. When you eventually realised that perhaps when you love someone you can wrap him in your heart, but not in your life.