The Blanket

It was 1983 and my mother had just found out she had lung cancer. About the same time, we also found out that my baby sister, Carla, was pregnant with her second child – a bittersweet joy. Upon hearing the news and despite the fear of the unknown, my mother then set about the task, as she had lovingly done for all of her grandchildren, to crochet a baby blanket that would keep her future grandchild swaddled long after she was gone. After a laborious round of radiation treatments, a radical loss of weight, and five months into my sister’s pregnancy, my Mother begrudgingly conceded to the pain she had been suffering for several months and had to set aside the unfinished blanket just short of its completion.  She then called me to her side, put her arms around me and told me she was entrusting me to finish the blanket that she had started and make sure her gift was delivered when the new grandbaby was born. At that moment, I struggled with the emotional turmoil of losing my Mother as well as the thought of my finding the strength to finish for her this wonderful gift of love. Despite it all, I reassured my Mother not to worry and that her gift would be completed and presented when the time came.  A few weeks later, we shared a bittersweet Mother’s Day with her children and grandchildren all around her, most of them innocently oblivious to our family’s impending loss coming the following day.  Occasionally, she’d smile and wave when one of the children would call out to her “Nanny, watch me-watch me!” The day after Mother’s Day, with her children by her side and with some brief exchanges of love, she took a couple of long breaths and then she was gone.

Over the years, I've often taken the unfinished blanket from its hermetically-sealed package, only to catch the scent of my mother's essence.  I’d then become too overcome with emotions and grief, and would ultimately put the blanket gently back into its package, promising myself to try again soon to face the challenge of completing my Mother’s gift. Over the years, I've become a steadfast believer that all things happen when they're meant to happen and that it was now time for this treasured gift to be passed to its intended recipient.

So I joined a local Knitting Circle and shared the story of the blanket with my fellow members.  I knew by doing so, I would be compelled to finally complete the blanket that was started so many years before.  I have to admit that when I attached the final tassel to the blanket and threaded the ribbon around the edge of the blanket, I couldn’t resist placing the blanket around my own shoulders. At that moment, it felt like my mother's arms had suddenly enveloped me with her spirit and a wave of peace and accomplishment swept thru me.  My commitment was now complete and the relief felt good.

And so, in remembrance of my mother and on the occasion of my niece, Sarah Elizabeth’s 30th birthday, as well as my sister Carla's birthday, I was able to finally place my Mother's gift in the arms of her granddaughter that she never got to cradle in her arms but who remained in her thoughts to the end of her life. The moment my niece opened the box, it was magical. The room quickly filled with my mother’s favorite cologne – White Shoulders – and certainly a lot of mixed emotions. I took the blanket from my niece and lovingly placed it around her shoulders, gave her a big hug and said, “That’s from your Nanny - she’ll always be with you.”

In retrospect, while I enjoy a sense of accomplishment in finally finishing this gift for my beloved Mother, I also have a sense of longing in parting with such a precious connection to my Mother's tender touch. Though alas, I remind myself, I am merely the messenger for this labor of love and it was never meant to have taken this long to deliver. Now a new journey can begin and hopefully a new chapter in the life for my niece can be written.