drunken words

they say drunken words are sober thoughts.
i know this firsthand; i know it's the truth.
i know it's the truth from the way i immediately call you after downing six shots.
"i miss you," i say, "i wish you'd take me back."
and i know it's exactly what i wish i could say when i was in the right state of mind; when i was in control of my own body and actions.
but i can't, and i won't, because i'm selfish.
i don't want to have to bear the pain of hearing you say "please, stop calling. you're making it worst," when i actually understand your words and they're not just random spews of nonsense and gibberish.
so here i am, drunk out of my mind and wishing, hoping, praying that one day i'll be able to say all of this when it truly matters.
and maybe, just maybe, you'll say it back.