My Aunt is Bonkers

30th May

Dear Diary,

The crazy old bat somehow got her hands on the phone today, and called the police to report that I had “strangled Colonel Mustard in the dining room with a rope”. We promptly received a visit from the constable, who gave me a stern lecture for not watching my aunt carefully, and then threatened me with a heavy fine if I ever let her “waste the emergency services’ precious resources” with a prank call again.

I cannot understand how she still has such a wild imagination, when she can barely remember the day, time or date. Does she think she is still a movie star, and that we are acting out one of her scripts? If so, why does she always make me the antagonist?

Remember three days ago, when I went out to collect the groceries, she ran off to tell the neighbours that I had killed a man and was in the process of dismembering his body in the bathroom upstairs? Thank goodness I got back in time; otherwise we would have had the police round again. It is becoming apparent that I’ll have to watch her like a hawk at all times – and if I go out she must come with me. When I moved in with her last year I’d felt like a bird with its wings clipped – and now I’ll have even less freedom!

Sometimes, I wonder why I agreed to watch her. And then I remember that we are both alone in this world, and that she is my aunt after all. At least I still have you to talk to - you are the only thing that is keeping me sane!

But one day, diary, I will do her in – just like I did that horrid cat of hers…

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300 words
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