I Wish

#2

I Wish

I wish someone told me. No, I wish someone screamed it at me. I wish someone warned me about him.

What if it was different? What if I was told? What if I did know? How would it have turned out then?

What about him? What if he changed? What if he didn't break me? Why does this have too happen to me?

Why doesn't God take the pain away? Why does he leave a cloud around me? Why doesn't He lift the burden from my shoulders?

"Thou seest, the heavens as trouble with man's act, Threaten his bloody stage: by the clock 'tis day, And yet dark night strangles the travelling lamp."

It seems as if the only thing that understands me is art. It seems as if Shakespeare was made for me. It seems as if he wrote to me.

Happiness. I used to know what that word meant. Ask anyone, they would say I defined happiness. Now all I know is sadness.

"She was over me before the grass grew back where she used to park her car. She's leaving those same marks in someone else's yard. In someone else's arms right down the road."

Why is everything out to get me? Why does this line describe my situation so perfectly and why is it stuck in my head? I just want to forget!

Why can't I get over him? Why can he get over me so quickly? Did he actually love me or did he just lie to me?

Why can't I find any friends anymore? Why does everyone hate me? Does this world even need me? I feel like an annoyance... a burden... worthless.

I feel alone in this world. Even though there are people all around, people who care for me, people who love me, I still feel alone. And that is the worst feeling you can have.

A cloud, a darkness a void. I feel like I'm in a fog, and I can't get out. "I'm naked in the dark. And there is no veil between me and the wheel of fire."

Tear soaked pillow, and a dusty bedroom. My home for the months past. Immersed in memories that tear and rip off my flesh. There is no escape, not even when I try forget.

I'm wasting away, I haven't eaten in days. Would anyone care if I took my life here? Would the world change at all? Will it get better without me?

The more I try to forget, the less I do forget. I stop thinking about him for one second and then come back full force when I look over our old texts for the millionth time.

Tears are my friend, and enemy. They release the pressure inside, but add a new pressure, stronger than the first. Oh God! Why? Take it away please!

Does physical pain really relieve you from what is building up inside? Can something so painful also be so relieving?

It does. Tear soaked, blood soaked pillow, and a dusty bedroom. My home for the past months. Immersed in memories that destroy, memories that were once so precious.

Has everyone forgotten about me? How easy it would be to end this right now. And no one, no one, would bat an eye.

I wish someone told me. No, I wish someone screamed it at me. I wish someone warned me about this.

What if it was different? What if I was told? What if I did know? How would it have turned out then?

Could I have saved her? Could my daughter have lived? Why is she gone? Oh God Why? Bring her back please!

I wish someone told me. No, I wish someone screamed it at me. I wish someone warned me about this.

What if it was different? What if I was told? What if I did know? How would it have turned out then?

Where was I and why didn't I try? Why did I stay to myself in all my ignorance and forget about my best friend. The best friend I had. Had. Why is she gone? Oh God give her back!