The Day is Here.

So the day is here. The one where I promised I would start my “living healthy” routine. Not even going to mention how many times I have broken this promise for hundreds of different reasons that I came up with.
I don’t feel any different today. There is no surge of motivation flowing through me. Nope. I did not wake up all gung ho. It’s the same as all those other days I was supposed to do this. At least this time, I only promised myself so I don’t need to deal with the trainer’s nagging or my daughter’s look of disappointment. It makes the blow a lot easier without those two involved.
I have to admit, I do always wonder WHY I don’t just do it. Like the Nike ad.
I see everyone else doing it. And each time I think …wow, good for them. It is their time to enter the living, to shine and to feel good.
And then I try to examine why it’s not my time. I want to feel good. I certainly want to LOOK good. There are so many hot dresses in my closet still wearing tags. Because, I was going to do this. I was going to fit in them and look sexy.

I don’t ever come up with an actual reason, except I am just not in the mood to go to the gym. Not in the mood to lift weights, feel the stares of all those other people in the gym who already know how to use the machines. Their bodies are well on the way to fit or already so fit that you could bounce the ball off them.
It is not really fun to be exposed like that, to be so vulnerable. They can all see my pulse rate not soaring and my incline on the lowest setting. It just does not seem fair.
But when I look even closer I realize it is the getting myself up off my padded bottom to just go there that is the biggest obstacle. Honest, cross my heart it is. I am just never in the mood to.
And I have come up with excuses that I am sure you have never even heard. That is how many times I have been here. And each time I visualize myself thin wearing that red dress I like so much. I think of how it will feel to sit across from a nice guy and not have to worry about how big my arms look or if my stomach is bulging out.
And yet, it never gets me there. Even knowing I will look like that if I don’t go.
You really have to wonder, huh? I feel a lot closer this time than last. I even got my gym clothes out and ready and put the sneakers beside them. Looking over at the clock, I have another half hour. Hmm….let’s see.
.