A Knife, Sleeping Pills, and a Dog Bowl

With a Knife, Sleeping Pills, and a Dog Bowl
By Sharon Aguirre

Sadie hunched over the sink willing herself to throw up, but nothing would come. With each passing week of her pregnancy, her tolerance to vomiting increased. This was not a “good problem,” as her husband Jared had called it. The pain from the nausea stayed the same, but the relief of puking was gone. If only she could puke, she could return to putting her house in order and to making a special rib dinner for Jared. She was determined that this meal would happen. She wanted the satisfaction of seeing Jared’s expressive face as he chewed each piece of the meal like it contained the secrets of the universe. They would talk about their family over candlelight, but she would have to do something about that damned dog.

She turned the faucet off and heard the pitter-patter of Max’s paws followed by the unmistakable sound of meat hitting the ground. She turned around. The ribs were on the ground, and Max was running to his cage.

She ran after him, her fury increasing as he averted her grabs. When she got to him, he was in his kennel, growling as he shoveled her hard work down his throat. He bared his teeth as she reached into the cage. When her fingers were close enough to rip the meat from his mouth, he bit her, hard.

She made a decision quickly, so quickly that if Jared were watching, he might believe her when she said it was a knee-jerk reaction. It was not. Sadie lifted the sixty-pound German Shepard over her head and slammed him to the ground. What’s more, seeing that the little bastard had landed on his feet, she grabbed him by the collar, turned him on his side, and spanked him.

At first, the sound of her hand meeting his backside was the only sound that filled the room. She made adjustments to the force and speed of her blows, filling the room with Max’s whimpers and the angry beating of her hand. When she finally stopped, he lay still. She grabbed the stolen rib, eyeing Max with a stare that dared him to bite her again. He didn’t move. Secure in her display of dominance, she pulled Max from the floor and pushed him into the cage and closed the door.

She walked into the kitchen hoping to salvage the ribs. She inspected the side that had touched the ground. That little fucker was shedding again. He never ceased shedding. It looked like his hair had dug into the meat. Max whimpered in his cage.

“Shut the fuck up,” she yelled. He had no right to cry. She was the one that got bit... again. It was her house, and she had to feel unsafe in it. Worse still, she never wanted him. She only agreed to it because Jared promised he would take care of him and train him. He hadn’t. He didn’t walk him, train him, or anything. Jared had even mastered entering and exiting the house without attracting Max’s attention. He simply liked the idea of having a dog.

What about the baby? In six months, would Jared be the father he promised? What about Max? She let her mind wander to an imagined future. There she changed the baby’s diaper in an all pink nursery room. The infant looked up at Sadie and giggled as she pulled faces. There was a feeling of joy and love in the air as Sadie stared into the babies eyes, trying to learn the secret of happiness which the baby radiated effortlessly. She turned to grab some baby wipes and heard a loud smack followed by the savage cries of the baby. She turned to find her baby on the ground missing a leg and Max running out of the room, leaving a trail of blood behind him.

She tried to shake the morbid image from her mind but as she picked up the meat and walked toward the garbage can the thoughts lingered. Worse, she noticed things that she had long ago told herself to forget - the chewed up coffee table leg, the crack in the corner of the TV screen, the torn fabric on the back of the loveseat. Her arms and hands had thin scratches just from him jumping on her. Max had been a terror his entire life. She knew that if she walked into other rooms in the house, she would see more signs of his destructive power. She wanted to get rid of the damn dog. No, she was determined. She was getting rid of that dog today - Jared be damned. Her home would come together if only she could take him to a shelter. But no, she thought, that won’t do. Jared might not sincerely care about the dog, but he would cross city lines to find him. Jared never gave up on anyone - not even if you bit him, slapped him, or fucked his best friend. Okay, she reasoned, he would leave me if I fucked his best friend, but there is no dog equivalent to adultery.

Her determination went away as quickly as it came. For as long as the dog lived, which likely would be another ten years, he would be apart of her life. So when the baby came, she would have to keep them apart. There would be a perimeter around the baby that Max would have to stay without and Sadie would guard it vigilantly - day in and day out. A troubling realization came to her as she stood over the garbage can. Jared would never see the importance of keeping Max away. If she weren’t home to look after the baby, Jared would put too much trust in that little bastard, and their baby would die a gruesome death.

There is only one way to ensure that Max would never hurt my baby. The thought came to her without permission. And though the thought had sounded as if it came from her voice, instinctively she knew it hadn’t. The force behind the thought was stronger and braver - like a momma bear - no a momma tiger. How far must a female go to protect her family? To the end of the earth.

She let the meat fall from her fingers into the garbage can. She wasn’t aware that she had been gripping them so tightly until she felt the relief of letting them go. Her hands were covered and oil and dog hair.

She left the kitchen. Her footsteps were heavy. The dog bowl rattled on the counter as she moved through the first floor of the house. Max inched forward to the edge of his cage when Sadie reached the second floor. He followed the thunderous sounds of her feet as she moved from room to room.

She returned to the kitchen, emptied a bottle of sleeping pills and then made Max a bowl of food. Using the hilt of a chef’s knife, she smashed the pills into powder and poured it on top of Max's dish. The pills were still a bit chunky, but that didn’t matter. Max would eat anything.

She walked to the living room and let Max out of his cage. The door rattled as he burst through. She followed behind him, not caring if he jumped on the counter and pulled down his bowl before she got there. But when she got to the kitchen, he was sitting patiently by the counter. He wagged his tail as she walked toward him. When she grasped the bowl in her hands, he inched closer and rested his weight on her.

A pang deep in her belly arrested her. She closed her eyes and breathed deep, loud breaths. If she did this, that would be it. She would never know what their relationship could’ve been. Though she never wanted a dog, when she finally relented to Jared, she had hopes that she and Max would be close. She fantasized about peaceful walks, playing catch at the park, and cuddling up on the couch. Instead, she got a dog that pulled her down the street, ran off if you dared take his leash off, and was such a pest she didn’t want to share a couch with him. Could things be different? No, said the tigress in her head. Protect the young. Secure your line. It’s the dog or the baby. With that, her mind was made up. She was not doing this out of spite but out of love. It would be difficult but she would get through this. She’d stroke his ears as he went to his eternal sleep, and then put him in his cage so that Jared would think that he died in his sleep. Everything would be fine.

She opened her eyes and gasped. A shudder went through her body. Jared was standing on the opposite side of the counter, his eyes darting back and forth between the dog bowl, the emptied sleeping pills container, and the knife. He looked into her eyes and it seemed that the power of his stare impeded her from going inward and finding a reasonable explanation. There was so much in his stare - I can’t believe you’re doing this and who the fuck did I marry? She didn’t know what was worse - that he thought her capable of killing Max or that this would change his love for her forever.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he said, spittle clinging to the side of his mouth. Seconds ticked by and words didn’t come to her. The tigress within her was silent. Every possible reply only seemed to push her into a corner. She opened her mouth and words fell out.

“What you couldn’t. Like I always do.”

“What?” he said, his face contorting with confusion. This gave her a blessed reprieve from his stare and a chance to strike.

“It would take him killing our child for you to finally see--,” as the words fell from her lips his stare returned.

“You can’t punish him for something he hasn’t done. What kind of shit are you on? Is this why you took the week off?”

“But you know he will do it. How many peaceful days will we have in this house before we wake up to hear our babies last cry,” she felt the tears coming. Jared eyed her belly then gave her a disgusted look. Before she had time to register what was happening, he was out of the kitchen and at the base of the staircase. She followed him.

“I’m taking Max to my brother’s house, and I’m going to spend a few nights there.” He grabbed clothes and tucked them in his arms as he walked around the master bedroom. She watched him, unable to come up with words to say. “What if our son disappoints you,” he continued, “are you going to kill him?” She despised his tendency to call the baby a boy when she wasn’t far along enough for them to know.

“Don’t you act like it’s the same. I would do anything to protect my son or daughter and you! That’s how much I love you all.”

“That’s not love. Love is unconditional. You would give up on them. You give up on everyone.”

Their heads snap toward the bedroom door to the sound of a crash on the first floor. Realization spread through Jared’s face. He dropped his clothes and ran down the stairs. Sadie followed, thinking she could keep up, but he was moving inhumanly fast. When she reached the stairwell, he was leaping over the rail and charging into the kitchen. When she finally reached the first floor, she was panting.
Max stood by the counter, his bowl between his front paws. There was little food left. The area surrounding his bowl was covered in white powder. He eyed Jared, his teeth bared and ears pinned. Jared lunged forward, aiming for Max’s bowl but Max bit him, hard. Blood pooled around the bite. Jared reached again but flinched away as Max snapped at him. The flinch gave Max time. He devoured the remaining bits of food.

Sadie stared at the floor tile in front of Jared, afraid that if he looked into her eyes, he would see pure joy there. This is what Jared needed to see. She walked into the kitchen and made a show of not stepping into Max’s bubble. She wet a towel then brought it onto Jared’s hand.

He snatched the towel from her. “This is your fault. We need to get him to a hospital.”

“I did not make him bite you. I certainly didn’t make him bite you all of the other times. This is who he is.”

“I don’t have time for this. I’ll take him to the vet myself.” He walked toward the front closet. He came back with a leash. He walked toward Max, and Max showed him his teeth.

“I just can’t stop thinking what if he does that to an infant,” her words crack toward the end. “We’re adults, and we get bitten on a weekly basis. We bought this home, and I don’t feel safe in it.”

“We just have to be careful around his bowl.”

“No,” she covered her eyes with her hands in frustration. “It’s not just his bowl, it’s all food, and babies have to eat. What can an infant do to protect him or herself from Max?”

“We can just keep them separate.”

“How long before Max finds a way to circumvent us?”

Jared threw his hands in the air. “You make it seem like he’s some mastermind. He just can’t help himself.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” To this, his expression became less hardened. She could sense her words getting through to him.
Many moments went by. Max laid on his hip and rested his head between his front paws. No one went near hear. Sadie was afraid to say anything because it appeared that she would get her way by default. Jared wasn’t fighting her.

Max abruptly stood to his feet. His chest moved up and down as he puked up the food. In that instant, Jared was on him, snapping the leash on his collar, and gently guiding him away from his puke. Without a word, he left the kitchen and led Max up the stairs.

She felt in the pit of her stomach that Jared would leave her for good. She groaned as the pain brought her to her knees. She grabbed her flat belly. The only leverage she had was the baby. Let him see me like this. He can’t leave the mother of his child in pain.

She rested her back against the wall and watched the stairwell. He didn’t come down right away. She could hear him pacing the floor, making phone calls, and periodically reprimanding Max for putting things in his mouth that didn’t belong.

Finally, Jared walked down the stairs and walked pass Sadie, paying no mind to her pained expression. He carried a bag. All hope was lost. I will watch him walk out with dignity. I will not say a word to him, she commanded herself. Then she pushed air through her teeth.

“I just know that if we keep him, something bad will happen,” Sadie warned. “I took things too far. I know that. We can just take him to a shelter.”

“I’m taking Max to my brother’s house. You don’t have to worry about him. We are not going to keep him.”

“So he’s staying at your brother’s house for good.” It took Jared a while to answer, too long. She had time to recall that it was a yes or no question before he finally spoke.

“He’s staying there for good,” he said, taking his eyes off her. He was lying. Max would be back. This was just a distraction. She considered calling him out on the lie but thought better of it. It could wait. This gives us time. Time to see how a life without Max could be.

She stood up and felt a wave of dizziness. “I’ll pack Max’s food.” As she moved forward, she felt wet stickiness gathering between her thighs.

“God, Sadie,” Jared called as he rushed passed her to the spot on the floor that she had been sitting. She turned and saw the blood. She had no words. She could only feel panic. She distinctly felt that she was no longer pregnant. The last time she had felt nauseous was right before Max stole the rib dinner. Sadie leaned against the wall, sliding to the ground. Jared caught her and put her arm over his shoulder.
My baby is dead.

Jared brought her out of the front door.

Max.

Jared turned to lock the door, and she realized with dread that they were leaving Max inside. Max would be there when she returned. As Jared swung the door closed, she watched Max walk toward the bloody spot on the ground and sniff.

The End