My Name Is Nicky

Nicky's heart slammed into her chest as she rushed around her tiny apartment in the balmy town of Marathon, Florida. "I can't be late." Nicky spoke breathlessly to her scrappy dog Ace who lounged on her pillow. His eyes moving back and forth across the cluttered room as she frantically grabbed her supplies for her job cleaning condominiums that only the super wealthy can afford down there.

Nicky, a petite attractive 52 year old woman stopped for a minute to catch her breath while cooling off in front of the fan that sluggishly panned over her sweat soaked face. She pulled herself away and headed out the door a broad smile covering her face thinking to herself I would rather be sweating my ass off then stuck in Michigan, her home town, wearing layer upon layer of clothing just to stay warm.

Across the parking lot she could see that her 28 year old son Corey had not left for his job yet. Corey lived next door to her in another concrete box. As Nicky drew nearer to his truck she could see Corey through the window except he wasn't sitting behind the wheel. His body looked as if it were draped over it. "Corey!" she screamed as she ran towards the truck. She jerked the door open and a metal scorched spoon fell to the ground. The ting rang through the gentle gulf breeze.

Corey's tan belt, a gift from Nicky, was wrapped tightly around his arm. Nicky grabbed it and tore it off while shaking him with a terrified force yelling his name as his body slid onto the passenger seat unresponsive.

The paramedics, two of them, asked her what Corey was on. Nicky tried to explain the he told her he quit. He got a job. Her heart knew better. "What's he on?" they asked again firmly. "Pills." Nicky said quietly. "He's on pills. Okay." Tears cascaded down her swollen cheeks.

The paramedics administered Narcan through an IV they placed in Corey's foot as they were unable to find a vein anywhere else. Corey woke confused his eyes suddenly sprang open filled with fear. After he had gained his bearings his face contorted into a grimace while he moaned, "What did you do Mom? Why did you call them again?" Nicky tried to explain in a calm voice how she found him. That she thought he was dead. Agitated now Corey's voice elevated as he spoke to his mom. "You crazy bitch. I wasn't dead. I nodded that's all. You have to stay out of my life."

A young police officer who had arrived with the paramedics said to Corey, "Son calm down your mother did the right thing. Somebody would've found you eventually and who knows they may have done nothing then where would you be?" The officer continued speaking to Corey firmly, "Now listen to me you have two choices. I can take you to rehab or I can charge you and take you to jail."

Corey looked defiantly at his mother, "Take me to jail. See what you did mom this is all your fault." Nicky's chest rose and fell with intense force as tears once again rolled down her cheeks. She watched helplessly as the police car pulled away. Her only child slumped in the backseat locked in handcuffs.

Nicky glanced around and saw her cleaning supplies scattered to the ground. With the neighbors gawking she began the arduous task of organizing them neatly in the bucket that normally held them.

Emotionless Nicky entered Corey's apartment. The set-up exactly as hers. A double bed against one chipped concrete wall painted beige. A small couch with a TV and small coffee table spread against the opposite wall. A small kitchenette next to it with a small bathroom off to the right side of the kitchenette.

Nicky grabbed her cleaning stuff and mindlessly began scrubbing the walls. As she was working she noticed that spread across the coffee table lay small baggies filled with white powder and a small mirror covered with it. Nicky knew exactly what it was. She picked up the drugs taking them to the bathroom watching baggie after baggie swirl away. Remembering Corey had a small wooden box that she bought him while on vacation in Orlando she knew it now contained his secrets.

Nicky dumped his stash on the table. Not much there but what was swirled away with the rest. His works she shoved in a paper bag and placed in her cleaning bucket.

She glanced around the room grabbed her bucket, locked up and headed to her own place. Nicky remembered the paperbag and make a beeline to the dumpster. She stuffed the bag deep into the depth of the trash filled box.

Once inside the safety of her own home the tears cascaded once again. Random thoughts bombarded her. She wondered why this was happening again. Not again she thought still. She knew now that Corey never stopped using like he promised her four short weeks ago. He just got better at hiding it she knew. He probably didn't even have a job Nicky thought. Now this.

She can picture Corey sitting in a filthy jail cell because the fear of withdrawing is to much for him. He knows she'll bail him out once again. "Maybe I'll let him sit." she says to Ace who just looks at her with wide eyes in anticipation of food. Jumping slightly at the sound of her ring tone Nicky knew who it would be. Her hand shook as she reached for her phone. Corey then when about pleading for her to bail him out. Her voice cracked as she told him yes she would be there shortly. There goes the rent money Nicky said to Ace as she walked out the door.

Corey was AWOL for the next five days. Nicky wasn't surprised. At least this time she didn't give him any money when he asked her if she would float him a loan. Usually she would've handed it over but this time she answered with a firm 'no'. She wasn't going to sit around and wait for him. Life went on and she had responsibilities.

Nicky found herself covered with perspiration vigorously scrubbed the bathtub of one of the condo's she cleaned. "This has to stop." she said no one listening except the wind that carried her words out through the window.

Relaxing at home with her feet up heard the door swing open to see Corey standing there a smile plastered to his face. "Hi mom where have you been? I've been looking for you for over an hour."

"Working." Nicky spoke between pursed lips. "Something you know nothing about. I see you lost another job if you even had one in the first place."

"Hello to you to mom. I'll get another job." Corey answered defiantly his body on high alert.

"Corey I'm done. I won't do THIS anymore. I'm done supporting you and your drug habit. I know that's where the money I 'float' you goes. I won't pay for your apartment anymore. This is on you. I'll support you if you go into rehab today. I'll bring you." Nicky's voice resonated across the room forcefully.

"I'm outta here. THIS is all your fault anyways. I'm sick of the nagging 24/7. Now this. What's up with you. See ya." Corey bellowed as the door crashed behind him.

Nicky stood there feet frozen to the carpet. Her mouth stuck open with a repulsed upturn. Her chest heaved as unshed tears swelled in her deer struck eyes. Her legs gave out as her body crumbled to the grungy orange-green carpet. There she lay until she heard the knock on her door. It appeared that the mailman had a certified letter for her. One that must be signed. What now Nicky thought. The letter was from the judge who arraigned Corey. The letter informed her that due to Corey missing his court day 3 days earlier her bond was forfeited and there was an arrest warrant issued for Corey. Her hands shook as she balled the letter up firmly between her fingers.

Several hours later as Nicky sat in her favorite chair contemplating her life. Wondering where she had gone wrong with Corey. With herself. A sudden firm crash jolted Nicky out of her daze. It came from next door. It was Corey's apartment. Nicky put her ear close to the wall and she could hear him as he moaned and puked. She knew from past experience with him that now was not the time to call him out. Mom mode set in as she knocked on his door with hesitation. She slowly opened the door.

Corey lay in the center of his bed under a mountain of blankets even though the temperature had risen to 98 humid degrees. Nicky moved quietly to the tiny kitchenette and poured him a glass of water. She knew what the next several days would bring. She also knew she would not leave his side during this hell hole he was headed down.

"What do you want mom? I can't do this with you right now." Corey whispered.

"Hun I'm here for you. Let's get through this together. Then we'll talk." Nicky replied.

She never left his side. She lay beside him with her arms around him as body shook violently. She turned the fan to him as in the next hour sweat poured out. After three days with Corey's body no longer his enemy moved slowly around his room. His mind became the next battle to conquer.

"Mom, I'm sorry for everything. I feel like such a loser. I don't know what to do."

"You know the worst part is over. The rest is up to you." Nicky firmly stated.
"I'll be fine now. I don't need anything else. God mom you think you know about this. Well you don't know anything."

"Corey you need counseling. This is far from over. I told you I'm done. Either you get help or your out. You missed court. I lost all that money that I can't afford to lose. You're 28 years old. Grow up damn it. The rest is on you." Nicky yelled as she stormed out the door slamming it behind her.

"Whatever. I've got this." Nicky heard him say as he walked to his truck.

A storm of thoughts crashed inside her already throbbing skull as her shaking hands meticuously placed his life inside the four banana boxes she picked up that morning. She didn't know where Corey went and after two days of pacing she didn't care. She did what whe should've done months ago. Maybe years ago Nicky thought. The full boxes she placed into storage and returned the keys to the landlord.

Later that week as she sat on the beach enjoying the sunset she received the phone call she knew would come. Corey on the other end voice soft, full of apologies and stories she heard many times before asked her to bail him out again. He had been arrested for his outstanding warrant and another possession charge. Nicky knew the judge would not issue him a bond but she listened as in a gentle voice told him she loved him and that she would come to visit him after his arraignment for the new charge but had been in the middle of something saying goodnight as she hung up the phone.