Train of Thought

Train of Thought

         It had been a year since she had seen her family. She was on a train on her way to visit her family with her husband. It had been a year since she had married her husband and those newlywed thoughts had first occurred, which, soon after they occurred, slowly began to cause her mind to deteriorate. She tried not to think about it. The stress causing questions of where they should live now that he lost his job, or how many children they would or would not be able to have in the future depending on their financial situation. Job. Children. Money. She tried to push those thoughts from her mind. They only caused her to worry, and people shouldn't worry about the future. Worrying is bad for one's health.
         Why should it matter? It's not like she would live forever. Her husband who was sitting across from her reached out and held her hand, slowly intertwining his fingers between hers. She gave him a slight smile as she stared into his pale blue eyes that were surrounded by his mahogany framed reading glasses. He returned the smile, placed his hand that was holding hers back onto his lap, and went back to reading his newspaper. She knew things would get better. She was going home. She stared out the window of the train, gently pressing her forehead against the cool glass, and reflected on her dilapidated surroundings. The fields and rolling hills that were once covered in sunflowers had been destroyed by a tornado a week ago during the time of the last storm. The rain hammered against the window like screaming dogs, and the wind howled furiously.
She continued to stare outside, when she noticed a blackbird resting on the crusty remains of a branch from a fallen tree. She remembered the first time she had ever seen a blackbird. On that day it had also been raining and a thick, heavy fog coated the air. She smiled at the memory of her and her sisters laughing as they took turns jumping in all the puddles they found on the blacktop of the playground near their house. She wondered if she would ever be able to return to a time like that in her life. Every day this past year in her bedroom, she would daydream about a paradise where she could go to escape. It was a sunny island in the clouds where there was no place for the worries of everyday life. The place had allowed her time to think as she had the freedom to explore the beauty of life around her without having to go beyond the four corners of her room. Thinking back to that place, that paradise, she closed her eyes and listened to each raindrop as it hit the window. Each raindrop had its own sound, which soon created a soothing lullaby. She slowly closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift off to sleep. Soon she would be returning to paradise, but this time it would not be her island in the clouds. This time it would be to a place she had once called home in her youth. And things would get better. Eventually, the rain would stop.