This is the time frame between meeting Tom and marriage. |
When I met Tom I was still pretty much hard headed. Change didn't come overnight. I had been considering things I never mentioned from seeing how my friend Cindy. As I said in another story, Cindy was a girly girl. She was one of the traditional type girls from being raised around so many of the old fashioned religious types. You know, the long hair and dresses type of girl. I would stop by Cindy's after work when I wasn't too tired. We would watch television or sit and talk; mainly things we had in common. I always did notice how delicate she seemed. So feminine, like girls you see in a movie. Oh, not new movies, but them old movies. You know, where they wear the long Victorian dresses and hold them up to walk up and down stairs, and have that feminine way of standing with their hands in their lap. That was Cindy. People laughed at her behind her back. Some made jokes about her and called her names like Scarlet O Hara and such. Some of the girls made gone with the wind remarks. They always ended with "Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a damn." There were times Cindy came around a corner and heard them. The girls just got quiet and changed the subject. I told Cindy about it. She merely said she didn't care. That impressed me. There were times I wished I had the guts to dress lovely like Cindy. Most of the time I was just happy being me. You know, nobody tells me what to do. Cindy was and is my best friend. She was my Maid Of Honor at my wedding. I remember after meeting Tom we met a few times at Cindy's house. Then we met at my place. Cindy, Tom and I were close friends. It seemed after Tom knew I was interested in him he started clamping down on me. He started out as I described. We joked around and teased each other. I had a mixture of emotions going on. I was tired from working and cleaning house and doing the laundry and yet I wanted to spend time with Cindy and Tom. In Tom's presence I was in a bind between being my butch self and being the girl he was leading me to be. He gave the hints. "Isn't Cindy wearing a nice dress tonight?" I would kind of just say yes and change the subject. I fought girly things Cindy liked, like Dracula avoids a cross. I'll never forget how my birthday came and we met at Cindy's place. She wanted to throw me a party. I was dead tired but accepted since she went through so much trouble. She's such a sweetheart. I showed up and soon afterwards Tom came over. Tom had been hinting about me becoming more feminine and I wasn't playing along; but neither was I ruling it out. Something was stirring in me. I admired Cindy and the stand she took. In her own way she was showing more strength than me, in a backwards kind of way. We were talking and eating cake and ice cream and having a good time. We loved each other's company so much. Tom brought out this small box and handed it to me. I accepted it and thanked him. When I opened it I found a small lady's watch inside. It was like the ones women wore years ago. It was the opposite of the large man's unisex type watch I wore then. As I said, Tom was just so masculine I melted when he touched me. I wanted him so bad, and yet I was so afraid to yield to what I knew he wanted me to be; what he and Cindy both wanted me to be for that matter. He took my hand and I was powerless to stop him. Before I met him I would have told any man to get his hands off me. Tom removed my old watch and placed this beautiful watch on my wrist. I hated feminine things and yet I loved this watch. I was experiencing feelings I had never felt before. Tom looked me in the eye. My heart about stopped. "Look, I want you in feminine things from now on. I'm not dating a guy. If you want to stay with me the tomboy stuff ends here and now." I didn't know what to say. I was a grown woman in charge of her life. Nobody told me what to do. Yet I wanted him. I wanted his control over my life. As strange as it sounds, I wanted to be free of choice; free of being able to offend or hurt him. "Yes, Tom." I thought Cindy would choke on her Pepsi. That was probably the last thing she thought she would hear me say. I couldn't help it though. He had a masculinity which couldn't be denied. Cindy had a femininity which couldn't be denied. I had neither. I felt like a mix of fake masculinity trying to hide a fake woman. A fake femininity only used when it profited me. That was living a lie. Tom opened another box. This time I was scared. Not because I was afraid Tom would hurt me, but of what he removed from the box. The paddle was solid oak. It had holes in it. It had my name on the handle. I held out my trembling hand to touch it. The paddle was smooth and firmly held in Tom's hand. "I, I, just have to touch it; to feel it." I shuddered as mental pictures went through my mind of things I saw on television and in movies. I remembered sick and kinky stuff I saw which I considered sexist and evil. Yet, this man who held this paddle didn't seem evil or sick. He seemed as though he truly loved me. "I have chosen tonight to give you your first spanking. If you stay with me it will be the first of many. You see, I won't have a girl who dresses like a boy or shows the slightest disrespect. The girl I date and one day marry will be an old fashioned girl. She'll be feminine, wear dresses and be subject to my will in all things. If you stay with me this paddle will probably set your bottom on fire as you are trained to be the type of lady which is missing in the world now of days. The more you submit the less it will be used. In time it may not be used at all." I didn't know what to say. Part of me wanted to tell him to get lost. Part of me wanted to submit. I looked over at Cindy. She merely smiled and nodded. She knew what I needed. The only one who didn't know what I needed was me. "If you are ready, we can get your birthday spanking over with so you know what to expect if you choose to stay with me." I stood up and started to unbuckle my belt. "No, across my lap with your pants on. Once we are dating you'll never wear pants again. From them on it's skirts and dresses. For now the jeans won't hinder what I plan." I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. The ways he said that. He just insinuated the denim wouldn't hinder the pain he was about to unleash on my bottom. It was embarrassing but I laid across his lap. I wish I could say he went easy on me because of it being my birthday. That would be a lie. I squirmed and moaned and cried, but I knew I needed it; I needed him. I needed the guidance and discipline he would give. It was something I never received as a child. When it was over I thanked him for loving me more than my parents and sat next to him. He immediately snuggled me to his side. Cindy handed me a box. When I opened it I removed an old fashioned dress and petticoat like she wore. They both knew that I wouldn't leave. Who knows, maybe I was showing hidden signs of wanting Tom to control me since we met. "So you guys knew?" "Sweetie, I knew from the night you met Tom." I looked over at him. He was just smiling. He leaned over and kissed me as he whispered in my ear, "I've known since that night too. I bought the watch and made the paddle that week. I love you." |