Sometimes Life Gets Difficult

Fusing 12 bones in his spine caused Doug to lose 100 pounds, now he sits sits on his coccyx thinking . . . damn it . . . hurt . . . tailbone . . . The doughnut cushion didn't help, the coccyx cushion didn’t help: Nothing helped! He hurt sitting, by the Christmas tree watching the snow and looking at his present thinking, “I HATE THIS SHIT! Damned back. Fu—“

“Hi, sweetheart, why are you in here alone, everyone’s in the living room. Come Wassail with us so we get good apples again next year.”

“Did that brat son of mine spike it again this year?”

“No, Doug, he said he wouldn’t. He might have infused it with Cannabis though.”

“Good, that helps with the pain, but Tracy may Wassail the hell out of him if she finds out. I hope he survives, I love him. He’s still a brat though.”

“Our youngest, a 43 year old brat? Come, I’ll bring the cushion.” Thank

“Damn things useless. That’s why I’m in here, I don’t want to share this misery. No one wants to hear an old fart complain about all the shit that’s gone wrong with him. I still hurt, but the pains gone down a bit after a couple of tokes.”

“Did you go outside?”

“I don’t smoke in Tracy’s house. She hates that I even smoke pot and I still value my life. Such as it is.”

“Give me a break, everyone dotes on you. Good plan with the weed, she does get pissed and I still like sleeping next to you. I don’t want to have to break a new body warmer in”

“I’ll get you an electric blanket. What I really wanted for Christmas was a new spine, but, Noooooooo one thought of that. I stand like a crippled question mark. They’d love me in Japan, a constant bow to everyone. We should move there.”

“Every one of us thought of it and, no.”

“I know, sweetheart. I love you, Gail, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. All six of those bratty kids we have too and, how many—?”

“Seventeen.”

“...seventeen grands and a few greats.”

“Six greats so far and every one of them love you too.”

“I wish I could hug them again, like I used to. Now the kids have to lean down to hug me. It’s demeaning.”

“Only to you. No one else thinks it.”

“I do know that, but their reactions when I make up all that shit to complain about is hilarious.”

“You’re shameless.”

“Yup! And they love it. How many Christmas’ is this for us? Seems like 48 to me.”

“Let’s see ... hmmm ... actually it’s 49. We moved in together in mid 70 and got married July of 72. Married its 47, but I count those first two also. Next year is our Golden Christmas, we should celebrate.”

“I wonder if that motel we stayed at in Carmel for our honeymoon is still there. I’ll look. How’d you like to revisit there and have wild, raucous sex like we did 50 years ago?”

“Idiot! I’d love it, but we’ll have to get stunt doubles for the sex part. Well, you will for sure, I think I could manage it.”

“So, you want a stand in for my sex parts? Got one picked out?”

“There are a few I would have to work very hard to telling no.”

“Ohh? A few? How many and who?”

“I’m only interested in you, Doug, the others are fantasy’s, just like yours.”

“Mine? What’re you talking about?”

“Women chase you across the parking lot to talk to you. Your white hair and beard your kilt and your posture makes them want to mother you.”

“I do meet a lot of women. I get a lot of tears too when I have to disappoint them, I’m yours only. Have been for 49 years now.”

“I love you, Doug.”

“And I, you, Gail. C’mere And sit next to me.”

“Ummm ... Whooo, you can still curl my toes when you kiss me like that.”

“Okay … help me up here please sweetheart … thanks … now lets go Wassail with our family then I’ll go for a walk with Andrew, the brat, and get very relaxed. I hope he brought a pipe.”

“If not, I keep one in my purse for you.”

“You’re an amazing woman, Gail.”


Note:
I expanded the history, it’s not 300 words now.