Securely Calloused

I never used to be so hard,
Or distant, hidden behind a wall.
But in life things happen
To make your safe world just fall.

It shatters into pieces,
Lays broken at your feet
The perfect mirror of your life
Demolished from defeat

My nightmare started a few years ago
When the world crashed into crumbs.
I wasn’t prepared for the blood & pain,
So I retreated; silent & numb.

I’ve found that it’s easier to withdraw
When life threatens to hurt too much.
I hide inside my pretty shell
To avoid an overwhelming emotions touch.

I can’t go through that pain again,
Force feeling any way I could
To drive my car into a ditch, depressed
and having more negative thoughts than I should.

I can’t go through that again
I barely made it through before!
So now I barricade my heart
And with every loss, add a layer more.

1/24/2019