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by ktraya Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E · Essay · Writing.Com · #2207353
My thoughts on making friends with people!

Traya 4

Deconstruction of the Human Psyche

People are puzzles. Normally, they depict a self-image, and each piece is a critical part of them. It takes considerable effort to connect all the pieces in the right place and orientation to complete this puzzle. Typically, they spend their whole lives in a futile attempt to finish it. Most either leave it alone as a work in progress or others help them to ambitiously operate on it. The fun part about people lies in their structure: they are three-dimensional, extremely complex, unfinished, and no one knows how to locate the missing pieces. They appear straightforward and easy to solve at first, but reveal a confusing jungle of holes and shoddy pieces made of even smaller ones. It is rare to find complete, refined sections, and difficult to find similar ones connected to it. They are visual illusions, for the only way to see their holes would be to shift the angle of perception. The depth of the intricacies appears unfathomable. Ultimately it is left to the individual to stumble upon missing pieces and solve their puzzle.

But what of the observers: the ones who want to help solve the puzzles? Most simply leave these messes alone because they do not want to lose themselves in the jumble of puzzle pieces. Some, however, take an interest in them because they see a potential benefit. They recognize similarities between others and themselves, and compare: gathering every bit of information. The difference then is what they choose to do with it. Some use it as a guide to their missing pieces because knowing which ones are needed aids in the process of finding them. Similarly, some shine light on "solved" sections in themselves as an example to help others fill their gaps. Some accept that others need to find their own way to attain what is missing, and choose to simply observe. Another viable option would be to collect compatibilities regarding solved sections or lack thereof, and use this to establish a base between both persons. A way to build on the foundation would be to combine these puzzle solving strategies. Establishing this symbiotic relationship could prove beneficial in building strong relationships.

Figuring this out as I grew up was an interest I never aged out of. The roots of these thoughts, however, came from my parents. They would fight fairly often when I was young, and at first I was so devastated and afraid that all I could do was lock myself in my room and comfort my younger brother. This pattern would continue through my younger years, until I gained enough courage to leave my bedroom. My father always told me that change starts when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. I did not want my parents' breakdowns to ruin our nights any longer, so I started to hear through the screams and shatters of household items. I began to listen.

The muffled yelling became distant and clear as I moved from my safe bedroom to the hallways, where I could be seen. I stared blankly at the warm light soaked on the plaster walls of our apartment, and as my vision faded I honed into the voices. The booming yells of my father and the piercing screeches of my mother reverberated throughout the house. The emotional pain jabbed at me with every word. I only listened for short amounts of time as the terror of being spotted overcame me, but I kept going back. Fear still dominated me like a ball and chain in my mind, so never once did I dare to take those few steps around the corner. But I still listened, analyzing my parents' words.

I tried to rationalize the reason for their argument through the salty taste of my tears and the exchanges of screams that made my stomach lurch. I tried to used my junior high literary education to understand the disconnect between my parents' words and reasoning. I peered into the deeper meanings. I tied their experiences to why they acted: weaving that into the rest of my observations, and formed analytical strategies. This was the foundation of my method to perceive others.

In high school, I applied the same techniques on my close friends. I found patterns in them, and occasionally adjusted my mindset to fit their patterns and give them some laughs. After my friends I shifted to acquaintances and strangers. Typically, I try to configure a rough idea of who they are, then continue to poke at them without doing so too strongly. Asking questions and listening rather than only talking about your life works well when making friends. I listen to each person's story and sympathize with them to generate an emotional bond. This is observing others' puzzles. Poking around them is viewing them at different angles to see through your illusions about them. Listening to them and exchanging stories is figuring out which pieces are missing.

I only use my techniques to make new friends, but if I wanted to, I could figure someone out and strike them where it hurts--like a martial art. It may be considered a low blow to analyze someone so I can spiritually fight them. Additionally, some may think that I am manipulating myself and others so I can befriend them, and leeching off their characters to improve mine. This is fair, although I do not see the harm in doing these. However, my understanding is subject to change. Currently, if someone is initiating this type of fight, then I would do it in self-defense. On the other hand, I maintain and continue to build upon my qualities through my own devices, and I let fate bring me to those pieces which solve my puzzle. I only make minor changes in myself to have others feel comfortable around me. Again, my goal is real friendship, not to project a fake image of myself to make someone befriend that fade. Overall, I believe my methods are valid.

I believe anyone can become anybody's friend because studying others is a learnable skill. It does not need a traumatic push as motivation to start either. All it needs is the right mindset and a goal. Your motive could be as simple as trying to be friends with your roommate or being able to understand your friends better. Likewise, a powerful leader may use it to establish diplomatic ties with another country. Whatever the cause or scale, forming relationships will prove advantageous throughout life, so it is good to start learning people now.

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