The Plight of the Manchild!

It was the morning of July 30th, and you were just waking up from a pleasant dream. You felt happy this morning because a couple of nights ago, you confessed to some fans that you were dating your mother and how you two had been in bed together for the past month now. You also thought it was a good idea to talk about how you bought your aging mother some lingerie and sex toys to play with during your time. This morning, you decided to hit up Twitter and see what was going on. You notice that you are trending and at first thought it was either because people see you like the Goddess you are or they wanted to take action against Hasbro and make them shut down G5 and let their be more "Friendship is Magic." However, one quick glance at the hashtags and you went from being curious to being scared shit-less as it was revealed that those people who you blabbed to the other night exposed your "romps in the hay" with your mother over the internet. You then realized that this might be the work of the Dang, Dirty Trolls and will have to find a way to punish them for this misdeed. You quickly hop onto Twitter and made an announcement for everyone to please ignore the drama and keep focus on the faith.

Some time later, you hear a pounding at the door. At first you ignore it, but then you hear it again and think, "I swear to Emmanuelle, if this is another prank ordered pizza..." before heading to the door. Before you could answer it, the door is kicked open and a gang of jerkops storm in. Apparently, the police department has been getting calls from people saying that you have been raping your mother and they are concerned about her safety. THOSE DAMN TROLLS STRIKE AGAIN! Before you could explain yourself, an officer hands you an EPO, stating that you have to pack it up and leave the premises immediately. At first you gave the jerkop a strange look and ask if the officer was serious before you busted out laughing, telling them that this is your sacred temple and as the Goddess that resides there, they have no authority to remove you! Before you could conjure up something, a jerkop loses his patience and throws you out into the yard like a bag of trash! WHAT A HEARTLESS BRUTE! THIS IS YOUR HOME FOR COMMODORE'S SAKE! You plead with them to let you back in, but you are told you will have to stay out for about a week before you could come back inside. Before you could decide something, you see your mother get loaded into an ambulance and used your Goddess Seduction powers to convince a paramedic to tell you that your Mom is heading to the UVA, but is best to stay out or face arrest. You sigh and start to head to the van.

As you drive off, you call your best buddy Null and ask him what you should do, as you have been WRONGFULLY removed from your temple! He asks if you have any relatives and the first thing that came to mind was your aunt and uncle. Of course, you had other relatives, but for some odd reason they cut you off after the year Aunt Corrina died. You remember your parents telling you about the funeral details and how it was going to stop you from going to a special church service that day. At the funeral, you thought it would be appropriate to bitch about not being able to eat pancakes because you had to attend this stupid funeral, which of course caused everyone to look at you with flames in their eyes and you and your parents excused yourself from the service. Years later, you and your mother tried to go to a family reunion, but was told that the both of you are uninvited and to never return! You remember this made both of your bloods boil, but left quietly. Now, in a panic stricken mind, you called up your aunt and uncle and tell them that something horrible happened at home and you need a place to stay for at least a week until the shit blows over.

As you arrive at your aunt and uncle's condo, you notice some jerkops parked up front. At first, you thought that something horrible has happened nearby and thought nothing of it at first, but then a couple of jerkops came up to the van and ask who you are. When you tell them who you are, they tell you that your aunt and uncle no longer want you here. Shocked at hearing this, you tell the jerkops you didn't believe a word they said and to have your aunt or uncle come out immediately! Your blood starts to boil again, as you realize that Mary Lee Walsh may have found out about your recent troubles and has decided to add salt to the wound by sending her jerkop army to the condominium to keep you out! As you continue to argue with the jerkops, you see something that is a sight for sore eyes: Your aunt coming out with a jerkop escorting her! Just as you begin to thank her for coming out and clearing up your name, she says something that shakes you to the core: that she and your uncle really don't want you here! You, with a broken heart, ask why and she said, "Christian, I know what you just did to your mother...and that is wrong. I know you love her, but what you did is both sick and wrong! How could you take advantage of someone in her condition?!?" You again try to persuade her that it's nothing like she is hearing and when you try to explain yourself to her again, she says, "I don't think even God would allow this, this is just wrong! I'm afraid I can't let you stay with us anymore Christian..." And with that, she walks off, with a jerkop escorting her back into the building. As you try to shout out to her, jerkops start to surround the van and demand that you either leave or be arrested! Both furious and upset, you stomp on the gas pedal and haul it out of there before the Jerkops could do anything else!

As you drive down the road, tears started running down your face, as with anger, you realized that not only did Mary Lee Walsh send her jerkop army after your aunt and uncle, but brainwashed the two as well, just to make you even more miserable! DAMN THAT CURSED WITCH!!! While choking back tears, you call back Null and tell him the horrible tale about your aunt and uncle and he tells you to just check into a hotel room for the meantime. Unfortunately, because of your frivolous spending to make your Mom happy, you are coming up a bit short for a one night stay at a hotel and Null tells you to do the unthinkable...he tells you to park your van in a vacant parking lot in a nice part of town and sleep inside it for the night. Upon hearing those words, you tell him that you are a Goddess and you deserve better treatment, but he says that he cannot send the money faster, you will just have to be patient! With a sigh, you pull into a parking lot that is close to the malls and decide to bunk up for the night. You try to sleep in the back, but it was so cramped that you have to scrunch your legs up in order to fit in the backseat. You then go to sleep for about two hours before waking up with serious leg cramps. You think to yourself that this is no way for a Goddess to seek shelter and you need a better option and fast! Just then a thought crosses your mind...you remember you have access to Mommy's bank account! You go on there and take out about $750 so that not only will you have enough to shack up in a motel, but to get you some items to help keep you calm and collected during this fiasco! You then plan to check into a hotel first thing tomorrow and soon start to go back to sleep. You then start to think about what would happen if Null finds out about this, but then think to yourself that it's perfectly OK with him before you slip off to sleep again in the van...