Lost And Found

Giving up is always easier then fighting back even if your brain is telling you to but your body and your heart keep telling you to fight but why would you want to if its too hard to even get out of bed or to even go outside because something is always holding you back so you just immediately give up and go back to sleep because at the time that's all you really want to do because that's the only thing giving you peace. You've heard of people being held captive by people but could you imagine being held captive by a thing or things and no i'm not talking about monsters and things from fantasy lands or horror movies, your probably asking yourself right now what is she talking about. Honestly i'm glad you asked and my answer might shock you,but i'm talking about emotions, you're probably thinking you can't be held prisoner by emotions,trust me when I say this you can be its just not apparent to the naked eye if anything it's silent. So now this is where my story begins I hope you have the emotional strength for this because trust me I don't and I didn't. Let's move on, basically I was held hostage by depression and by anxiety it was torture it felt like being set on fire. Each day I hoped day in and day out that the days would be better eventually they were and I thought I was free, that the depression and anxiety had finally let me go after everyday being torture with the anxiety that everyone around me hated me or was plotting my downfall because of all the stares and the hushed whispers, a part of me wanted to know what they were saying and the other part of me didn't want to know. Just when I thought things were getting better since the days were better but then the nights became worse than the days. Sometimes I couldn't sleep at night because the thoughts were so loud it's like they manifested into the room and just started walking around chanting I guess you can say like the native Americans do. I honestly thought I was going crazy I couldn't get any sleep because every time I tired I'd be woken up by my thoughts sometimes the only way I could sleep was to cry and then I would start to worry that I wouldn't be able to cry anymore but with the constant voices and pain I didn't have to worry about not being able to cry, at this point I thought I would just give up I almost had but I continued to fight even when there were times when I didn't want to and the depression and anxiety kept pulling me back and forth, but instead of giving up I fought back because I had to and I'm still fighting but I still have times when I lose but I still go on.