Chapter 21

I am on my way home, and I have firmly decided to tell the
enemy in my head to fuck off, leave me alone and allow me to
live my life. It didn't matter because the mean ass bully
doesn't listen and decide to just fuck off or at least just to
shut the fuck up for a while. So, I just continue to stick
firmly with the plan and think whatever the outcome turns out
to be is what was meant to be. That is all that there is to
this, I am done stressing and guessing about if this is right
or if that would be better. Like I said if this is all a game
and I will end up being made an ass out of and having myself
crushed, it is far from being the first time. For that matter
I guarantee it won't be the last time either.
I just thank myself again for the luck with men and my
horrible judgement of them. I often think I should just say
fuck it stay single and not date and adopt another animal.
Or again think maybe I should consider dating a woman and
going out for try outs on the other team. But honestly, I
don't think I can play a game without a dick and balls.
I take a deep breath and head straight for the fridge and grab
out two cans of beer. Yes, this is indeed worth two cans
instead of just one, these have helped me come through a lot
of tough times and I think it will help me now. I am so
unnerved and playing all these horrible scenes through my
mind, as I realize another pitfall. Oh my God, I practically
scream this will not give me the answer that I am looking for,
this is just giving him an answer so that he knows if his game
ends tonight or if he can play a little longer. Ok so I text
him and say guess what I found out I'm free that's all good
and fine, but Warren will still have a day to play his game
with his pawn. But, if I text him and tell him that I can't
make it, it is over for Warren. Or he could say oh damn ok
maybe next weekend we can try if he is looking to keep his
game up and running. But otherwise that would be game over
for Mr. Davenport.

Now I am thinking how idiotic I would look waiting for him to
come and pick me up for our date, and he would never show up.
Or if he tells me to meet him somewhere like his apartment and
I go and knock at his door and he never answers. Oh, good
lord, why does my mind have to do this shit to me? I just
wish I was a normal person with normal thoughts and not all
the negative Nelly crab that gets tossed around inside my
fucked-up brain.
Well whatever this must happen, one way or another this must
happen. So, I take out my phone and sit at the table with my
two beers, I think fuck this shit I get up and pull out my
friend Jim. I pour myself a shot of Jim Beam and slam it, of
course I curse like a sailor because I absolutely despise hard
liquor. I can't stand the shit never could, it just burns so
bad and every time I am a moron and take a shot I swear off
the shit for life. This almost full bottle is a souvenir from
an ex he loved the shit. I go back over to join my two beers
which within a second become one.
Ok I think to myself this is it, you can do this. Then why am
I stalling and not typing this mother fucking text, better yet
why have I not even opened his last text to respond. I sigh
heavily and open his text and hit reply. "Warren, Hi I hope
you are doing well. I wanted to get back to you about this
weekend like I said I would." Ok let's not give any signs
away that make him see that I am maybe excited about this
happening and being the start of your dream from last night
coming true. I scream out loud at myself “Sophie Marie
McIntosh!” It causes Brandi to skid on the kitchen floor and
bee line it for my bedroom, I can't help but laugh as she
peers out around the door to look at me to see what the fuck
just happened, her eyes as big as saucers.
I calm myself down and continue "I wanted to wait until we
were closer to make sure, that my friends were not going to
plan something for us to do this weekend." I am thinking of a
clever way to word this, so he thinks I have a life and do
make plans on the weekends, with people. That's right my
friends yes, they make plans to hang out with me, and yes

there are men in that group too. I think to myself how
fucking pathetic a 24-year-old woman can be as to be sitting
here still having imaginary friends, pathetic I must admit.
But he doesn't know that this isn’t the truth, well at least
right now he doesn't, but if we become an item he will know it
then. Then he will break up with me because he will realize
that the only friends I have are the imaginary ones that I
just made up in this text.
Wow stop reading into this and just answer the fucking dude
already. God I really think maybe a visit to the doctor to
have my meds increased is becoming necessary. Ok, enough
about my pretend friends, "Well it looks like I am free this
weekend, so if you were still interested in hanging out you
can give me a call back either tonight or tomorrow. We can
then discuss what we would like to do on Saturday night, or
afternoon, or whatever time you think would be best." Okay
that is enough, stop now I yell in my mind before you make
yourself look desperate and like a complete dope. I realize
that right now I feel like a teenage girl who just found out
the hot guy wants to take her to the dance. I hit the send
key, and realize I just responded back to him. I pop the
second beer and chug it.
I take notice that as I stand up to start my dinner that my
adrenaline is pumping so hard through my body that my hands
are clammy and shaking. Ok, chill out I think I don’t know
what is going to happen from here and I really don’t need to
have a panic attack. He may not even call me back I suddenly
think, and I said if not tonight tomorrow. I will have to wait
and see if he doesn't call tonight if he will call tomorrow, I
should have said call tonight. Fuck that was such an asinine
move, why didn't I say call me tonight, why did I give him
that extra time to get back to me. Now I have another whole
day to stress over this bullshit, see always a fuck up I smack
myself with my opened hand on my forehead. I swear I am not
fucking dumb but when it comes to men I swear my IQ goes into
the negative. Oh well I will just have to be patient and not
think about it, just forget about it.

I head over to the fridge and pop another beer, this will help
me to forget. I start preparing dinner and preparing myself
to forget about this whole Warren thing and that I am about to
be made an ass out of.
I decide on just reheating one of the meals I have in my
freezer. Since it is just me that eats the meals I cook, I
always have a freezer full of meals that I prepared so I
always will freeze my leftovers. It is nice because I will
always have a home cooked meal that just needs to be thrown
into the microwave and heated up. I also have the store-
bought frozen meals, the ones that I can't make for just
myself, like lasagna. I grab one of the meals that I believe
is chicken pot pie with homemade noodles. I snicker when I
think about chicken pot pie, my mom is Pennsylvania Dutch, so
our chicken pot pie is not really a pie, we make it with
homemade dough noodles, thick ones.
I was dating this guy one time and I said I was going to make
chicken pot pie and when I served it he was so confused. He
was like this isn't chicken pot pie, I was like yes, it is.
He insisted it was just chicken soup with noodles, once he
took the first bite he stopped arguing and said to me "well
regardless of what you call it, this shit is awesome". I just
laughed and said chicken pot pie, PA Dutch chicken pot pie, he
didn't argue with me anymore on what to call it.
I figure I have enough time that I can quick go and get ready
for bed before I eat. That way I can just cuddle up and watch
television with Brandi snuggled up next to me until I decide
its time to go to bed. I need to keep somewhat occupied so a
I can stop envision all these negative scenes that keep on
flashing through my head with Warren being the villain. I am
trying to keep some positive ones in there, in hopes that they
may play out. I just hate turning over all the power to
someone else, because now the ball is in his court and out of
mine