Forever and Always

Chapter 2


My cousin Drake played football for school. He had practice at a park. They took advantage of the fields to practice. Drake is a couple years younger than me. Almost three years with the difference of a couple months. We practically grew up together.

I watched him practice sometimes. Other times I went to the playground and swung on their swings. Once in a while a couple kids my age went to the playground and we talked. One particular day an old friend saw me and wanted to talk to me. Her boyfriend was with her.

She was pretty. She had blonde hair and blue eyes and wore makeup. We got to talking. Her boyfriend asked if I played League of Legends and I said I've never heard of it. My friend said he played it all the time and joked that he spent more time on that game than he did with her.

The topic of Alice came up organically. She had asked me if I made any new friends. I told her I met a girl named Alice. I told her that she cut herself. She warned me that some people cut for attention and I assured her Alice wouldn't do that. I trusted her.

When it was time to go, she gave me a hug. After that day, I haven’t seen her again. She went to a different school so it was understandable. I can't quite remember where in my school years I met her, but it must've been somewhere between sixth grade and the first part of seventh grade. Fifth grade was when I lived in North Carolina so it couldn’t have been then. I've always remembered talking with her at that park though.

The tension between Alice and Rachel slowly built up. Rachel’s bright attitude certainly didn’t help matters. Alice vented about some comments she made. I told her to not let Rachel get to her.

There came a day when the tension boiled over. It seemed inevitable. One day at lunch we were allowed to go outside to eat. The group decided that it would be a nice change of pace to eat outside. It was a small closed off space that the doors from the cafeteria led to. There were a couple tables and benches to sit on. A lot of people would choose to stand and talk instead.

Alice asked Jasmine if she would take her lunch with her so she could use the restroom. She didn’t for some reason but I was too excited about going outside to notice. When she came out with us she realized Jasmine hadn’t grabbed it, and irritably went in to get it herself.

When she came back she told me what just happened. I said that I would've grabbed it if I knew Jasmine left it. Jasmine was chatting it up with the rest of the group. I didn’t realize until then that Rachel was spreading rumors about Alice.

Alice knew this when she exchanged a few words with Jasmine. Alice was furious. I had never seen her so angry before. She shouted some unpleasant things at Rachel. Rachel shouted back.

I was watching it unfold. Alice stormed off to sit on a bench. I wanted to help and tried to think of what to say to her. No one else in the group went over to talk to her. Not even Jasmine. So it was up to me.

I went over to the bench and sat next to her. She was venting about Jasmine not sticking up for her. I could tell that she was hurt. She said that it felt like no one was on her side or cared. I told her that I was on her side. I didn't realize it at the time, but that meant a lot to her. I did what I thought was the right thing at the moment.

When lunch ended. We went to art class together. I walked by her as she said how much she hated Rachel. Going to that class was a good way for me to wind down from what happened.

That day after school, I berated Jasmine for not being by Alice's side through messages. In hindsight, I was probably more harsh than I should’ve been. I basically said that she wasn't acting like a good friend.

Later on I gave the abridged version of what happened to my aunt. Who said drama like that could be exhausting. I noticed how tired I felt and went to bed for the night.

The next day at school I met with Alice. We had some time before the first class to talk. Jasmine came shortly after we met. I apologized to Jasmine for what I said and she said that she forgave me. Jasmine agreed that she should've handled the situation differently.

I felt bad for how I apparently made her feel. After all, Jasmine was my friend too. I didn't tell Alice what I said to Jasmine until much later. I gathered that Jasmine hadn’t told her either. When the five minute warning to get to class came on through the speakers, we went our separate ways until lunch.

The dynamic of the group had changed. Alice didn't talk to Rachel, and still had feelings for Eric. Alice and Heather didn't talk anymore. Alice confessed to me that she thought Heather was annoying, but understood I was friends with her. She didn’t seem to talk as much to Liam either. Alice and Jasmine were still best friends, but their relationship became damaged. At least in the short term.

Love is something that happens over time. There are times when you fall into a routine with someone. You see them more often. Being around them makes you happy. You begin to notice more intricacies about that person. Things that make them unique. It all happens so fast. Until eventually, you look at them and realize that you love this person. There’s no science to it. It’s one of those things where you know it when you feel it.

There came a point when I knew that I loved Alice. I saw her as a beautiful soul. Though in need of some guidance. I considered her to be my best friend. We were talking more than before. Not only at school, but messaged each other often as well.

This was a different kind of love. It wasn't romantic. It was platonic. Familial. I knew it was irrevocable. I would’ve moved Heaven and Earth for her if I could.

I've never loved a friend like that before. It was a new and almost confusing feeling. I was a lonely kid. I didn’t have many people to hang out with other than Drake. When I lived in North Carolina it was Tessa and her friends who I talked to.

I don’t remember the first time I told her I loved her. I’ve told her that countless times over the years. I was happy when Alice told me that she loved me back. I knew I wasn’t who she considered to be her best friend, but that’s something I came to terms with. Knowing that she loves me was enough. As I’d come to learn, love is a powerful force.

I started doing better in science class. It took time but I got my grades in that class up. I still goofed around at times but not to my detriment. I had a friend named Thomas that goofed around with his other friends too. One of their names was Matt, who the teacher called “Troll”.

There was a girl named Chelsea as well. Who for the most part was nice to me but was annoyed by some of my antics. She got annoyed with Thomas and Matt too. Chelsea would tell them to fellate her nonexistent penis, which I thought was hilarious. She told me to do that a couple times too. I’d joke and say “I’m good.” or “No thanks.”

The teacher, Mr. Smith, had the idea for students to earn a “luncheon”. The idea was to take a friend and eat some pizza in another room, with supervision from Mr. Smith, of course. You could earn it if you did well on a test. Or if you earned a good grade on a particular assignment.

I ended up winning a luncheon. They gave me a slip to sign and one for a friend to sign. I knew that I wanted to take Alice with me.

I took the slip to lunch with me, because that was the time of the day I would usually see her before science. I officially asked her to go with me. I signed her name before she did. She was impressed that I punctuated her last name properly. I knew how to write it because of the social media site we talked to each other on. I took the paper to my teacher and everything was in order.

The luncheon was nice. Alice and I sat across from each other. I ate about three slices of pizza. Alice ate one piece. I asked Alice if she was sure she didn’t want another slice but she told me she usually doesn’t eat a lot. I enjoyed the pizza but I enjoyed her company more.

I found a group on a social media website that was about helping people to self harm less. It was called The Butterfly Project. I think Alice told me about it and I checked out the page out of curiosity. The idea was to draw a butterfly on someone’s wrist, and if they self harmed it would “kill” the butterfly. In a way, the butterfly represented a hope of beating that impulse. I chatted with one of the admins for a bit and I told her the jist of what was happening. She said I was a good friend for helping Alice.

Alice told me I could draw a butterfly for her. I was honored to do so. At lunch the next day she brought a couple markers. I drew a simple butterfly on her wrist. Heather said something about it looking weird and I said something like “Human skin isn’t easy to draw on.”

A few days went by and Alice killed the butterfly. I encouraged her to not give up and assured her that she didn’t let me down. I knew it would take time and patience to make progress. I think she was disappointed in herself nonetheless. Even so, the butterfly had a good run in the short time it was there. I remember the butterfly mostly as a gesture of my love. Even if the butterfly had died, my love for Alice would live on.