An Interview With Robyn

About Robyn




It takes a special kind of retard to interview his or herself. I believe I fall into that category. From this absolute lunacy I have obtained information about myself. For you. Enjoy.



"Hi Robyn."



--"Hey there."



"Let's get started. Hair colour?”



--“Some say blonde, some say brown, a few say red. I prefer the term, ‘retarded combination of all 3.’ That way everyone is happy.”



“Indeed… Eye colour?”



--“Some say blue, some say turquoise, several say green. They’re blue, ya bastards! HEAR ME??? BLUE!”



“That’s great. What about your weight and height?”



--“I’m around 5’6, but there is no way in hell I will divulge my weight to you.”



“Fair enough… Moving on. What are you’re hobbies?”



--“Well, Mary-Ellen—“



“Robyn.”



--“What?”



“My name. It isn’t Mary-Ellen, it’s Robyn.”



--“No way! That’s my name!”



“I know, we’re the same person.”



--“Get out!”



“It’s true. You’re having a severe psychotic episode. I’m you, you’re me… try not to think about it. It boggles the mind.”



--“Wow… wait… psychotic episode? Caused by what?”



“Drugs.”



--“Oh.”



“Let’s continue. Any romantic interests?”



--“Hee hee hee…. Yeah…”



“Are you gonna say who?”



--“Hee hee hee… no…”



“Fair enough.”



--“COUGHjoeyCOUGH”



“What?”



--“Nothing.”



“Ok then… give us a little known fact about yourself.”



--“Well, actually, I play the accordion.”



“Damn it Robyn, everyone knows that!”



--“Really?”



“God yes.”



--“So it’s not a little known fact?”



“Quite the contrary.”



--“Oh.”



“Alright, let’s wrap this up… where do you see yourself in 10 years?”



--“At 26? Hopefully not on welfare… And with any luck not interviewing myself, this is bordering on horror movie here.”



“Hey, it’s not my fault you O.D’d on the Nyquill again.”



--“Yes it is, you’re me, aren’t you?”



“Sure, if you wanna get technical…”



--“And another thing, why did you need to ask me all these questions? You’re me, didn’t you already know the answers?”



“Hey, look at—Lo-LOOK AT ME!”



--“What?”



“What do I look like?”



--“Me?”



“…”



--“What?”



“Just… just get in the car. We’re going home. Now.”



--“But I didn’t come here with you.”



“GET IN THE CAR!”



--“You’re a bitch.”



--“Takes one to know one.”