May I Just Have A BiB?

May I just have a bib, thank you?

First it was Janet’s wardrobe malfunction fiasco.

Now, it’s Miss Universe, Jennifer Hawkins, who lost her Bora skirt as she paraded on a catwalk at a Sydney fashion show Thursday.

Instead of the FCC doling out a fine, Miss Universe got an award.

I am so relieved that my fashion faux pas don’t make the Associated Press on a daily basis.

It is this writer’s opinion that Victory Secret should jump on this opportunity to give Miss Universe a year’s supply of their gorgeous panties. Miss Hawkins is quoted in the Associated Press as saying that her deepest regret is that she wasn’t wearing better panties when she was later interviewed.

Personally, my deepest fashion regret is that restaurants simply don’t offer their female, full-breasted customers a bib. Sounds insulting, I know, but it is honest. Fashionably speaking it is not very popular, bibs and being full-breasted, and hasn’t been since Twiggy.

Don’t remember Twiggy? Too bad, I think she started a fad that saved designers a lot of time and trouble by allowing them not to have to design fashions for more shapely women. Of course these same designers made more money because their fashions used less fabric by not having to be designed for full-breasted shapely women. Nothing less than criminal, surely some of you will agree with me.

Why don’t restaurants offer full-breasted women bibs?

Seems like every shirt I own is stained at the exact same spot. Seems a little odd. I am one of those women that regardless of the reasons food will not remain on my fork or spoon there is just no clear path to my lap or the floor. Oh, how I wish. I always have a napkin in my lap.

My husband and all diners at the surrounding tables frown very publicly and deliberately, if I even try to stuff a napkin of any kind in the collar of my shirt to catch any inevitable offending morsel.

Men can do this, and women smile knowingly and approvingly. Let a woman do this, and it is considered offensive.

Not fair. Where is the equality? Why am I expected to be less of a slob? Why are my clothes less deserving of protection, when they are usually more expensive?

I’ve watched as mothers have scolded their children while attempting to copy my clothes saving maneuvers of trying to put or balance a napkin like a bib. Yes, I have watched mothers slap their children’s little hands, and then slid the napkin into their lap. This is fine, when you are young and have a flat chest.

But for mature, blessed women a proper bib would be just fine. I would not be insulted at all. I don’t think most well endowed women would be. It is something we have lived with our entire lives. It is not a secret. We have tried minimizing bras; that is a waste of time and money. Some of us have nearly permanently ruined our posture, certainly a large part of our wardrobe, all for the simple want of a bib.

If one or two celebrities would team up with a hot designer, there is the real possibility this could be the newest and hottest fashion trend. Designer outfits could come with their own custom designed diamond studded bibs. Life in the fast lane would never have been finer.

Of course, Barbie would now come with her own fashion bib, too.

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http://entertainment.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=168162

The Critic hopes that you find both of our articles interesting, but find The Critic’s article funny, and more entertaining. It is my hope that you will remember what was written here and forget all about the other guy. It’s a dog eat dog world.