Untitled

Someone once said "With friends like these
who needs enemies?" I grew to feel that
way about you.
When we were kids we all used to sit on my
grandmother's porch and suck the dirt of rocks.
Do you remember that?
We always said that we were going to grow up
down the street from each other and allow our
kids to be friends like we were.
Do you remember?

When you saw me that day in June, my face
covered in bruises, my body hurt from the hits
of his fists you comforted me.
Told me that I should leave him alone before
he kills me. Always told me that. I loved you
for that.
You came to visit me in the hospital that
night after he beat me until I was unconscious.
You were there by my side when I opened my eyes.
I said right then that you were my closest friend.
Now, how see I was wrong.

I think back on our childhood friendship.
I wonder "What did I do? Why would the person
I confided in, trust with all my secrets
bear a child with the person I grew to loathe?"

I asked you "Why?! How could you do this to
me? Why HIM! Why the person that I was so in
love with? The one who beat me and I still
didn't leave. Why did YOU my BEST friend
have to have a child by him?"
Do you remember your response?
You shrugged. You dismissed my question
like I was talking to air.

Months later I get a phone call from you.
I smirk, holding the phone, wondering what
you could possibly say to me.
"My little girl's dead Shon... my baby's
gone and it's all my fault." My heart felt
like it stopped. I broke down and cried with
you. Forgotten was all the pain you put me
through. I was there with you when no one
else was. I was there when you buried your
only child, my could-have-been stepchild.

A while later you asked, no, you pleaded
for my forgiveness. Asked me not to
hold your actions against you. Did you
know how hard it would be for me to
forgive you? You told me he wasn't good
enough for me while cleaning the dried
blood from my face. You told me that I
could do better while helping me through
the doors of the hospital everytime he
placed me there.
And you have the nerve to think I would
forgive!
I hated you! I cursed the day I met you!
To speak your name would made me sick to
my stomach. And yet, I did what you asked.
I forgave. Never forgotten, but I forgave.

As I ride down the interstate I get a call.
It is one of our friends. I immediately go
into detail about my actions of the day. But
I notice that she is silent. As I ask what is
wrong she blurts it out. Even now, it seems
like a dream. "She's dead! Shounda, Charesse
is dead!"

All of the hurtful feelings rush me like a
tidal wave breaking against the shore. I felt
as if someone struck me in the abdomen with
their fists....
I plead with our friend. Telling her she is
mistaken. Telling her that she had the wrong
person. No, not you! I can't bear to bury
another friend. It wasn't you it was someone
else.

Now... I close my eyes and think of you.
Wondering if you suffered. Hoping you did not.
After all the hell we went through. After all
the harsh words were said, I still considered
you my friend.
I know you can hear me, wherever you are.
I just wanted you to know.
After all is said and done, you still have
a place in my heart.

R.I.P.
Charesse Elisabeth Killions
August 15, 1982 - April 16, 2005