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The lights whirled and flashed in a magic kaleidoscope of colour. The giggles of a girl who’d just won a teddy bear mingled with the organ music from the merry-go-round and the happy screams of the riders on the Killer-Diller. The smell of cotton candy and peanuts made Ellen’s mouth water. She reached out for Eddie’s hand and turned to watch the roller coaster come down in its last terrifying curve. Then, out of the corner of her eye she saw...
A quick flash, it wasn’t much just enough to catch her attention, though only hers. She turned, but all she could see were the intoxicating twinkle lights and happy faces that surrounded her. She looked back at Eddie, he was still lost in the sights and sounds that for a brief moment had disturbed her. She shrugged off the feeling and the flash letting herself believe it was just someone taking pictures.
Eddie was overjoyed; he loved carnivals like these, everyone happy and enjoying themselves. The only sad noises were from little kids not being allowed to get a candied apple so close to their bedtimes. This was nothing like how it was at home. At home he was just another reason his mom was depressed. It seemed that no matter what he did he would always make everything worse.
Last night she kicked him out.
She was drunk again. Eddie was pissed, these were the nights that kept his life a cliche, Mexican kid supporting his alcoholic mom and no dad to be seen. His mom had the worst taste in guys. She always picked the ones that would leave her at a gas station in the middle of the night. She managed to walk back this time, but not without the pit stop at a liquor store. She had a habit of taking out all her anger on him. This time it meant making him leave at two in the morning with her screaming the whole way to the door.
He hadn’t told Ellen this. He couldn’t spoil such a great night.
Eddie looked over at Ellen, her skin was so light that it looked like she blushed all the time. Her gaze was set on the grinning little kids atop the painted horses and swans. He couldn’t tell what she was thinking, he never could, she always had a stone look, like the ones that mannequins have. The desert wind was blowing her hair out of the two sticks that held it in a bun. Making it look stringy and wild.
His eyes darted up to the side for a split second. Something caught his eye. He looked at the merry-go-round, something in there, between the kids swaying by. Something was wrong about the picture. The mirror. On the pillar that held up the top were hundreds of mirrors, or what had to be mirrors. His eyes couldn’t focus, all he could see were harsh lights and what looked like a metal door. He must be imagining it, right? He looked over to see if that was what Ellen was looking at.
“El, what is that?”
“What’s what?” she looked where he was pointing. “The merry-go-round?”
“Yeah, but what’s that on the mirrors?”
It was hopeless, she didn’t think anything was wrong.
She suggested that they move away, maybe sit down somewhere quiet. She looked worried.
I’m probably just dehydrated, he thought as he made his way through the crowd to the edge of the fair grounds. He was still holding Ellen’s hand, now tighter than before. He freaked himself out.
It was now around ten or so and the moon was out. The clouds were creeping up on it, soon it would just be the carnival lights to light up the area around them.
“I think I need some water, I’ll be right back” he was just about to get up from the bench they found away from all the noise and crowd. He had to get away from it. The screams from the roller coasters and the noise from the surrounding crowds which grew more and more ominous and started grinding on his nerves.
“No, no. You sit here. I’ll be right back, it won’t take long. I promise” She kissed him gently on the cheek before she ran off through the crowd. The warmth on his cheek was fleeting and he was starting to get cold. Leaving all the body heat of the crowd was a bad idea. His teeth had started to chatter, he never thought he’d be cold in the desert.
As he sat there waiting for Ellen to get back, he looked off into the night scape outside the fence and after the moat of trash left behind. Off into the distance he could make out the cacti and the huge boulders that covered the cracked ground. But passed that, passed the horizon he could see something. It took him a long time to realize what he was looking at. Just like at the merry-go-round he saw white walls made even brighter by some light overhead. He shook his head and looked around, a rising pressure building up in his ears. The only people around him were couples too involved with each other to notice anything else. He looked at his watch, it was half passed ten and Ellen hadn’t come back.
Eddie sat there holding his arms and wondering where Ellen could be. Alone, he shouldn’t be. Not right now. He hadn’t felt like this since the first time his mother ran off. He was 7 and scared, he ended up going next door and stayed there until about a week later when his mom finally came home. He felt so alone and weak. He didn’t want to feel like that again. He got up and started for the crowd. He struggled his way through, trying to make his eyes focus. He couldn’t see very well. Details were now gone. He couldn’t tell if he was passing by a man or a woman, they all just looked like big mounds of wax going past him.
The anxiety of the fact that he couldn’t see was amplified by the fact that Ellen was gone. He couldn’t find her, he let her go, he shouldn’t have.
One of the wax people, covered in blue and green blurs didn’t move in time and knocked Eddie flat on his back. It was the first time he stopped thinking about Ellen. Then he felt a pat on his shoulder. A latex gloved hand was in front of his face. He could hear a soft female voice, like Ellen’s, whisper: Hello Sunshine, in they go, you know the routine. See you tomorrow.
He felt the gelatin coating of the pills stick as they slid down his throat and the cool drip of water falling off his chin. He laid his head back down and sighed. He looked back up at the stars.