Complex Numbers

Shorter Hops

Well, BBC, if you're trying to frighten me into once again giving a shit about climate change... congratulations.

    Climate change could make beer taste worse  

Imagine a clutter of hipsters squatting around a crackling campfire. Shadows flicker, unexplained lights glimmer from the inky depths of the surrounding forest. Engaged in the time-honored tradition of telling scary stories in the darkness, one of them holds a flashlight under his bearded face, casting unnatural shadows and highlighting where he'd forgotten to snip off a stray whisker strand.

He pauses in his tale, scanning the rapt audience until he's sure he has their undivided attention. "And then," he intones, "they discovered that all of their beer... had turned into Coors Light!"

Everyone: "Gasp!"

Yeah, they're hipsters, so they actually say "gasp" instead of gasping.

Anyway. I don't think this article is saying it'll be quite that bad, but it's scary enough:

Global warming is changing the quality and taste of beer, scientists have warned.

"Weather events will get more extreme." "Meh."

"Sea level will rise, inundating coastal cities." "Whatever; the people can move."

"We'll lose agricultural production." "So? It'll just relocate."

"Beer will taste worse." "Holy fuck, something needs to be done right now!"

Though I don't know if it'll really change any minds. We already know it's going to destroy chocolate and coffee production, and still not enough people care to do anything about it.

Hotter, longer and drier summers are predicted to worsen the situation, and could lead to beer becoming more expensive.

Beer always becomes more expensive. If it ever drops in price, they tax it to make up the difference.

Hops, the flower of the hop plant, are the crucial fourth ingredient in the beer brewing process - alongside water, yeast and malt. They are added before the boiling process to add bitterness, but can also be added afterwards to change the overall flavour.

Yeah, thanks, but no. I mean, yes, adding hops is important for flavor and aroma, but the reason we started with hops in the first place is that they're a preservative, and keep the beer from going bad as quickly. Especially important in the time before refrigeration, or after we stop producing electricity.

Farmers have been working to adapt their growing practices to improve yields, such as moving farms higher up valleys where there is more rainfall, and installing irrigation systems.

Irrigation systems are great, until their sources dry up, too. Which they will.

In summary, we're doomed, and we won't even have decent beer to drown our doominess in.