Shivering Saudade

101 questions & answers

Your early years
1. When and where were you born? Was there anything unusual about your birth?
The Hague, The Netherlands July 28th, 1961. I was the result of a rape of my mother by my father. In those years a No from the woman could easily mean a Yes from the man in the relationship.
2. How would you describe the social and cultural atmosphere in the time and place you
were born? How was it different from the world today? How is it different from where
you live now?
Tight atmosphere, people were building up society after the war. Slowly things began to change during the 60ties. Numerous cultures have immigrated to the Netherlands since. My mother came from The Dutch Indies, a colony of the Netherlands, now Indonesia.
3. What is your earliest memory?
Looking through the wooden bars of the crib. White? My mother wore a blue dotted dress. I must have been three yo. My brother was a newborn then, lying in his crib next to mine.
4. What are the earliest memories of your parents, siblings, other family members, or
where you lived?
My parents were chasing each other through the long hallway. Laughing. Accidentally my mother slammed her arm thru the glass door. A lot of red blood. I started screaming, screaming.
5. Did you have a pet? Why, or why not?
No, we didn't have a pet. Too much work for my parents, they were no animal lovers.
6. What sort of relationship did you have with your parents? In what ways do you
consider them to have been good or bad parents?
A bad relationship. They were always arguing and fighting each other and the three kids. It was not a safe environment.
7. Which of your parents do you most like, and in what way(s)?
I had a better relationship with my father. I looked a lot like him. He outlived my mother. The last 10 years of his life he was very supportive of me.
8. What is your mother’s background? And your father’s?
Mother was born in Indonesia (Dutch Indies). Was in Japanese war camps till her 11th year. Then moved with family to the Netherlands in 1947. 10 children in the family. Father was born in the South of The Netherlands. 3 kids in the family. Their youngest son died 21 yo.
9. Do you have any siblings? Did you get on well as children? And later?
One brother and one sister younger than me. Problematic relationships during childhood. The same later in life.
10. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? What were your early passions or dreams? Did you pursue them?
I don't know. I wanted to write: I destroyed my first journal when I found out my brother secretly had read it. Never wrote again till my 25th year.
11. What were your favourite toys, books, TV shows? Which character(s) did you want to be?
I read everything as a child. My father's library, the real library in town and at school. I didn't have a preference for characters I think.
12. What is your happiest childhood memory? Your saddest?
I cannot recall.
13. Who was your first best friend? Did they influence your future life?
Marcelino Van der Meer, a blond boy in kindergarten. I never saw him again after that.
14. What incidents from childhood had the most impact on the adult you grew to become?
The fights and quarrels at home. The lack of love and affection. The lack of security.

Your school days
15. Do you remember your first day of school?
16. Was learning to read and write easy or difficult for you?
17. Who was your favourite teacher? Your least favourite teacher?
18. Which subjects did you excel at, and which were your worst?
19. Did you play any sports or instruments?
20. Were you part of a clique or group at school?
21. Did you have a best friend? Are you still in touch with them?
22. Did any of your schoolmates influence your future life? How?
23. How has schooling changed since you were a child?
24. What do you wish school had taught you (that it didn’t teach you)?
25. What did you learn about yourself through your experiences at school?
26. Was your high school graduation a significant event for you?
27. Has education been an important aspect of your life? In what way(s)?

Your teenage years and early adulthood
28. What did your parents do that annoyed you when you were a teenager?
29. What is your best memory from your teenage years? And your worst?
30. When did you leave school, and why?
31. What was your first job?
32. When did you learn to drive? Who taught you? When did you buy your first car?
33. Did you have a close friend or group of friends after you left school?
34. What were you passionate about when you were in your teens and early twenties?
35. What was the wildest party you attended / had?
36. Did you have an eighteenth or a twenty-first birthday party? Who came, and what
was it like?
37. What plans for the future did you have at that time?
38. Do you remember your first experience(s) of feeling like an adult?
39. What did you imagine ‘the future’ would be like? How was it different from our world
today?
40. Did you grow up in a religious household? How did it shape your childhood and
teenage years? Did you rebel against your faith?
41. Did you do anything reckless when you were young? Did you regret it later? Do you
regret it now?

Your romantic life
42. When did you first experience feelings of affection or infatuation, and for whom?
43. What was your first kiss like?
44. When did you first start dating?
45. What did your parents think about you dating? Or about your first partner?
46. When did you first fall in love? And what happened?
47. When and with whom did you lose your virginity?
48. What was your most romantic experience?
49. When did you meet your husband / wife / partner (if applicable)?
50. What first attracted you to him / her / them?
51. What was your early relationship like?
52. Can you remember a time when you felt truly loved?
53. Has anyone ever proposed to you? What happened?
54. Did you want children?
55. How did your marriage, or long-term relationship, change your life? Did it affect your
career?
56. Is your partner your best friend? Why, or why not?
57. Do you have a ‘one that got away’?

Your work life
58. What was your first job?
59. How much were you paid?
60. What did you spend your pay on?
61. Why did you leave your first job?
62. Have you ever had a big disagreement with your boss?
63. Have you ever been fired, and why?
64. Was your working life different from the way you’d imagined it would be?
65. What do you count as your primary career successes?
66. What was your working life like? Did you get along with your colleagues?
67. Did (or does) your career make you happy?

Your experiences of parenthood and/or maturity
68. Did you always want to have children?
69. What did becoming a parent mean to you?
70. What was it like being a mother or father when your children were young? How was it
different from today?
71. What are your favourite memories from when your children were young?
72. What are your favourite memories of family life?
73. What are some of the rituals that have defined your family life?
74. Are there any pivotal experiences that led to your maturity as a person?
75. Have you made any choices that significantly changed your life?

Your beliefs, values and personal perspective
76. Are there any philosophers, writers or thinkers whose ideas significantly shaped your
thinking?
77. Have your politics changed throughout your life? Which politicians have you
admired? Despised?
78. Has religion shaped your life, and in what way(s)?
79. Do you have any regrets?
80. In what ways do you feel successful in life?
81. Have you had any experiences of very good or very bad luck?
82. What sacrifices have you made in your life and why?
83. Are there many/any things you wish you’d done differently?
84. What are your most embarrassing moments?
85. What has been the most significant challenge of your life? How did you cope? What
did you learn from that experience?
86. If you could go back in time and change one thing about your past, what would it be?
87. What have you done that you’ve never thought you would do?
88. Who has had the greatest impact on your life?

Your Legacy
89. What advice would you give to your eighteen-year-old self today?
90. Do you have any mottos or guiding principles that you live by?
91. What would you want your great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren to
know about you?
92. Do you feel as though you have made a positive difference in the world? How?
93. Which of your long-term goals have you attained?
94. If you could change one thing about the world today, what would it be?

Miscellaneous
95. If you could invite three people to dinner, dead or alive, who would they be?
96. What are the three words that describe you best?
97. Have you travelled a lot? What are some of your favourite places?
98. Where haven’t you been that you’d like to go? What place would you most like to
return to, and why?
99. Are there any books, films, or music that are enduring favourites, and why?
100. What do your pet peeves reveal about you?
101. What do your tastes reveal about you? What foods do you like and dislike? Do
clothes matter to you? Do you collect any particular items?