Life as we know it sucks

Life is good...for now.

Current mood: happy

Current song: I think I'm paranoid - Garbage



I spent the new years trying to dislodge a pill from my throat, how about you? I was also "chasing", well stalking, I suppose, a really hot guy that kept saying hi to me. I was at a concert all week. And this guy was a curly-head hottie. I was ducking and running through a crowd <my unnatural habit) and the guy was like, "Calm down now." It was funny. He's adorable. Ah, oh well. I won't see him every again. It doesn't bother me much. I want someone who's unique and thinks totally different from everyone else. Jacob is that. Like I've said, Jacob is my soulmate. We think the same, we act the same, and he understands everything I do. We are exactly alike, but totally different. It's weird.

And as I was thinking nonstop about that punk guy, I felt incredibly bad. I'm supposed to be faithful to Jacob. Or at least try to not think about guys a hundred times a day. I want to think ALL about him. I want to stop this nonsense and settle down for once. Even when I liked Matt and was going out with him, I liked about 4 or 5 guys at the same time.

How can it be that I can just blow off any guy now? Suddenly my vanity has left me. I am in love. I don't think I have ever been in love. Perhaps I loved the guy, but I've never felt anything like this before. Though, I guess you can experience different feelings with each person. But, I dunno. I don't think that this is the case here. I am truly in love for the first time. He is all I think about - exceptions of Ben because Relient K reminded me of Creation which in turn reminded me of Ben. But now that I have returned home and satisfyingly talked to Jacob for an hour and a half, I am thinking about him.

I am drawn to him. It's this compelling force I cannot stop. It doesn't bother me. Because I love him and THAT I cannot help. How cool is this? How unreal is this? So fucking unbelievable, huh? I agree. But, I can't get him off my mind. This is love. I can hardly get that through my head. It's terribly too large and my head is so small. My comprehension is little. But, I understand one thing - he loves me.

I have no doubts, no worries. What happens, happens. And it happens for a reason. I hope something happens to us to make us an official US. I've been wishing that far before December 6th. <sigh> It has been a glorious day.