Life as we know it sucks

Fat people rule!

current mood: irritated
current song: Jacob thinks I'm gay - Allister

My passion is writing. Words. Thoughts. And even my passion feels bad. I feel I suck. I know I suck. Why do I bother? My writing is not good. It sucks so badly. Why can't I do anything right? I feel like such a failure.

I can't make Jakey happy...Ever. It feels as if I'm swimming in quicksand. Trying so hard at something I love, but I sink farther and farther every stroke. My will to go on drops everyday. My passion for writing increases, but my actual talent is lacking. I have no talents. No special ability. <sigh> This makes me want to cry. Mr. Deal has brought me down all year and he won't stop for one moment at making me feel like shit. And Matt won't stop for one minute at making me feel like shit, either.

I feel overwhelmingly pissed. Yesterday at school, I had told a few people about Jacob calling me. They asked if I'd seen a picture of him yet. I told them all yes. My friend Kady had asked if he was hot. I shook my head sadly.
"Is he fat?" she pushed.
I smiled uneasily.
She was like, "You can't like a fat guy!"
I retorted, "Why not? There's nothing wrong with him!"
"He's fat, though," she had said.
"So what? There's nothing wrong with him!" I repeated.
"But he's fat."
And I further struggled to stick up for him. I don't understand. Sure he has flaws, but his physical appearance is not one of them. I don't give a fuck what he looks like! And I'm not going to let anyone tell me otherwise. My vanity has left me, but the losers I call my friends are trying to tell me otherwise. That I'm wrong. That I'm stupid for liking Jacob. They may not be saying the exact things, but they are implying it. I am so close to cracking. One day I am going to fucking scream at them and don't care what they do. I don't need friends if that's who I get. I don't want friends if that's who I get.


....Sorry if I offend anyone.



Not really.