I am Nobody

Graduation

Four days ago I did what I never thought would happen, I graduated. Today I am lost, depressed, and utterly confused.
Like all sensible people my age I have a dream of going to college, and all my life people having been shoving that bullshit theory that anyone who wanted to could go to college. To those of you who believe in the said theory, you are all fucking wrong. I want to go to college, I applied for scholarships, I applied for grants, I got accepted to college, received a $250 scholarship, and a $1000 dollar grant to a college that cost $8500 a semester.
My friend a fucking junkie who is probably going to OD before she gets through college received a full ride to a great school.
Today I realized that I am going to throw away my dreams because I can't afford to put myself in almost $80,000 worth of debt just to get a degree in something I am not sure I really want to be.
Today I understand that I will live life from paycheck to paycheck until I die. I don't want to live a life like that, I really wanted to do something with my life, I just don't know what and now it's too late. At 18 my whole fucking life has passed me by. Leaving me utterly screwed, while fucking junkies get to live out my dreams.






I love Angel dearly and I really hope she cleans up! And though I am jealous, I do really wish the best for her.