Ten-Finger Exercises

Forgiveness

Went to my monthly visit with my spiritual advisor, a tall, lean woman with a strong and gentle spirit. We watched the birds as we drank tea, and I talked about the effect the psalms from the daily office earlier this week had on me.

Psalm 5
5 Braggarts cannot stand in your sight; *
you hate all those who work wickedness.
6 You destroy those who speak lies; *
the bloodthirsty and deceitful, O LORD, you abhor.

When I read this psalm Tuesday I felt so angry at my previous boss, the one who was hired the day my mother died and fired me a year later after 17 years at my job as hospital chaplain.

I thought I'd about forgiven her. It's been since November, after a miserable year where she treated me like a lazy coniver and called me a liar and a cheat. I could never understand what she had against me or why she thought my performace was anything but good. I'd never tried harder in my life to do a better job or worked more.

She did not have the education, experience or even the character to hold the position. She's had some major dysfunction in her families. I tried to find excuses for her. It isn't the same as forgiveness though. The loss of the job has been a major change and grief in my life.

I've realized that I can't wait for an answer to why it happened before I forgive. I'll never know for sure. Still, it's not easy to go on without understanding. I've prayed for her, and better start doing it again, plus for myself to learn to to let it go.