The Snowflake Chronicles

Mothers’ Day Regrets

17 Jamal 163 B.E. – May 13 – 14, 2006 A.D.

To the daughter I gave up for adoption:

It has been years since I gave you away, gave you to someone who (I hope) loved you as much as I did (do even today after more than twenty years). I always think of you on Mothers’ Day, pray that the couple who adopted you gave you what I couldn’t, as well as love. Today I wonder what my life would have been like if I had kept you with me physically, as well as in my heart. Today I wonder what your life is like, quite different from what it would have been like with me.

I have regrets and I miss you. You were in my womb for nine months. I felt you grow and develop. I felt you move and kick, you kicked extremely hard, as if you couldn’t wait to leave my womb and get on with your life.

I regret that I didn’t see you at birth, I was asked if I wanted to see you, but I chose not to look on your face. I knew my limitation, if I had looked at you I wouldn’t have given you up and I knew that keeping you wasn’t an option at the time. So I spend my life regretting that I never saw your face, never knew whether you looked like me or like your father.

I think of you all the time, but it’s on Mothers’ Day I miss you most and have the most regrets. I miss the Mothers’ Day cards and the dinners out. I miss not knowing you and who you married or even if you married. I miss not knowing your children, my grandchildren. So today I write you a letter and place it in a public blog, never knowing if you will see it and know you were love by me.

With love,
Your birth mother.