Ten-Finger Exercises

Happy Blue Monday

In a minute I'll give you an exercise I participated in at a workshop for Hospice International a few years back. It's an exercise in loss. I thought about it today as I talked with the husband of a new patient, a woman who is dying of brain tumors. He noticed something was wrong last summer when she was in a car accident. He came the scene and followed her home in the slightly disabled car while she drove his. He noticed that she wove back and forth, even though she appeared completely uninjured. When he observed her driving the following week, and she was still very unsteady, he took her keys away.

THE EXERCISE: In a group, or by yourself, take ten or so small slips of paper. Write on each slip something that is very important to you. It may be a person, an object, an ability; for instance, your house, your car, your eyesight, your spouse, your ability to read, your faith, your favorite book.

If you're alone, make your list as long as you want. That's a good exercise in itself, to think about things that are the most meaningful to you, that you wouldn't want to give up.
If you're doing it with others, it's best to limit the number of items.

Then, you must give up on thing. Tear up the paper and discard it. Think for a minute what life would be without that person, thing or ability. Then give up another, and do the same thing. Keep going till you have torn up all the slips, till you have nothing left that you wanted most. What are you left with? Anything?

There's an alternate way to play. You choose randomly from the slips without looking, or another person in the group chooses blind. That's more realistic, more the way life treats us when we die. There's something to learn about ourselves either way.

I thought about this exercise as I found myself thinking that, yes, a brain tumor would be a good way to go. Relatively. When you work in the hospital, you can't help but say sometimes: I hope that never happens to me or someone I love. It's good to see some ways that wouldn't be so bad.


Now, here's a cheerier topic, well sort of. Today is officially Blue Monday. Your Christmas bills have probably all come in. Your taxes are lurking, waiting for you to get started. You've finished all of your Christmas candy, and you've already broken most of your New Year's resolutions. The weather is probably crummy, and overall, it's Blue Monday. Actually, I'm in a pretty good mood.