Snow Melt

It’s Happening Again

15 Rahmat 164 BE – Sunday, July 8, 2007 10:46:47 AM PDT

It’s happening again, I’m getting the feeling of electricity in the air; the feeling of anticipation, of expecting lightning to strike. I know something has changed in my life, but I don’t know what. It’s not that I dislike this feeling, I just want to know what’s changed, I want to know how this change is going to effect my life. I know that sounds odd.

Maybe I’m feeling dissatisfaction with my life the way it is. Maybe this is the way my subconscious is pushing me to do something about the situation now. Maybe … maybe … maybe I could go on with the maybes. I do know that I not satisfied with things the way they are. I do know that not matter what I go to do I encounter difficulties. I do know that I could go on with this line of thought and probably never get to the root of the problem.

I get the feeling I’m inside an interstellar nebula. I can’t see the stars outside or any trace of Stars inside. I’m moving, but I don’t know which way I’m moving. I know that I’m moving, but I can’t tell by looking at the nebula cloud. The only way I can tell movement is occurring is by looking at my instruments. I can’t tell by looking at the dust where in the nebula I’m located and I can’t detect any trace of anything either in or out of the nebula.

That’s how I’m feeling at the moment. It helps to write, down the feelings. It would help even more if I could write down a solution, although maybe I need to go back through my Writing My Spiritual Journey Journal. Actually, maybe I need to go back through all my journals, but that would take time. That’s another aspect of this feeling of anticipation, this feeling of lightning striking around me. I feel that time is moving at two different speeds. One speed is slow and it takes forever to get anything done. The other speed is fast and events are moving toward or away from me at the speed of sound or the speed of light.

I haven’t gotten a Sunday paper for months. I haven’t read the daily paper since last year (2006). I want a prim rib dinner with everything that goes with it. I want a banana split. I want a piece of fish, any kind finish. I’m hungry, but I have food in the house, so I’m hungry for something I don’t have. I’ve been drinking water out of the faucet for several weeks, maybe months. I didn’t know how I missed bottled water until I went to pay my internet connection yesterday and the guy in the office gave me a bottle of water.

Lately it seems that the only thing I enjoy is writing. I don’t have enough time to write. I don’t have ink for my printer so I’m proof reading my stuff on the screen, which is difficult. It’s difficult because I can see mistakes on a hardcopy I can’t see on the screen. I’ve decided I need to up grade to Premium membership. So now I’m worried that when the money does come in I’ll need it for something else. I know I’m not using my time properly. This is become a rant or a complaint and I’m tired of complaining. I’ve complained in my Writing My Spiritual Journey Journal for the past month, at least. Someone in one of my yahoo groups said that it and the stress is probably an indication that I’m ready for a change, sort of like a snake shedding its skin.