Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

Reflecting

So I was thinking back on my bilateral knee replacement journey, and I remembered that one of the worst parts was that i had a reaction to the surgical tape they used on my back for the epidural. So not only were my knees hurting but i itched like crazy. Well, see this "rash" kept getting worse and even more worse. At one point during one especially torturous night I buzzed the nurse. When she comes in, I say, "I'm so sorry to keep asking you this but could you put some medicine on my rash again. I know it must suck to have to look at welts on back fat but i'm dieing here." Well, she was nice about it, and while she was doing it i get a closer look at the tube of ointment. I picked it up and read "for treatment of jock itch". Okay, so here's the thing: 1. I have no jock and 2. I don't think you can get a fungus from surgical tape. It occured to me then in my midnight wisdom hour that I might be having a reaction for this medicine that usually relieves males from scratching their woohas nonstop.

The next morning when the doctor came in - i pointed out this problem and quite politely but adamantly told him i was not having a stranger rub jock itch ointment on my welty back any more. He must, in fact, try to find something suitable to the patient and problem.

So, I get something else and eventually the rash clears up. Well, yesterday I was looking at the tube they sent home with me because i wanted to see if it would work for a cut my son had. And one of the things it said it is good for is: diarrhea perspiration. Now work with me here. First of all, I"m thinking they went from jock itch cream to diarrhea perspiration cream on my back. Secondly, it occurs to me i have no idea what diarrhea perspiration is.

I google it and nothing comes up. And I'm thinking "What the hell? Google is pretty damn smart." So being the savvy consumer i am. I call the number on the tube to ask what the f*** is diarhea persperation. A nice gentleman explains to me this is a misprint and should read excessive perspiration.

The moral to my story: this is why it is important to edit your work before publishing because i experienced great trauma thinking i had diarrhea perspiration medicine lathered on my body.

audra